Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[Lee001]

I only just joined this site because I read your post,it interested me so I joined. I'm 60 yo and in a similar situation,however my relationship was 23 years. I'm also going to be looking for a new home but I've had a test run for the last five months in several countries including 1 month Vietnam, 2 visits Philippines and 4 visits to  Bali. Although Vietnam is good, the cheapest place with great infrastructure is Bali,much better and cheaper than Philippines. Living costs there (everything) are around $350 a week which includes living in a hotel / resort with pool, breakfast included located one minute walk to awesome walking paths beside the beach,truly a paradise spot so much ,that's why I've been there four times in the last 12 months. Air fares from Australia are also cheap and cheap flights to the other Asian countries. I thought like you, how am I going to recover from this breakup, how can I find another partner at my age? Its going to be hard but after you visit places like this you will see the light ahead and the best part is as a foreigner your going to meet someone wonderful there.

[CMF]

Hey rx 

You didn't walk away from the start cos like me, you Focus on the good in people.  I can say the same fir myself.  First lockdown I saw sis' antics.  I questioned M, he said it woukd change.  It didn't & he let it go, saying it was my problem.  When we broke up he admitted I wasn't his no.1 priority, that he runs to sis, thst we didn't spend enough time together alone without her. But I gave him the benefit the doubt cos he had good qualities.  Unfortunately they weren't enough to sustain a relationship so she won.

That's why you kept going rx. You looked for the good.

Hugs

Cmf 

[CMF]

Another thing...whst we allow is what will continue 😔

[randomxx]

Yeah she's always been this weird mix of such a loving and do anything for you beautifully hearted person on one hand and that her added into the way we get along and both like to live but then you get this other, as soon as she's pissed, and that can be over the tiniest thing.

lt's like you think we're this and she's all that but then she'll get pissed, crap and attitudes come out and as if the other half was just fake. And there's no reasoning with it.

That's always been my hold back. l mean a lot of us talk crap when pissed that l can deal with l use to do it myself. But with her l'm still waiting to truly know which ones are real bc there's never an acknowledgement, apology , explanation, l didn't mean it, nothing. Usually opposite, it didn't even happen, things weren't even said.   

Sometimes l've thought it's just her self preservation and resentment coming out bc l've never committed but the thing is she's never understood what l need to  see and genuinely know about her and us or that l've still been waiting right through.

l dunno , need a coffee.

rx

[randomxx]

Gday lee and thx for the thoughts.

My brothers partners Balinese seems like a beautiful nature they're up in Brissy but he reckons they aren't all like her a lot of them will put on the show to hook a free meal ticket and are as cunning as. He also says baili is so tourism that it can drive you mad in time.

Me ldk though, as beautiful as Asian women can be , l just never feel anything with them l've always been attracted to European women or Aussie European, ex w and gf now same.

But l couldn't deal with a new country, culture either now yaknow, or wanna leave my land here now tbh either. lt's not perfect yaknow, but it's my land.

THough l can feel a yr or two in a caravan up on the Murry or somewhere and to hell with it all coming on ha ha.

Anything future now though yeah , for me it's more about though whether l could just even be bothered if l had to start over relationship wise again yaknow.

l mean it'd have to fall into my lap l'd say , and just be right and easy and comfortable , no more bs yaknow.

ex w and l were like that day one, it just all fitted there was no questions, unfortunately 20yrs late we sometimes just change though yaknow. GF now was a lot like that too in many ways but she also had many v big legal situation complications too which it was like when that's over we'll be set but then there's been these other sides coming out that just aren't going away to a long the way now.

l dunno,

gOOD luck with everything and in whatever you decide though for yourself though and every happiness too. Drop in anytime, talk or let me know what's happening if you like to eh.

All the best

rx

[randomxx]

l'm heading home next wk but l can honestly say l just don't understand myself at all lately in us.

We had a couple of fights last wk l didn't bs either though called it how it is bc there's just stuff that had to be said but since she's been much better and things have been really nice actually. 

l know she'll probably flip anyway a wk after l get back home usually does so l suppose none of it will even matter anyway butttt, just not sure how l'm even feeling anymore.

Maybe it's just been too much crap and water under the bridge or maybe it's a time thing and at this stage now l'm just losing feelings or subconsciously fading or things are messing with me, l just dk atm. l know things will become clearer once l'm home again but right now l've been feeling as if l'm just not feeling the right stuff any more anyway even if she did fix some of her crap.

rx

[CMF]

I hear you & I understand.  I used to feel the same way. It's not how you should feel ina relationship.  Ask yourself, will you miss the person or the relationship? I see  now & things trigger me & remind me why I was unhappy.  I see behaviours in him that make me cringe, especially his ego & complacency.  It actually makes me angry & iferl like telling him to get over himself. It's not how I want to feel.

I know the thought of starting over again is too much.  But do you want yo feel this confusion? I waited for things to change but they didn't, & clearly never will.

[randomxx]

Ah cm , thanks for that and especially the in-depth angles, exactly what l needed. l feel as though l'm sifting through intricacies just trying to figure myself out now, l hate it , why am l full of all these questions going on the inside now yaknow. lt's not suppose to be like that,  you said it youself.

right through it's been the biggie's mainly, all her legals and that side of things, pretty cut and dry really,  but they're done, done 18mths now.

Could well be the real reasons she's seemed to be changing too and short fuses and bs,huge part of it anyway.  Her stuffs done and done but l'm still um ahhing, could well be it.

When we were arguing 5yrs kept popping out, her stuffs done l should know.

Ha , saying things will clear when l get home ha, then again , l've been home plenty right through and they haven't yet who am l kidding.

We were suppose to talk about everything and wth we're doing, us, well we had a few fights but we haven't talked yet. But now l can't even think of how or what to talk about anyway bc it's all a blur atm. Shyt. 

let me asked you this cm , if m rocked up tomorrow and proposed , do you know what you'd say , think ?

l know, that's probably just too hard to even know right now buttttt.

rx

[randomxx]

ps, missing , it's a mixed bag bc her unit here is although really nice inside,l hate the vibe especially coming and going. My place is a big house there's privacy freedom inside or out but l'm pretty caged up here not me at all. She has trouble with all that too but she's also just grateful to even have the place after everything she's been through before.

We live really nicely though inside and walk or bus all over the place too out and about. l don't even bother driving here too many tolls and traffic and jigsaw puzzle roads, waste of time not even worth bothering so in all that way l'm usually very towy to be heading home.

Anyway l do really miss her though and us when l go or she goes from mine. miss our little world and living and our ways and stuff we just do and live..

Pretty sure if l could just hack it a few mths straight things would fall into place either way but l just can't last more than a few wks, a mth at best here, she could at mine but she has tafe and doctors and bloody bs going on everywhere here.

ldk, one things for sure though, she's right , 5yrs , enough already l should be doing something about this.

lf m rocked up with a ring tomorrow , do you know how you'd feel then ?

[CMF]

Great question rx

I always told M I needed to see what he was like without sis in our faces all the time. I was always 1/2  in cos I wanted to know that. When he went o/s & I sent him the message for our 5 year anniversary I was prepared to be all in, cos I thought he wanted that. Anyway...I don't think I trust him to accept a proposal. I mean trust as in him not letting her interfere.  There would need to be boundaries & I already know he can't do that. So no, I don't think I'd go for that until he could prove I'd be his priority, not her.