ODD and Conduct disorder
Im new to these forums so i hope i make sense i want to share my story Im a mum who suffers anxiety and depression and am currently very frustrated and heartbroken.
I have 4 kids 3 boys and 1 girl oldest boy is 12 and 11 year old twins they suffer with alot of behavioural problems. I was in a violent relationship with the father of my daughter he tormented us all for 3 years my boys picked up on alot of his behaviour when i left him and moved to another my boys went out of control started punching holes in my walls, climbing on my roof, swearing at me, spitting and running away.
Nobody could help the school anyone as they dont listen to anyone. So i decided it was time to send them to there dads me and my daughter moved to victoria i needed a fresh start and try and get back into a routine and strong enough again to take the boys back in march this year there dad didnt want to care for them anymore so sent them down here. I thought that it would be easier and was a lot stronger to set rules and boundaries for them i was wrong they refused to listen and broke every rule.
Even though i have had happy times with them and love them dearly the last 6 months has been hell for me after about a month of living with me they started running away, wagging school, smoking, having really bad pysical fights with eachother they i couldnt break up, they have hit me, spat on me called me all the worst names my oldest son got got that bad at running away and causing trouble, stealing smashing peoples property the police were constantly bringing him home, child protection finally got involved and removed him from care as i wasnt keeping him safe when he was roaming the street he was placed in a resi unit but his behaviours contined so today they removed and placed him in secure welfare in melbourne i have been blaming myself and googling conduct disorder and odd my anxiety is killing me i feel like i have failed him and want to get him all the help he needs. I feel lome everybody social workers and family support workers have just put him in the to hard basket and closed our case i need help but dont know where to get it.
If any parents have any advice on yhis i would much appreciate it as i feel like im going crazy and i have to stay strong
Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story so honestly.
You have been through a lot but I can see you are determined to get the best help for your children.
I am parent of three and while I have been through struggles with my children I have not experienced what you have.
I have a friend who had a son that was diagnosed with ODD and she struggled for many years.
She said trying to explain to other parents that a child with ODD is not your typical kid is very hard .
The main difference? Most children will allow others to have some degree of control over them. They may argue, but they will usually give in. They may break rules, but they allow themselves to be disciplined.
They will give over to parental (or adult) authority.
What’s the biggest fear an ODD kid has? Loss of control to a parent, or any adult authority figure. In an argument, your ODD child will dig his heels in rather than yield. As soon as he feels threatened, it’s on!
My friend said people who don't have a child with ODD ,give well meaning advice but don't understand what a parent is dealing with. I am sure you get a lot of advice.
My friend learnt the hard way that blaming yourself or your child does not help and it just goes around in circles and only makes you resentful and angry.
My friend found she was keeping a list of all the things he had done wrong not just in a day but a week, so when he did a small thig wrong she had all the emotions of all his other behaviour. She decided each day that he would have a clean slate and so he could start again.This way he had a chance to learn form his mistakes.
Sometimes my friend told me, children just need to rant. As parents we want to solve our childrens problems but at times we need to listen. I personally have found this difficult as I want to make things better.
Breezy, I have written a lot and there's more but I wonder if you could find a self help book for parents of children like your boys. Also is it possible to ask a social worker to find you a psychologist who is an expert in this area.
Hopefully someone with personal experienced will reply.
I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and we are here to support you.
If you browse through the threads or type into the search engine you may find useful articles and threads.
Feel free to browse here as much as you want to.
Last night, things escalated so badly that police got involved.
My once so sweet, innocent child decided that she wanted to self harm herself.
I had noticed a change in her behaviour when my ex and i split last year.
She refuses to go to school some days. She is highly aggressive and has a fear of no-one.
Some days I actually fear her! She is taller than me and stronger than me.
Tonight I jumped online and found that she has all the symptoms of an ODD.
It's always got to be her way or no way.
I work and try my best to give her what she needs, but it is never enough.
It has come to the point that I know I love her, but hate the person she has become.
I'm so worn out!
I have full custody of her. My family love her to death, but she has worn them out as well.
I'm at the stage that I don't know what else to do!