Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[quirkywords]

CMF I was thinking the same thing. When I am stressed, I start to worry about small things.

[randomxx]

She's been in meno 5 or 6 yrs now it started very early for her before we met. But although so yeah that's def' adding just more icing to the cake the differences and effects are fairly distinguishable to the rest of her stuff.

l wish it was only dust.

But nah she's damn busy actually and also doing quite an intense tafe course too and that in itself is adding to things in a big way too.  She's not up to it , not mentally or emotionally it's too much on top of what she's just been through over the last 5 or 6yrs and she's been in meno on top of it.

The fanatical health and exercise, house stuff, food, shopping l wanna be this l wanna be that , none of it's new it's just 5 folded last few yrs.

[randomxx]

Never the less, things aren't really a surprise either tbh bc l can't go into here what she's been through but it's a lot and yrs and yrs of it and with meno on top of it so.

Tbh , her even getting through it all is just amazing in itself but , it leaves us where it does .

Anyway , things haven't been great my end and l can't believe the way it's all turned out tbh butttt.

l am pretty proud of myself bc today, l bought a new kayak. Well it's not brand new l want to redo the whole thing, one of my hobbies actually , but so sadly on hand on other though well. lt's something that's going to help me through in a big big way and soon this beauty and l will be back out there and on the beautiful water, l need it so much.

[CMF]

The hobby sounds great & just what you need.  When I was on level over Xmas I spent a week clean6up the garden. It was therapeutic both mentally & physically. It was one of the best breaks I've had for a while. Although M was so generous when we used to go aesy spenfing my leave on a trip with sis every year was not enjoyfor me. Haha he probanly knew that & why he never let me contribute to the cost. Or maybe he was just being generous, then again it was always about what they wanted.

Just thanking about you & this kyak gives me a srnsr of calm. It will clear your mind & help you re focus.  It's wonderful. 

[CMF]

Oh dear my post didn't work. I think the kayak sounds amazing & just what you need. Clear your mind & re focus. I feel a sense of calm just thinking about it. I love a good project to keep me busy & take my mind off things.

I feel calm just thinking about you & the kayak. I'm happy for you ,& hope it gives you what you need right now.

Hugs

Cmf

[randomxx]

Thanks for that cm , very nice, not many people understand but your so on the money.

The calm out there , the water, the paddling , the project , haven't done one for about 2 yrs so looking forward to all of it especially atm.

Took her out today actually , in her not very pretty glory right now but down the track, she shall be a white swan, was so nice.

Big hug

[randomxx]

Things are feeling very very crap atm this might be a rant in circles or the Gods only know.

Not feeling too perky atm , not at all. l know she'll be in a very similar place maybe even a lot worse but strangely l haven't heard from her. l usually would've by now long ago actually. Our last messages were last wkend and very short, surprisingly she didn't continue - although she did call later but l missed it and when l called back later she was in the middle of something and that's been it.

Really weird how she only has her son but he is os now and really, l only have my d and v soon she's moving interstate too. The two are ironic really.

Haven't been feeling too strong about our decision very lonely and just thinking thinking and wondering if we're doing the right thing, what she's thinking and feeling, everything. Hung in there all this time hoping this would not happening and l think she has too but here it is, can't win.

l've felt like breaking and talking to her 50times this wk, miss our chatter all day n night so much, and l miss her too, haven't cracked though as yet.

Wondering if she's feeling it like this too can't see how she couldn't be she'd be totally alone now hardly talks to her son  at least l still see my d all the time for now but she moves in a few wks, l'll miss her so much.

l've been here 8yrs now made no friends only have one good mate here knew before l came here actually but he has 4young kids a business and marriage and his hand very very full so hardly see him at all.

tHIS sort of thing is more about you and her anyway than other people even if they were around it's such a different thing and not really the bill right now anyway , spose it might've helped a little though.

l'm not playing games staying away but l do wonder if she'll see in time how over board she's been lately and the effect it's had on me although seeing herself's never been her strong suite so any realisations could never happen anyway even if she is feeling the same way. Although, every now and then she has come out with some tiny self admittance over some thing l'm just jaw on the floor and WTH !!!! , soooooo,  never know.

l mean when l say anything it didn't happen but if she could see it and realize herself and reign it in there could yet be some hope bc the way she's been last 6-12mths more and more has been my main thing and last trip she was of the charts.

But then , l don't wanna be hanging around in some kind of maybe or hope though either bc l sure wouldn't be expecting any marical from her in that department but ldk, it sure as hell isn't easy giving up on her or us considering our goods and the main person and other stuff for sure.

l also been wondering if she might just turn in time if we hung in there, she has been in meno and with all her other stuff, maybe with time and patience she gets back to the her l knew, l don't bloody know.

Out of my control anyway l can wonder all l want right won't change a thing right now.

l am trying , trying, to go on with my stuff, life , plans. wouldn't rule anything out later on though nonetheless given our record but at the same time l know l'd be a fool at this stage waiting on it.

rx.

l wond

[_Jay_24]

Hello rx,

I am checking to see how you are going after a week now? My gf & I broke up today so here I am trying to find comfort or distraction or something. I can't reach out to people I know. This pain is so very heavy and I am wondering after a week if you are feeling any better? I feel like I can't get through today let alone face tomorrow. 

Are you ok?

[randomxx]

Hi there jay and thx for that.

Just today ah sorry man it is as you know the worst of things no doubt about it. How long were you together did you love her did you have any long term or marriage plans ?

My end, not good l'm afraid buttttt, what can you do eh, l'm trying to do what's best for me , whatever that is.

Hot here today took the kayak over to the beach lake was bloody nice must admit, nice day , but sad . At least l did something though not that l believe in forcing anything but l did just want to go anyway so managed to get my backside out the door and l am glad l did it was just so nice over there.

Let me know how your doing  eh.

rx

[randomxx]

Not doing too well atm. Doubt this is gonna help either much but there's really no one else l can be honest too about things in this way and even if their was l don't wanna be crying in my soup to other people.

l just keep wondering how she is and how she's feeling , even moreso how is she coping bc this is damn hard and really beginning to bite.

l'm missing her so much and the no us no chatter all day n night back forth back forth , no support or waking up to going to sleep to , lt just feels so empty and lonely and nothing even thought we were long distance half the time we were just our partner in crime in everything life 24 7 no matter where when or what.

How is she doing this she has no one at least l have a very closeness to my my daughter and also see one or 2 others but she's completely alone.

l know it's not the thing to do but l'm checking massgaes 20x a day just expecting to hear her voice but nothing.

l'll probably be back.

rx