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My wife wants a break.

Community Member
I dont know where to start i am not a public person and don't like talking about my problems even to family.

So here goes my wife of 2 years together for 6 Years and one kid together.Has asked for a break from each other to deal with everything i her life. A long list of personal family stuff on top us with some downs. She need time to get herself right and her independency back. I understand all that and want to help her.

She just has also said not to wait around for her and that i should be happy if i find someone else and that if we sleep with other people she wouldn't judge or care. Thats the bit that has got me i love my wife more then anything and i can't handle that thought. I dont have the need to i just want her to get better so we can be a family again. i keep crying and hardle eating and getting angry really easy now.

How would i go about fixing this before she has the need or the opportunity presents itself and how to deal with it if she does cause i dont think i could cope with it as it has been a ruff year. My son having 3 surgerys, my grandma passing away, losing my job and now this.
4 Replies 4

Community Member

Hi Joe

firstly good work on reaching out for help. it is never easy!

one thing ive leanred in life is that you cant alwayf fix the thing you want to, especially if it invovles somebody else doing something.

you can control your own action though. i can see its been a really hard year so its really imopratnt to look after yourself mate... make ur bed, eat healthy, exercise, keep good habits.. all these little things can seem so useless in the moment but they help, trust me. i have been there before, just gotta do those little things and remember to be kind to yourself.

Community Member

Hi Joe

It's not easy hearing those words “ I want a break” from a spouse you love.

Has your wife outlined any practical steps how this break could work? Given that you’ve lost your job and you have a child together, I imagine there would be some logistical challenges.

How is your wife’s mental health. Any history of depression and/or anxiety? Could this be clouding her judgement?
If the answer is yes, is she seeing a mental health professional?

Assuming your wife is healthy and insisting on a separation, there is little you can do to stop her. From what you have written, I doubt that you will be able to persuade her to change her mind.

It sounds like she doesn’t care whether the marriage survives or not and unfortunately that makes it nearly impossible to influence her behaviour.

If you think she is maybe not acting in her best interests due to mental health burden, is it possible to discuss getting her to see a mental health professional?

If that is not an option, perhaps you may have to work with her for the least worst outcome for you and your family. If that involves separation, it will hurt but it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the marriage.

Anyway, write back if you would like to talk things through and perhaps we can find another way for you to help your wife.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Joe,

Welcome to you and I hope you find some help on the forums.

Sorry to hear all you have gone through this year - it really tests a marriage, and at times like these, you really want your partner there for support and to be supported.

Your wife has "asked for a break from each other to deal with everything in her life" - would 'everything' be the same you have had to deal with, or is there more to that statement?

And "not to wait around for her and that I should be happy if I find someone else..." - I see why that makes you feel anxious, as it sounds like an externalisation of an internal desire to escape the present situation.

If these messages aren't clear to you, I'd recommend you find out more from your wife - if not to change what happens, but at least to fully understand those reasons from which you can then work toward a recovery. Presently, it appears as though your wife is closing the door behind her, leaving you adrift.



Community Member

Good afternoon Joe.

Welcome to the forum. You must be in a world of pain and hurt right now and please make sure you look after yourself through these tough times. You must feel so overwhelmed and confused about this, I know I would. For her to have cut you off and then tell you to find happiness elsewhere, is pretty much the same as throwing mud at your face. I think this is your time to shine, to work on anything that you need to improve on, stay in touch with family and friends and please look after you. Right now, you are the most important person and I only wish you the best and that you do find someone who will love you.