Overanalysing love and feelings

[Romy]

I have anxiety and I've always been an over thinker and over analyser. I'll go for weeks at a time thinking and worrying about one thing, that's totally ridiculous, and then I'll just forget about it completely and it'll go away.

Right now, I'm overanalysing my feelings for my boyfriend and it makes me feel horrible. We've been together 5 months and the honeymoon phase is starting to wear off. At the moment, we're both really busy with uni and work, so I'm stressed about other things and my mind is pre-occupied. I find myself not thinking about him as much and then when I realise I haven't thought about him for awhile, I feel guilty. I look forward to seeing him and I love being around him, but it's not the same butterfly, jittery feeling I used to get, because I'm so comfortable with him now. I'm not as clingy as I was at the start of the relationship. I used to feel sad and lonely when I didn't see him for a couple of days and I couldn't WAIT to see him. Now, I look forward to seeing him, but with other stuff going on, I don't really feel as obsessed, and I'm more laid back and chill even if I haven't seen him in a couple of days. By the way, he lives an hour and a half away which is why we don't see each other as often as we'd like. I definitely do not want to break up with him. I do love him and I want to take care of him and support him.

Is this just a normal part of the relationship progressing and maturing? Everyone always says that if you question your love for someone, then you mustn't love them. I don't think that's fair, since there's people like me out there who question every little thing!!!

[IsaJett]

Hi romy

thanks for writing .

i think it is so wonderful that you don’t think of him and then think of him ..it just means you are your own individual self whilst u r not together ...which is perfectly healthy .

i was in a relationship where I was very co dependent ...and it was not good for me ...it’s not healthy . A relationship should be 50/50...equal partners ...give and take compromise .

That butterfly feeling is fleeting moments and that honey moon phase will help u gel. But it’s not the be all and end all .

relationships need both partners to work on it ...to be nurtured ...so you both have to work on it . But no ...that butterfly sure doesn’t last forever ....unfortunately .lol

all relationships are unique on their own grounds so you should just do whatever feels right to you . Some see their boyfriend everyday ...some see them fortnightly ..some monthly .

long distance is awesome too ..it makes it that much special when you are together .

i know my Aunty sees her boyfriend monthly basis and it has been 18 years ...she lives in Singapore ...he lives in China ....so ...what does that tell you ?if the person is right for you ...you and him will make it work for the two of you to be together .

keep writing ....loved your post ...thanks for sharing .:-)

keep writing .

[Romy]

Thank-you! That was really helpful. I know all of what you've said is true, sometimes I just need reassurance that I'm normal haha. Society gives off this idea that if you don't always have butterflies and if you don't think of them every second, then you're not truly in love.

[ZiggOh]

Hi Romy,

I completely understand how you feel! The same thing happened to me! Around 6 months I started second-guessing and even obsessing if we were right for each other as the Honeymoon period was over. I still worry that we don't get along or that we aren't right for each other but I know deep down, once all the anxiety bull-fluff has gone, that he is right for me 🙂

I also kind of freak out when I realised we haven't seen each other for a few days, and that I am okay with it, but I honestly think it is normal and also healthy. I feel that this is the first healthy and not co-dependent relationship I have ever been in. Yes the honeymoon period is gone, but if you know deep down after you worry, that there's something special there, that's all that matters.

I question my love for my partner all the time, but I have an anxiety disorder so I think that just comes with it unfortunately.

[IsaJett]

Hi Romy

glad to be of assistance 🙂 and you are so normal . Hehe

a lot of people might say things that they think you should do or shouldn’t do ...they put unnecessary expectations on your relationship that isn’t even theirs . This might cause you unnecessary stress . I have learned that in a relationship only the people involve can know exactly what is needed to flourish . So you and your partner as long as there is mutual love and respect . Compromise etc ...all will be awesome .

keep smiling and continue to post and enjoy your relationship 🙂

[Romy]

"I also kind of freak out when I realised we haven't seen each other for a few days, and that I am okay with it,"

YES, that's exactly what I do hahahahaha - Thank-you, it's really helpful to know other people get like this.