Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

ps, been thinking about it today while down at the river, home now too damn hot.

Was a beautiful day though.Parked the yak and went for a beautiful swim and watching the fumiest thing from the water.

Some guy walking his dog two girls came along with theirs and the dogs start playing. Then someone else then someone else and before you know it this one guy is standing in the middle of 5 women with dogs.

l'm thinking what a classic, a single man def' needs a dog right.

Anyway, what l wanted to add was on the chemistry thing. That's another way they're very different to us.our times and the ways we get along meant so much to me especially our phone calls. But you know what it doesn't mean that much to them. They talk about soul and deep love non stop but they actually don't run that deep with it, it's more just talk.

Moments that mean so much to us and of what it's all about to us, hardly even register with them , it's all about practicality. Now practicality and your on a winner.She loves a laugh or deep convo or tears, tears especially , but none of it carries much weight or importance .

Her people have been through a lot over the centuries and their need to be resilient and survive , now that impresses them. I've seen it with her rallies, son, best friend, her.

They're like a computer and she's the same they calculate everything down to the last cent or grain of food for wks even mths ahead , every meal costs house stuff anything to do with practical. They read and add up every cent, receipt, groceries, wear clothes for yrs, don't wash them much , all across the board.

She comes down from syd with one little bag l use to say baby what r you gonna wear , they just keep washing or she wears my stuff and l'm twice her size.

One day she was going into the plaza and l gave her my card and said baby l want you to go treat yourself, buy whatever you like. She couldn't even understand what it meant. My d shops in this one l know there's heaps of great women stuff.

l mean she could've spent a grand l don't care l wanted to to have something.

She came back after 3hrs with 1 20$ thing she got on sale for 12$.

l mean l get money, l've been through plenty of very tight times but everything down to the last grain of anything , is like life or death to them. That's all stuff that means something. They haven't had the luxury of even considering chemistry as important.

[CMF]

Hi my friend,

Yeah, he used to say I kept things real. Yes i am genuine too. The 5 years thing. I don't know. For me it probably didn't feel like 5 years cos we didn't spend alot of time together & all the other crap. I wasn't looking for anyone when we reconnected. I do feel it was a waste though in some ways goes it was never going anywhere. 

[randomxx]

Sorry to hear that cm. What about some of the beautiful times, would it be worth it then even if it doesn't go anywhere ?

That's where l struggle bc sure she loves beautiful times to but it's a bit like chemistry, existing, getting things done, life stuff, rate much higher.

l feel sometimes that angry like l've blown 5yrs now mind you l thought it was only 4 but she was right l found dates, it's bloody 5 can not believe it.

But seems the sort of things make it worth it to me don't mean that much to her anyway, it's a bit hard to feel one sidedly good about them.

She does actually have absolutely gorgeous clothes don't get me wrong, incredible taste as l find out later on, half of them are still here now. l said look l'll pay for the extra luggage on the flight and talked her into actually bringing stuff, but she doesn't bloody wear them anyway. Only when there's absolute need or occasion it's like other things it's still all about conserve conserve.

Mind you , l never use to mind when it came to shopping haha, never known anyone that can squeeze so much out of a buck.

[CMF]

Haha. I'm pretty concious when I shop. I still think k it was a waste. Even the beautiful times cos I brought up the sis issue pretty early on & he said of course it wouldn't always be like that...but it was. I was in tears sometimes, begging him to understand but he didn't want to. So yeah.it was a waste.

[randomxx]

Ah cm , sorry again. The bloody sis thing is so damn common sense everything you say and felt is so easily understandable . l mean a person like that so in your face and around will either work on the rare occasion his partner actually loves her to, or it won't. But with everything you say the effects she had would've been very very obvious.

[randomxx]

Still , it still all just sounds like l blame her for everything but no , l actually blame myself far more bc really, she gave us chance after chance.

On offs were often about another one of them l'd blown though like her staying longer or l was suppose to be staying longer, times like that were real turning for her. They're things that do really carry weight and mean a lot to her but there were big times and last chances for us in her mind, that really l messed up leaving earlier or not following through. Affection , sticking together , it's not that she was cold fish no way, she loved stuff like that.

l found it really hard though staying in sydney though there's no freedom at her unit, no outside, l feel caged.

And when she's here there's no going home so it's just boom back to together 24 7 no breaks and she changes everything around.

l wondered many times if it was somebody else would l still have felt like l just needed some space again but she does get pretty full on.

[randomxx]

A whole thread of circles though and so complicated to explain.

Yeah we had a complicated situation for sure first all her legals and then cultural differences and then distance, MH.

Butttt, l have wondered many times to that really though, no matter what the bs involved or the why's , maybe we were just a bad match anyway.

l'll be the first one to admit things should usually run a bit easier and smoother , for sure.

[CMF]

Hi rx,

It doesn't sound like you blame her. I think you've just had alot to deal with & had to accommodate alot of her needs. 

It should def be easier than that.

[randomxx]

Thanks for that my friend but yeah, it is true.

l mean 3/4 of 5yrs has been about her and her stuff. l mean yeah the major part of it wasn't her fault but really, it's still all about her even now anyway just different stuff.

l think it should be def to, for you and for me actually. We've both had 5yrs of bloody questioning really.

[CMF]

5 years of questioning is too long. It's too long to wonder if it's right or not.