Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Bit of a lapse unfortunately.

Not doing myself any favours right now bc l've been watching that MAFS . l know the whole things just a staged load of rubbish but the thing is, that Lucinda lady.

Gf looks nothing like her it's not that but a big part of her personality is very alike. The patience and gentleness that women has, the broad mind to openness, the sultry warm cuddles , all gf through and through , something l loved about her so much.

But they're opposites to in that gf has a temper and some other stuff, her negative sides too and different things.

But that side of that Lucinda, is gf alllll over, and it's such a beautiful and rare thing.

[CMF]

I don't watch MAFS but I know alot of these shows are staged. Also,you only see whst the shows want you to see. It's all edited.

Having said that,  I'm sorry it has triggered you.

[randomxx]

Yeah it's all a bit of a joke l know but even acting wouldn't matter see, bc whatever that part of that character is, is very real with gf that's the point. 

But thanks to.

Apart from , rolling a long ok . Haven't been working much so l've started doing up that beautiful kayak l bought, well it will be beautiful when it's finished. But l've also been taking it out a lot to and so with the weather on top of it and us having some gorgeous times down the beaches and on the water to, been some beautiful distraction. Don't know which l'm enjoying more actually, our days down the lake and river or working on it at home later. lt all couldn't have come a long at a better time right now though so that's been a bit of a bonus to.

Mind you , we did actually talk a little bit again today about her stuff here but it wasn't for long and right now l wasn't too bothered about it.

Me , l dunno,  l'm becoming pretty resigned though tbh atm and practical to, thinking about plans from here and what have you to and which has been another good distraction as well.

rx

[CMF]

I read something today that said if you are with the right person you will never have feeling of doubt or confusion.

[quirkywords]

Random

I had to google MAFS, I am so out of touch with those shows.

it must be strange seeing a person on tv thst has similar qualities to gf.

[randomxx]

Yeah and it is normally when all is aligned as it should be, the way for sure, big topic though to me.

Haven't you ever worried about the 5yrs of doubt and all your issues you've had about m and are still having ?

For me, 1st of all , l have lived it. Ex w and l may not have made it all the way in the end but the first 15yrs were like some kind of dream , movie.

l knew before we even met that l was meeting her l felt her coming and the day l did l meet her l knew right there l wanted to marry her.

Not a doubt in my mind and she walked all over anyone else l'd ever met before.

But can it happen in other ways too, ldk.

l knew as soon as l saw gf l could marry her , but there was a but and an if- that wasn't there when l met ex w. But gf had all this stuff and crap and well, as you know it's still going just all transferred into other stuff and crap now. So there were also doubts and questions from day one too.

So ldk now if ex w is the way it always happens , or if that was just that freaky once in a life time thing. l do feel though even still now and knowing myself, there shouldn't be any big ifs or buts. Not buts about the person or the way you feel. There could be buts with ea of your separate lives and other things when you first meet, but there shouldn't be any about the two of you as such.

Well gf's always worried me bc not only with her never ending stuff, but there were worries about the person and us as well.

So was she just not the right one ?

Dk if l've ever get to live and ex w and l again but that is the way l still feel deep down , it really should be .

Scuse rant.

[randomxx]

Haaa did ya , ha, the damn things ridiculous and it's all so contrived and set up.

But yeah as l say , never the less, it was about the character of that lady and yeah not one one you normally see very often that's for sure.

[white knight]

I've always said about my mother- "her good points are OK, her bad points I can't live with".

And so that analogy extended to the 3 long term relationships prior to my wife of 13 years now. All 3 I fell in love with but each were toxic in one way or another.

The first was non committed, the 2nd the mother of my kids was full narcissistic and the 3rd a control freak with money and step mum from hell.

We tend to try to accept their bad points and admire their good ones but, the struggle to sustain a stable relationship is nigh impossible. 

So a good relationship with forever prospects should result with little effort to maintain it. It's sad things don't work out but if one is enthusiastic about meeting a low maintenance partner that's relaxing, lots of laughter and care, you'd move on from the struggle of tension and compromise.

TonyWK 

[randomxx]

Thanks for that Tony.

Yeah l've wondered about all that stuff right through with gf.

She was no where near as bad as any of those though she basically tried her backside of mostly , went through a helluva lot for us to and would do absolutely anything for you. And l was no 24 7 saint believe me,l struggled with some things with her and it messed up a lot.

Spent too much time tryingt o figure it all out and myself to but it's stating to add up now. l think she subconsciously gave up at about 3 yrs bc l still didn't commit even when her legals were finally sorted , and some other stuff.. That's when all her on off and other stuff started and just got worse from there over next few yrs.

But l hear you to on the last bit especially though and how hard should it be. Wondered that a lot to myself. Ex and l were hardly ever hard, but never boring either, we just changed in time later on though .

But l often think out first 15yrs, first days even , is how it's really meant to be.

Don't now though, we didn't make it yet couples with troubles right through have out survived us soooo. dk. l kinda thought gf and l might be one of those.

[randomxx]

feeling the pinch and pretty sad this wk.

started a new job at work at least so l'm kinda grateful for that right now. The lake and river and beautiful days over there with my d cool new old kayak have just been so damn beautiful to and really saving the day last few wks to but our lakes now got elgie bugger it so we can't use it. God l don't believe it. that was the best one for me and d and for kayaking to, the river ones better for say just a sunday and swim and stuff.

Can't believe it. The mouth of the lakes been closed this yr so normally the beach washes in and keeps it clean but bc the mouth's been closed we have a sick lake.

Been so damn beautiful , it's been helping my d helping me and now we've lost it can not believe it. They can open the mouth with a dozer that'll fix it in a few days but being so late in summer doubt they'll bother, too tight.

soooo, that ain't helping the situation one iota. been missing gf and really disappointed we didn't persist too, we could've been fine it's just her damn crap. some of that she can help herself though she's just that damn negative in those ways says she can't.

wondering how she's feeling it's usually well, it's never been a few wks actually, a wk or so and she's feeling this to and snaps out of her negatives but has been a few wks this time though.

ldk ya start to realize your mistakes and ours and us and just stuff and l must admit, atm l'd wish we could actually talk about things tbh.

ldk.