Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[CMF]

I think part of the reason we broke up is that he saw hiw much it affected me when he got back & he knew he couldn't or wouldn't change it. He even said if it were other way around he wouldn't day anything. He wanted me to suck it up while she ruled everything including him & his kids. I'm not gonna be anyone's doormat. 

[randomxx]

Sorry see l asked that twice but anyways.

And fair enough we need to know and feel whatever we do but sis yeah, that is a biggie considering it's toll on you and his way about it all.

ldk, gf just in ways is a bit like m in that she never quite answers in what l truly need to hear.

we were shopping today and having lunch in this park and all this stuff just happened to come up .well l said so how do you feel about marriage now baby? She says it's mainly just the security - l mean the security what, where is love, where is your partner in crime and best friend , soul mate, just wanting to spend the rest of your life with this person, yaknow.  Security, jezuz.

ldk.

[randomxx]

And l pretty well said those to her to but she says well security very important to baby.  l mean where do l even start.

yeah sure , but that's not why you marry someone in my world and not why l'd want anyone marrying me.

ldk, her views remind me of you with m , yeah he's sayin all the nice stuff atm but he's actions well, and in the past too.

Her , she's usually very loving and caring , but l still often wonder even after 5yrs how real it is bc then on the other hand , it's not just this time dozens of times when ever relationships or marriage or love come up, it's always answers like that.

[CMF]

Hmmmm...big red flag if security is her main reason 

 She could also leave & take what she can if things don't suit her

 I agree with you.where is the love, friendship etc. Of you really love someone security is not the main reason cos you can get thru things together.  I feel.when her crap was going on she used you for support & now she's starting to standon her own 2 feet she doesn't need you as much, especially when she doesn't get her way. People can be affectionate & caring when things are how they want them  then turn.when it doesn't ho their way 

 My daughter's dad is like that 

 As long as you agree he's all nice

 Disagree or have your own opinion & it's a different story.  Just has to be his way always.

Not a good sign unfortunately. Please be careful rx

 Doesn't sound like she's in for the right reasons. 

[randomxx]

Yeah , see her culture are pretty weird like that too, very practical even in love their ways can be a real contradiction so that's always kept me wary. You see it in some Asian cultures to like my brothers wife yet on the other hand part of it is also that she's the best partner you'd ever get, well gf's like that too.

l mean l like she doesn't need to or need me now, she's set up now and her stuffs all done but it has all really taken a toll on her and yet even through all that she was an incredible partner mostly.

So it's a sort of weird trade of and combo, dk how to put it really but theirs no one you'd rather in your corner, even now.

Yet yeah she can too also be a bit of a b when exactly as you say, if l don't agree and she can be a real know all too, or if she doesn't get her way . Funny with stuff like that these days though , l just hit her with it now whether she'll like it or not, it's funny it throws her but then she'll come around later.

[randomxx]

Tbh though , l'm becoming a bit over the mixed bag and any bs too atm , a lot like your feeling with m's stuff.

But l'm also feeling 5 yrs too and she is too and she's right, long time to still be all over the shop.

l mainly keep asking myself why though yaknow bc l've been saying to myself last 2yrs l just need this or to see that but 5yrs and l'm still in the same place yet any time l think stuff it we're good, it throws one out of the blue and sets me back. Like last wk she was as cranky as all wk then yesterday she says that marriage thing, ldk.

l'm not getting far but also getting a bit past it all too. Nota good sign l know.

[randomxx]

The last few posts say a wk ago but l can't work out what's happened bc l've been up at hers in Syd 3wks and just got back. Unless l wrote those from up there and didn't mention it, can't remember tbh. Know l did drop into forum didn't think l wrote here though.

Anyway whatever's going on.

We decided l'd go up there for a few wks, broke down on the way so l trained the rest of the trip to hers then went back and got the car sorted last wk. bIT of a saga nother story.

l was just hoping tto be together again , talk too , reach some conclusion. We didn't really talk about us much though ldk, haven't seen ea other awhile and just didn't wanna spoil it yaknow.

She's such a different person in person again , than when while we're apart . There's none of her all over the shop stuff and silly, she's gets stable again and just back into us mode, l can understand it and how she works in those ways under the circumstances l guess given all her stuff.

l already wrote this but it seems to have disappeared so there might be two of them later if the 1st one turns up , we see.

Anyway, ldk.  there's still some big things and tbh l should make a decision l'm hoping it all comes to light once l've had some time to get things in perspective now.

oNE THING IS that l can't keep staying up there at hers and l'm getting sick of the trip too. lt's nice inside and we live really nicely but l feel like a caged animal bc there's no privacy outside at all and l've got nothing to do in Syd anyway- all my stuff and life is at home here. so all that's becoming really hard lately and she won't be able to come down to mine much either now for the next 2yrs bc of her stuff going on there.

