Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Yaknow what , l feel really bloody angry at gf last few days.

l have a lot going on which l can't go into but the yr has sure thrown me some curved ones, when it was suppose to be a cruiser , can't believe the crap tbh.

But there's also 1 or 2 very big things too , stressful and worrisome and l could really use someone in my corner right now.

l can't really turn to the few people that are in my life bc really it's all my private business and stuff you'd normally deal with with your partner/wife sort of thing. Well for me anyway, others maybe not but being the private person l am l like my business my business or our business .

She knows about all this stuff yetttttt, as always worried me about her, when l needed her she'd have just bailed or something .

lt was a v weird sensation , there were reasons , some of it their cultural attitudes and ways l'd always seen with different things and l'd always worried about that with her and here l am and she has. Exactly.

[CMF]

Rx,

Sorry your feeling alone & unsupported.  I think you have so many signs & reasons to move on. I know there are all the positives but there are alot of red flags too. It just should not be so hard.

[randomxx]

Thx cm , appreciated.

But your right l know. Too much crap for sure .

[randomxx]

Weirdest thing with her , there were plenty of times there'd be no one else you'd rather have in your corner she'd take on a lion if she had to for you, if it suited her!

But in other ways she also had this scary just cut and run edge, no matter what the circumstances, ldk how to put it but it always worried me.

l could've been wrong  but her family also had quite a weird history where this sort of thing kinda came across too so who knows what it was but all l did know was that it always seemed to be in the back of your mind.

Same time though , she had her 5yr thing and she did put soooo much into us, maybe if l had've committed earlier, ldk. So l couldn't say 100% sure about stuff above tbh bc with this side of things added into it well. One thing l do know though is that she knew about all this stuff right now and it made no difference whatsoever.

[randomxx]

At any rate , glad to have this place to get the thoughts out as l say quite private  in RL and so it's very much appreciated bb.

[randomxx]

She called today at work, got her new phone but couldn't set it up. Same ph as my new one ha, l couldn't even be using mine if not for my d, she set mine up thk god.

Felt strange because even though l was holding back and wary , we were still just us, she was noticing to l could tell. But as nice as it was to hear her voice and feel us just in there l'm kinda feeling back of mind, this is no good if this is the way it's gonna be so we're not getting too carried away and just back to more of this stuff.

We talked a bit and she wanted to call back and forth a bit trying to get her phone right and text a bit more later.

And that was all ok and it was nice buttttt, not making a habit of it or turning backward again so if there's much more of it though , l'll be making myself scarce, it's just better that way.

[CMF]

Hi rx 

I just read something that said "I stayed until I hated you". 

It's what I did, don't let it happen to you.

[randomxx]

Well l suppose though that at least helps you walk away right.

But nah , l don't want things back to how they've been before in between our on offs.

She's called 4 or 5 times last few days and messages but just about phone stuff mainly although she helped me out with some d stuff too which l really needed so it was a bit of a two way street to and she asked about everything else to.

Had a terrible wk actually but although l didn't get into all that too just talking a bit was kinda helping me to so.

Not letting it fall back into old patterns though and l know it easily could but not this time l feel pretty solid about moving on.

[CMF]

Yes it did help me walk away.  I sort of hope I bump into him so I can ignore him. He means absolutely nothing to me now. If anything  he's given me incentive to look good.  Good on you for being firm about your decision. You deserve stability too & not this on/off, hot/cold stuff.

[randomxx]

Well l'm sorry it's all gone that way though none the less.

But yaknow, all friendy friendy with an ex is pretty stuffed anyway, well l feel it is anyway.

And thanks too, nah not falling into that one again it goes nowhere and is just all too weird for me anyway. And not healthy takes me backwards.