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Just need some advice...

Community Member

Hi, I'm just a simple guy... happily married (or so I keep telling myself), with kids...

Met my wife back when we were still teenagers... love of my life! Still now, she truly is the love of my life.

We've always been different, in terms of, in general we like different things. I never saw that as an issue, because our difference is actually what compliments our relationship in my aspects.

Anyway, to cut a long story short... I cheated on my wife. I went 'with the boys' to a place where they offered massage 'with a happy ending'. I went twice. The first time I went, the experience really was NOT good. It was awkward... and didn't feel good at all. The next time 'the boys' went, I went again, but when I was there, I chickened out and "didn't go all the way".

After that, I realised that what I have with my wife (even though she's literally the ONLY woman I have ever been with since I was a teenager) is soooooooo much BETTER than visiting 'those sinful places'.

I truly regretted what I did... I was weak... I was curious... and I can honestly say that is was PURELY A PHYSICAL CURIOSITY that made me do it! I was NEVER dissatisfied with what I have with my wife... as a matter of fact, what happened in those massage place made me even cherish what I have more with my wife, because what we have is something that is so much more special and just waaaaayyyyy better than any experience I could possibly have from those 'massage places'.

Anyway, that was about 6 years ago, and I have decided to 'come clean' with my wife. It's because the more our relationship gets better, the more 'that secret' was killing me inside. Movies I see on the TV... music I hear on the radio.. Things I read... Things people talk about... I always hear something about "cheating" and it's like a poison killing me inside! So I decided to come clean and told my wife about it.

Unfortunately, because of that, I feel like our relationship is in trouble. We've always had other issues around our differences... but THIS THING just made everything worse... and I think my wife wants to leave me... 😞 She is so sure in her mind that the reason I did what I did is because I was NOT SATISFIED with her... but it's just NOT the truth! And no matter how I explain to her, I don't think I can change her mind. 😞

I feel that she still loves me, but I also feel she is now unsure. I don't know what to do 😞

I am lost without her and want to work things out.

I dont know if she'll ever forgive me.. 😞

1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion
Hi and welcome to beyond blue.

The questions you have asked in your post are all normal... I am guessing that in your coming clean you told her and perhaps little follow up? I am unsure how long ago you told your wife but there might be a time where she will feel betrayed or ??? It will take time for her to process everything that you told her. Then whether she forgives you and the after effect of that is up to her to a degree. After forgiveness there is a renew or release the relationship.

At the same time the answers to your questions could also be handled via another conversation with your wife.

And another possibility is to get some professional help for yourself to work out the the answers to those thoughts you have. (It may also show genuine concern for your marriage.) Or couple counseling?

I hope you will be able to work out a way forward from this.