So we're probably pretty well kaput right there alone despite anything else anyway sadly.

But yeah the other thing that's starting to bite too is that although in ways we are so alike , we're also very different people too. One things for sure though in person again is, she has one huge and beautiful heart though , she really does, differences aside, and her silly that comes along again when l leave and she's alone up there again, together again she really is one very special person, quirks and oddities  and all. l can't talk l'm probably just as weird anyway.

But the differences in the people we are , are coming out more and more and a bit like being there or syd lately and that whole thing too, they are starting to become a thing for sure.

ldk , l need some time to think now, but l'm really glad l went up again , whatever happens.

rx

[randomxx]

Ahhh , l just re read some of the other posts up there and see l was posting from Syd too after all so that clears that up ,l'm prob just losing the plot don't mind me. Although it has been a huge few wks so l'll go with that as my excuse.

Very sadly though, but l don't really see any way forward for us tbh.

l suppose any one with half a brain would've walked away yrs ago considering all the bs it's been along the way.

Awhile back here we were asking where is the love in some of her attitudes though butttt, after finally being together again and over some time, she would give a different answer and reasons to the same convo now and l can see the love is there, most def'. lt's just that while we're apart and she's alone up there and it happens to me too, ldk, we tend to put up the walls again, become a bit callus and calculating sounding, blocking, in self preservation , it just takes some time for the walls and defences to come down again.

And that heart of hers is always there too in person, it just blows my mind. Soooo, l guess that's why l have so much trouble with that walking away.

l've been feeling so emotional about us and her since l've been back but it's so damn confusing now. Bc at the same time , with this last visit our more obvious realities have become kind of louder and clearer, too.

l can clearly see huge differences in some of her ideals views and ways becoming more and more as she's a bit older a bit more tired and a bit more use to being so alone so much of the time- our differences .

lt's like if you love ea other and want to be together then we'll just have to except them and work around them - is love enough for that, and the goods, l really just dk.

But then there's also the how in hell can we even work things now and even be together unless she or l abandoned our life and one of us moved up or down and in together, married or however.

l couldn't ask her to do that for me though and leave everything there now it'd be such a huge gable for her if we didn't work out.

And l couldn't move to or live there.

l suppose there it is right there regardless of anything else. lf your gonna stay together be together then you've gotta be together right, but l can't even see a way of managing that one any time soon from here now. Or to go on visiting the way we have been until we could, that would be a few more yrs a way now but it's just getting too hard staying up there lately under the circumstances, getting sick of the trips up and back too.

[CMF]

Hi rx

It's very easy to feel disconnected when you're apart. Re the distance and back and forth - sometimes the Universe had a way of telling us what is meant to be. I understand your frustration.  I know what it's like to be so good together is some ways but then have these external factors that ruin it. External factors that you can't change.

I wish I had a better solution but perhaps it's run it's course. Sometimes love isn't enough when big changes are involved.

Cmf

[randomxx]

Hey cm , and thanks for that. Sorry to say but it's sort of nice having us both in the so similar but just different situation , at least we're not going batty alone right.

Just say what you think though ok no problem l need some the damn reality checks.

Must admit l'm missing her though, even her well wrong word really but kind of neurotic ways you could say. She's that kind of lovable pain in the arse you know, l've realized that l'd just have to except , maybe chuckle and just live with if we were going on, ldk

Even so though ha, we'd have to be together to even manage that though right.

See, through all her legal stuff, bc she didn't have anywhere to stay her case manager scored her this unit. God knows why Syd is so dear but under the circumstances it's a sort of Gov thing but so she now has this unit at about 30% of the real Syd rent costs, maybe even less. So although it was only suppose to be temporary they've now told her she can keep it forever if she wants.

That's the thing, but if she leaves that's it she won't get another one she couldn't even be in Syd if not for this. The plan was she'd come down to mine once the court stuff was over but in the meantime this came along .

lf we were gonna stick it out and l could live there problem would be solved but look for her alone it's nice too yaknow, and really nice inside too but for me, l couldn't live there myself. Can't even drive there it's a waste of time the traffics insane my car just sits there until l leave we just use trains.

Anywayyyy, rock and a hard place and going in circles. maybe your right maybe it is the universe , things sure just don't seem to have wanted to fall into place that is for sure. And l have always been very suss of that alone bc l've always found that when something just doesn't seem to want to happen then it's usually the wrong path anyway. Should've listened to it yrs ago.