No one knows about my mental health issues.

[Snowman02]

I've been seeing therapists over the course of 7+ years, I've been diagnosed with depression and Body dysmorphic disorder amongst other issues, and I've been on medication for over a year.

Thing is my wife and son know nothing of this. I'm not sure why I've never told them about this, maybe for fear of looking weak. Obviously I do a very good job of hiding it well.

To be honest, I wouldn't know where to start with telling them. The therapists have often said I need to tell my wife, as some of my issues are marriage related. Thing is my wife has little empathy when it comes to mental health, and has a dim view of therapy.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation, and did you manage to come clean. If so, how?

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with depression and Body dysmorphic disorder, and that you've been keeping this from your wife and son. It takes a lot of courage to seek help and to work on your mental health, and I want you to know that you are not weak for doing so.

It's understandable that you feel hesitant about sharing this with your wife, especially if you feel she may not be supportive. Is it possible that your wife suspect something? By your behaviours or? I am also wondering if this from her may be putting a strain on your relationship and may be hindering your progress?

Perhaps it would be helpful to approach the conversation by expressing how much you value her support and understanding, and how important it is to you that she knows what you're going through. 

I would also point out the fact that you are opening up on the forums here is a positive and maybe use this as a first step to telling your wife. Of course, this is only a suggestion. You can keep talking here until you feel the time is right. And while you have not told your family, you also care about your mental health - getting therapy is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength and self-awareness. 

I hope some of this makes sense.

[Karen0901]

I'm surprised she hasn't come to her own realization that you are struggling. I image your behaviour must be different with the depression. 

I'm wondering if she doesn't already suspect. If you talk about it with your wife, you may find her more understanding then you expect. Not only would any changes in your behaviour be concerning her, but when it comes to a loved one, people can change their attitude to mental health. 

[Snowman02]

One thing I'm actually good at is being able to hide my feelings and issues from those around me.

I just don't know where I'd start when it comes to explaining how I feel, with both BDD and depression.

I can foresee many awkward questions and stuff that I'd have to explain or justify.

[smallwolf]

hello.

It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to open up and share your experiences with someone else.

It's okay to feel unsure about where to start or how to explain what you're going through. It's normal to worry about being judged or misunderstood - I still have to provide a disclaimer when I have to talk to my wife about something mental health wise. 

There are people who care about you and want to support you. You don't have to share everything at once, but opening up a little bit at a time can help you build trust and feel more comfortable discussing your feelings and issues.

[HelloGail]

Hello Snowman02

In your wife's description, I understand why you haven't told her, you are using your instincts. My ex husband lacked empathy, but only you know your wife, trust your own judgement but if you do go ahead and tell you, find a written topic on it and ask her to read it and ask her what she thinks of body dysmorphic disorder. In other words, create a discussion on it. Communication is better than bottling it up inside. Just find the right time to tell her. Good wishes.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Snowman02,

I suffer from medical conditions and have struggled a lot with them over the years. In a way I’ve been thankful that I’m not really able to hide them as it’s forced me to have that conversation with people and let them know what’s going on with me. Most people are empathetic and understanding, some are not and therefore tend to fade into the background, which is actually a blessing as it allows you to be surrounded by those people who accept you for who you are. You deserve to live an authentic life and to be accepted for who you are. Your wife has a right to react however she is going to react about it and that is her business. Her acceptance of your illness would obviously be really nice, but it doesn’t actually change a damn thing. If you hide your illness, she still isn’t accepting of mental illness, which you have, so you might as well give her the opportunity to prove you wrong, and if she doesn’t, well then at least you know.