Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[CMF]

Hey rx

I'm wondering if maybe not hearing from her means she's OK? Do you think she'd reach out if she needed to ? Maybe she's just trying to move on?

Your thoughts?

[randomxx]

Hiya cm

Yeppa , l'm afraid that's highly possible considering all her on offs over the yrs. l've always worried that they come from somewhere else too not only her MH at the time, no matter how much she's fess her love- The two just don't go together hence my trust issues with her and truths.

And yeah sadly too , l think she'd be on the phone or messaging if she had too, always has before. She did call last wkend but l missed it and when l called back she was doing something, we never followed it through from there later.

[randomxx]

This stuffs been rolling through my head all night.

l said to her a few wks back , do you understand now why l've never been able to quite fully trust this and my hold backs. Can you see the way that you just go on and off so easily just don't add up ?

Her answer was even less assuring she says,,, ok l can see what you mean but what you want me to say.

Not exactly what l needed to hear.

Thing is though and here we are. Even though she's totally alone she's not even at at least just even checking in on me . Not to just talk or to see lm ok or as an excuse bc she's missing me , nothin.

lf it ws to go on like this for mths , it would only all just tell me even more so that l was right in holding back all this time and my gut was spot on.

[randomxx]

There's always been a bit of a cultural thing on her side that's always been even less assuring too.  She doesn't see the difference but it's a huge thing in our culture and just not how it goes.

Thing is they can be all love and tears and love love love and pure passion , but even as beautiful as that sounds it doesn't on the other hand carry much weight and this has shown in her relationship history and in a lot of her other ways right through too.

They can be over overpoweringly like all that and more but they can also just switch it off like a switch and suddenly it's just oh well- what can l do it's no good or it's this or it's almost from hot to just cold blooded in their attitudes.

l've seen it in her a bit with a lot of things and in love and relationships too , and l saw the exact same type of thing with her best friend same nationality that was living here for awhile to back when and l've seen it in her mum too.

OF course l've always hoped l was wrong and time would prove it to be wrong but so far it never has and so this now is just adding icing to the cake.

There is still room for it to be wrong it's only been a few wks but , tbh l'm not really expecting it.

[CMF]

Heya,

I'm sorry this is so hard for you. Do you think she's emotionally unavailable due to upbringing & culture. Like M is. Brought up to be tough & move on if things don't work. I know how frustrating it is. Lovey dovey one minute then "oh well" & ready to move on the next. I hate that " what can I do" attitude. Take some responsibility that's what they can do. I've heard it way too much. Have a heart. Think about how other's are feeling. That's what they can do.

[randomxx]

Hiya cm and yep, exactly , head to tow.

And yeah it is in a lot of all through it they've had many ups and downs and hard times there, many times and periods where they'd literally just have to toughen up or not go on at all and she's had a pretty hard life for sure to herself and would've literally needed to have that cold or she wouldn't have gotten through.

Have ya yeah , makes me sick too and the thing is now though too, this isn't the old days or back in her country yaknow , a relationship or marriage here doesn't have to be oh well what can l bloody do you can do plenty.

ldk , while l love many of her ways this type of thing has always scared the shyt outa me bc l know what the price could be one day.

[randomxx]

D and l had a beautiful day yesterday. Nice morng l skipped work and took the new kayak over to the lake she met me there later we just hung out , so nice.

l also went over sunday too it was hot , dagged around all day , pushed myself out of the house and out the gate, was really plsd that l did and actually made an effort. Some guy walking past offered me a beer l said hell yeah why not cheers for that and the odd female kinda let herself be known so that really picked me up too. Not that l'll be chasing anyone atm if ever buttt, yaknow, it does make you feel a bit better.

l've only just realized this morning gees , l've done pretty good considering the circumstances and emotional mess atm l've actually managed 2 great days over at the beach in one wk so there , l'm taking a bow.

[randomxx]

D's having second thoughts about the move. ldk whether to encourage sticking to the plan, it's all set up now , or say well look you don't have to go or do it if it's not sitting you can change your mind. better that than to go do this huge thing when your knowing it isn't feeling right. She's been hunting up info and found some stuff out that's really turning her off the whole thing. lt is very real stuff it's not just looking for excuses and better to know now than later. ldk l said well look you've still got some time maybe follow this stuff up and see how you feel then.

ldk , l don't want her to go that is for sure but l'd also love for her to do whatever she needs to and follow her path. At the same time though this one is a huge thing with the move and all and l know how that can be bc l've done it and if it's not the right move you've done and gone through all this huge stuff for nothing soooo, done that too and l just dk as yet.

Hoping some light comes through with more info for her.

Praying it's safe to mention this stuff here now but it is deep into this thread so thinking that should be ok.

[CMF]

Well done for getting out there to the beach. I know how hard it is but you can do this. I hope your d is able to sort through her decision also.

Hugs

[randomxx]

thanks for that cm and me too .

Been thinking a lot about gf stuff though and really , to be 300% honest with myself, no matter her culture and ways or the way she begun the on offs later on, she did try and try with me and persisted for yrs first. And she was willing to work things anyway we could that would work for me and she went through huge stuff herself for us mainly bc of me and yet still gave it more chances again and again.

So which ever way l cut it what l see now from her is really probably nothing to do with anything else anyway and l really in all honesty, couldn't blame her.nOT Many at all if any , would've even gone through the stuff she did for us and for me and honestly , it's no wonder she's giving up now.