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Community Member
I have been with my partner for around a year now. He was amazing and thoughtful and the start of our relationship, however for the last 5months i must have done something to turn him off. I have suffered depression for a while now and i have discussed this with him. When I really need him and im having a breakdown he is never there, he will apologise after when I have explained that I needed him. If I ask him to come around because I am sad he doesn't come. If I explain my feelings and thoughts to him about him not being there for me, I end up apologising for my feelings because I dont want him to be annoyed with me or upset. I have spoken to him numerous times about how I just need more support and he always agrees to but never comes through. If it was his mates he would be there, but he just isnt for his partner. I ask to see him and he tells me he needs his space and time to relax in his own, which is fine but i haven't seen him in about 4 days prior to asking. Im just wondering what i have done, i love him. But him constantly not giving me support hurts so much when I need it. But I also feel like I dont deserve better and I should be more understanding of his feelings not so selfish of mine. I feel alone and abandoned but I also feel selfish for feeling this way. I end up having panic attacks and crying my self to sleep. If I leave him I would be just as alone and I know that I am not good enough for anyone else to date, so I feel I should just stay. But I am so sad. i just feel like a disappointment
3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Jane, and a warm welcome.

Some partners/spouses are not capable or don't understand how to help you when depression comes, simply because they too maybe having issues themselves, which haven't been discussed, and in an effort t help you, may only enhance their own problems.

When depression arrives we either close up and not talk to anyone or we want to talk with someone who we know cares about us, not only once but on a continual basis, if they allow this to happen.

Some only want to hear us once, then they run, disappear so we don't see them again, much to our disappointment.

Suffering from any type of depression does require a great of support in many areas we don't realise, because it's much more than just being sad for a day or so, there's a multitude of events that aren't noticed.

It's sad when you say 'that I am not good enough for anyone else to date' but truly understand how you are thinking, however, your relationship and whether you love him, he doesn't want to be with you now while you need him.

There are places that can support you through this and will post them in next reply.

Take care.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Jane,

-Headspace www.headspace.com › contact-us

-Kids helpline 1800 55 1800

-Black Dog Institute in your State

-Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

-Sane 1800 18 SANE (7263)

-Reachout 1800RESPECT, or 1800 737 732, available 24/7.

other sites people will also provide.

Hope this helps but please get back to us.


Community Member

Hi Jane.

I feel for you through this difficult time. Please keep yourself as strong as possible and speak with a councilor about your feelings. Can I assume that you feel alone and abandoned because the way your partner is treating you. You need to look after yourself in this time of need, especially if your partner may not reliable. Healthy people don't play mind games with their partner. If you feel that you are hitting a brick-wall and your partner still cannot meet your care needs, it may be something he needs to work on his own.