Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[CMF]

You're making an effort for someone who's not making an effort for you. I was doing that.  It's draining. Always wondering if you should reach out, wondering what they're doing, trying to keep something going, trying to keep in contact to keep them interested, wondering if they even care, wondering if they miss you. If it's meant to be, she'll make the effort. 

[randomxx]

Yeah , you are right really.

Don't get me wrong she's done such huge things and efforts for us since day one but lately, admittedly since our last few visits though it has been more me but bc of the way she's always tried so hard before this well.

On the other hand though we did also kind of break up after our last to but to her that was a reflection of us but it wasn't. that was bc she's been going of the rails she was mostly unbearable , which wasn't herself at all.

lf not for that we'd still be fine and then later l find out she's still on those meds. But she won'T even see any of that part of things.

She probably still thinks she did no wrong she's never been able to see or admit her own stuff.

So l dunno, but yeah l'd think the way things have been going just lately your right now and it's probably best atm.

l still hate it though bc we've never been like that and that's one thing lve always loved about us and her.

[TheFarSide]

I wouldn't look at it as testing so much - I dislike that as well... but at some point, the situation you're feeling has got to give one way or the other... for me as an outsider to your world with only the words typed on this forum to go on, it would seem that things are in limbo and something needs to bring it all to a head.  One can't put the relationship part of their life indefinitely on hold - sometimes you gotta push a little to see which side of the coin people want to fall on... 

To me - testing is something that people do just for the sake of it - basically trying to get a rise or manipulate to some degree.

In this instance it's about asking the right questions or conducting the right activity/behavior to get the right answers needed for future plans - particularly as the years start to become more precious...  None of us are on the planet long enough to waste the time we have.

[randomxx]

Yeah that is true really , considering turns of just this last few wks now.

She has said all through when we do talk how sad she is and l've certainly heard and felt that to within her and she had been popping in and out herself too just whenever.

l could feel everything going on for her all through and us both ticking over, neither of us wanted to throw it in just yet.  This dropping off just of late is confusing things now though. l've still been open but with this dropping back from her side now, l can't feel where she's at atm.

Mind you , things going on for her and her home country just of late have gotten even worse and are as heavy as it could possibly be it's hard to even fathom how she's feeling. But then she's also right in the middle of the pointy end with Tafe too right now on top of it so tbh, it could even be all that more than us.

So in huge ways l don't want to appear deserting her right now but at the same time well, yeah on the other hand as she has dropped off herself, God ldk.

Time and the yrs are precious as you say .

[randomxx]

l dunno how she can be not saying something. Really missing her of late this is def' the longest we haven't spoken.

l really feel like dropping her a line but the longer it goes on like this the more l think if it's so hard on me why isn't she going through the same if she really loved me. How can she just not be feeling the same. On the other hand could she be thinking the same about me.

Even though our last few were more from me they do have this thing where things like this need to come from the man bc he loves her. Hard to explain but that's how they think, he should be proving it and she's already many times over done such huge things for us.

Of course the other side of the coin could be, maybe she just hasn't wanted to.

ldk.

[randomxx]

Should l be telling her how much l'm missing her ? ldk.

ln one way now l do actually wanna see if she will ever call at all now.

[CMF]

Rx I was feeling the same. Feeling sad that M didn't reach out etc but this week, week 5, I seemed to have moved past it. There's that number again. 5. I feel if you message you are holding on to something that maybe needs to be let go. If she wanted to, she would. If she needed you while all these things are going on for her she'd reach out. You haven't cut her off so you've left it open for her if she wants to contact you.  I would leave it otherwise I feel you're prolonging the healing 😔

[randomxx]

Thx for that cm l know how much you've been going through.

Thing is though you guys split but we haven't as yet we're supposedly just taking a bit of a breather bc 1 she's been so upset but then to both a bit unsure , well more so me really after last visit. But then l find out about the meds later which could explain a lot of stuff- sooooo, ldbloody know now. Myself l hadn't actually decided l wanted to split l wasn't sure what to do.

Don't worry she is he culture though in these ways through and through too but whether that would be through this, dk- they pick and choose ha ha.

Buttttt, then , yeah , what if any of anything or whichever anyway it's nothing to do with anything but it's like your saying.

[randomxx]

Yaknow, since l found out about the meds, it's changed a lot of things and tbh l'd like to keep going now if we could get her of the damn things. But that ones really better as an in person thing not a good idea touching it like this .

[randomxx]

On the other hand , like you say, why isn't she ?  And how could she not need me with the stuff going on.

Another thing makes me feel like leaving it in her court.