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Painfully lost and lonely

Speak Your Truth
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Growing up in a dysfunctional family I felt extremely lost, lonely and nervous as a child. I have never been able to shake it off and all my adult life it has been hovering somewhere in the background, if not the foreground. Because of recent events it’s back now with a vengeance, and the pain of it is gut wrenching.

The crowds of people and the noise in a lot public places can be overwhelming and exhausting. I see groups of people together, families, couples, friends, and of course individuals like myself. Some of them will possibly be people on this forum. Everyone will have their stories to tell and a lot of them will be difficult. How I do wish that we could get together, share a coffee and help each other feel better. This forum is as close as a lot of us can get.

I feel so sad, lost, lonely, exhausted and my anxiety level is high. I don’t have family. I do know people but those closest to me are too far away to meet up with just for a coffee and chat. I’ve got neighbours but most of them I’ve dont even know what they look like, the ones that I do I am too afraid to admit my situation to because of the stigma of depression and anxiety, which I’ve experienced before. Sometimes I can’t be bothered showering as often as I need to, sometimes I only have basic food supplies and it’s too much effort to go to the supermarket.

How can I turn this around ? I am feeling quite desperate

10 Replies 10

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion


I've noticed you have posted 12 times, great!. That must mean you get something out of this forum and the more you participate the better it gets.

I agree, no benefit in admitting to neighbours your troubles. Best to just be...well...neighbours lol.

When my anxiety first peaked in 1987 I was 31yo and a mess. Shopping centres- hated them, crowds, queues, traffic lights, pollution etc. One day a group of friends decided to take me camping well away from civilization. We arrive dat darkness and when I woke the next day I stared a the horizon only to see a forest mill and stripped land - no trees. I went crazy. I had this urge to escape into the bush so when we returned to home I packed up my motorcycle and went into the Snowy mountains hoping never to emerge...I lasted 5 days. The reason was, I thought deeply about it, the dilemma.

I realized that I was stuck in civilization but hated the cities. I had to discover an in between place that would allow me to tap into the food supplies , medical, limited people contact but where I could be away from the masses of people, high crime etc. And so my move to the country began. We are 2 hours from Melbourne and its great. Renting or buying, doesn't matter. Plenty of old farm houses to rent in the country. That can free up your income to allow for more food. Even sharing accommodation can be so much cheaper. My wife and I actively save wildlife that get hurt by cars and take them to refuges. We can drive into the forests, to the lakes etc., in fact anywhere but the city.

My golden rule is to live anywhere that there are no parking meters no more than 3 traffic lights and a hospital with emergency facility. That usually equates to minimum 3000 people maximum 12,000. We do shop in a larger regional city of 60,000 people but only at the large supermarket where there is a large car park, no meters. Food is much cheaper and we can visit the retail stores. But we are never in that city longer than 3 hours.

These changes has allowed for my illnesses to be more manageable. Once settled you can join some light sports like table tennis, badminton golf etc and get to know the locals.

As for your anxiety please google

Topic: anxiety, how I eliminated it- beyondblue

Cheers TonyWK

Speak Your Truth
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
I am so unhappy today. Getting out of bed this morning was extremely hard because I didn’t want to face the day and still don’t now an hour later. Made some progress, have seen my doctor, my meds have been increased, now going to a psychologist, one appointment, another in two weeks. Have lost weight, no interest in food, can’t even think about a piece of toast for breakfast. No motivation, have to force myself to do anything. Met a new friend yesterday and had quality time, and so appreciate it, but it’s like a tiny tip of a massive iceberg compared to what I need and want. I just want to curl up in a ball and have dreamless sleep. It’s so painful and hard to be alone at home and feel like this. I read replies to my other posts and thank you all for it but the benefit of reading them leaves me quickly. I’m going round in circles

I’ve been reading some posts, again, and have been reminded that managing anxiety is hard work - it’s difficult to read that when I don’t have the energy for much at all, let alone hard work. My head feels full of thick cloud so much and I get so tired so quickly

Please could somebody reply to these last two posts of mine. I’m still finding it desperately hard to cope

Hello Speak the truth,

Im really sorry your last two posts haven't been acknowledged, by going on the last couple you are struggling a fair bit.

I am similar to you, I don't have friends, don't talk or even know my neighbours and my family live 7-8 hours away. I can't talk to people face 2 face, as I have a fear of people's reaction if I did talk to them.

Getting out of bed in the morning, no matter how hard it is, it is important to do so, because if you stay in bed the anxiety and sadness from your loneliness only increases. Please, I can't stress enough that you must eat to help you heal, without eating your nutrients start to diminish and you loose energy to fight anxiety, please can you try to eat a little everyday, Do you like playing internet games at all, I ask you this because it's important to distract yourself from your loneliness, sadness and anxiety, if your concentrating on doing something you like, it takes your thoughts away from your struggles.

