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Newly married but irritability and aggressiveness are ruining our marriage

Community Member


I've had depression and anxiety since I was 10years old (I am currently 27). I have been with my husband for 5.5 years and we got married 6 months ago. We went on our honeymoon to Africa in February and bought our first house in March. Since Africa though my depression has come back in full force. I have spent the last 6 weeks unable to go to work and feeling completely worthless and hopeless. My husband, being a logical male, wants to just find a solution to the problem and struggles with the complexity of my depression and anxiety. He tries hard to be supportive and helpful as much as he can but he really doesn't understand why I feel the way I do (which is hard for him), I don't understand why I am the way I am, I wish I did.

Anyway whenever I get stressed, anxious or down I become extremely irritable, bitchy and snappy towards him. I don't know why, I just can't seem to control my emotions and I end up snapping at him constantly over really stupid, small things. It's really starting to affect our relationship. I hate hurting him so much, I feel like such a monster.

Has anyone had any experience with something like this? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? I am currently seeing a psychologist, naturopath and acupuncturist. We are also booked in for relationship counselling next month. I have tried many different antidepressants with not much success.

I really just want to fix this so I can stop hurting him. Any advice would be great.

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi DH, welcome

I don't have a direct answer for you. This aggression seems deep and professional care might be the best road.

I've got a few threads you can google and have a read that might help.

"Topic: embracing the embracer- beoyndblue"

"topic: Depression a ship on the high seas- beyondblue"

"Topic: Nip it in the bud, ideas- beyondblue"

"Topic: 3 things, happy marriage, hobbies and spirit- beyondblue"

"Topic: your attitude is not a mental illness- beyondblue"

"Topic: when emotions take over logic- beyondblue"

"Topic: prevention is better than cure- beyondblue"

"Topic: Upset and desperate?...some ideas- beyondblue"

"Topic: anger can you own it?- beyondblue"

Sorry there are so many but each will have some words that will be relevant and valuable to your situation.

Best of luck. Feel free to repost Tony WK

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello DH

A Warm Welcome to the forums..My name is Paul and like yourself have had the depression/anxiety for many years. It can be a dreadful place to be.

When my anxiety/depression were spiking I was like you...a lot...I was a grumpy pain...impatient etc...Most of the time having this short fuse and being snappy is the depression talking...Having a tired mind as a result of dealing with the symptoms which can be awful.

I mentioned to my psychologist that I was being a snappy tom and after some more regular therapy and adjustment of my AD's the tired and stresses mind I had did recover. I have recently had a set back and was very down recently and started to bite and growl again but a friend of mine came out and told me to have a break and also I booked back in to my therapist. I think my trigger was being made redundant from work in January.

Just for me, the more regular the therapy the better, even with seeing a good GP for a tune up now and again too

The severity of your depression will lessen. You are very pro-active and self aware...you have 3 types of health professionals booked in and you show great courage to post here too. You are anything but hopeless and are not a monster. Its like having diabetes or high blood pressure......Depression is an illness and means you are crook!

I understand that you have tried some meds..and well done. I have been very anti meds until my female GP kicked my butt so hard asking me why I was so special that I didnt have to take them...Boy..was I told. That was 20 years ago...They provided me with a foundation on which I could start to heal..there is no false 'happiness'...they just take away the bad lows so the depressive symptoms arent as severe. Anyway that was just my background to give you some background from a guy that is still anti-meds but has realised the benefits

I really do you have some peace soon

Paul x

Community Member

Hi D.H I don't know whether to congratulate you for Africa or not. I will, however congratulate you on your marriage. Can I ask what, if anything, happened in Africa? How long were you there? The lead up to getting married can be stressful, worrying about the honeymoon etc. Did you have any set plans for your return home? Did you enjoy Africa? Perhaps maybe a mild sedative to help calm you rather than AD's. I'm not suggesting you may not need AD's, but until you're able to work through whatever's causing the depression, mild sedation might be more beneficial. Perhaps a trip to the Dr to enquire about sedatives. At this stage I'd keep seeing your present psych, naturopath and acupuncturist, but sedation might help as well.

Are you sleeping okay?