I only go out one day a week, because people frighten me, so I don't really look at what other are doing, your new friend sounds like they are nice and I hope a closeness between you both develop. A tiny piece of light can be the starting point of better things for you to come. I really hope so for you. I'm pleased that you are seeing GP, Pysch ect. You had an appointment on the 25th, I hope that went well for you.

Anxiety is hard work, it's tiring, exhausting and not at all nice. When I feel over anxious I start deep breathing counting my breaths as I go, it helps to calm my mind, maybe you could try that..Do you have a grounding box prepared for when your anxiety gets over the top and you need grounding..There's a thread which explains about how to do grounding, we have a thread here on grounding.. just search grounding in the search bar..

please continue talking, posts don't usually go unanswered, I'll be around for a while, if you feel like talking.

Kind thoughts,


Oh Grandy I am so sorry to read how life is so hard for you. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to not be able to talk to people face to face, & to have family but have them so far away must be very difficult. Do you phone them ? Are you close to any of them ? as I’m sure that must help. Please accept my virtual hug 🤗

I don’t have any family but I do have a few friends nearby, & others who I can only contact by phone so I am getting that support at least.

Yes, it makes sense for us all, of course, to eat properly & I do eat every day, but not much. I’ve lost quite a lot of weight which I could well afford to loose, but it’s a hell of a way to do it. Most of my appetite has left me & taken my taste buds with it. The thought of eating has no appeal, nothing seems to taste good in a way to encourage my appetite, & sometimes when I do eat I feel a bit sick.

Yes my new friend is really nice but I don’t want to scare her off with all my problems, so taking it slowly. I had a bit of bright light recently when I had my nails done and won a little raffle prize. It’s difficult for me being on my own at home now, when normally ‘home’ is my haven from the madness of the world. Yesterday I saw my psych & I felt quite good, almost normal, which was a relief & has happened before when I am with people, but then I come home & it doesn?t take long to fall in a heap. I use some of the methods to manage anxiety but often I’m in such brain fog at home that I forget.

I have the ‘morning anxiety’ problem & take so long to get going. I’ve been going to bed earlier than normal (9.30pm) and & unusually waking early & going back to sleep, sometimes 2 or 3 times, & finally get up about 9am, so it’s not like I’m in bed all day. This morning I had to sort out a particular part of my financial outgoings & was on the phone for 45 minutes & afterwards I was unbelievably exhausted, which wouldn’t be my normal reaction & I fell asleep after for nearly 2 hours. The rest of the day has been a write-off as a result.

I have been listening to relaxation for anxiety music on YouTube which I have found helpful & might be for you too if you can access YouTube.

I wish you a happy evening & a Happy Easter Grandy. Thank you so much for your kind reply to my posts. I appreciate it very much. We will talk again no doubt. Here’s another virtual hug for you 🤗 - it’s a big, warm, caring one, from SYT

Hello SYT,

Thank you for your kind words, they really mean a lot to me

Yes it is difficult I have 3 sons and one of them msg every so often, I have some issues that I am trying to work out with the other two, our lives changed dramatically around 7 months ago, which changed a lot of things in our lives, before this yes we were very close with phone calls daily and visits monthly, I'm hoping we can work things out and become how we were.

Im please that you have friends, even phone contact is an excellent way to keep in touch, I hope things go good with your new friend, I think getting to know each other will be a new adventure for you both, and I agree just go slowly with your MH issues. Well done getting your nails done, I used to get mine done before but not for a few years now.

Congratulations on winning a small raffle, even if we win a very small prize it always feels good.

I've been living on my own for just over 4 years (widowed).and I find it very difficult especially at night, I don't work or go out, so makes it a long day.

My anxiety last the day and night until I fall asleep,it's my constant companion, I am lucky I suppose as I have two little dogs that requires me to get out of bed each morning to put them outside, lol they are my constant companions, like my shadows really, they follow me everywhere. Do you have any pets? The morning anxiety would be really hard for you, do you start to feel the anxiety leaves you throughout the day?

Thats Good you listen to meditation and relaxing music, I use the insight timer app on my phone and iPad, I have a few different ones, but insight is my favourite.

I also wish you a really Happy Easter SYT, and I hope today is a really nice and peaceful day for you. Thank you for your hugs, I always take them..I took yours and it warmed my heart, I'm sending you some as well. 🤗🤗🤗.

Please be gentle with yourself and enjoy your new day.

Kind thoughts,


Grandy sending you more hugs 🤗 🤗🤗 an Easter chic 🐣 chocolates 🍫 and flowers 💐🌻🌹


Hello SYT,

Thank you for your lovely gifts, they will be enjoyed, especially The chockie,, The flowers I will put in a vase, and the little chick..awe I think I will cuddle her...

I want to wish you a happy Easter and I hope you have a good time with peace and some happies.. I love hugs. Looks like you do as well..

{{{🤗🤗🤗}}}¥ some special warm easter hugs, 💐🌻💐..

Kind thoughts. xx