My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina · ‎01-05-2016

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months.

He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.

Jasmine-Tina · ‎09-05-2016

Dear Lazykh, Thank you for your different spin on my situation. It was definitely an eye opener. Thank you also for taking the time to post. Yes, you are right, I am just holding on to this relationship and I had lots of dreams going on for this relationship, so it is hard to just let go. The actions he is displaying is not very lovable. For now though I am concentrating on looking after myself. I have seen a solicitor. They couldn't help me as much as my situation has not hit the fan yet, so to speak. But the only question I wanted answered is, Can I stay if he tells me to move. The answer is Yes! I can stay and I don't have to move. I agree with you when you mentioned about how lucky I am that we did not have a child together. That would have been a disaster! Even when he was playing a lot on his on-line violent games, even I did not want to have a baby with him if this is the life the baby will be experiencing. So I was happy to delay that dream of mine some more. But now, oh my! What happened! I am still asking myself that question everyday. But I have decided this week, I will stop punishing my head and stop figuring out this mystery. Thankfully, I have managed to keep my work out of sight. I never wanted my home life to interfere with work, hence my visit to the counsellor. Thank again for all your post and support. J-Tina.

geoff · ‎10-05-2016

dear Tina, a great deal of support for you has been going on since I was away for 3 days and that's terrific, because you have connected with many people, and I can see a great change in how you are looking at your situation, and I say this because what it means is that you are getting stronger, even though you may find that a bit difficult, but I cn see it.
I wonder what would happen if his 'video- machine' wasn't working, go out, drink more or see his mates, in other words he wouldn't stay with you, and if you think this would happen, then it's only going along the way the pattern is developing.
By having a baby with him would be a big mistake, as I think you know, and yes you would be correct.
A good way on how to think about the future is to pretend you reverse positions, that is you are in his position while he is you, and then think about what the plan would be, this is to just give you a better understanding of the situation, if you know what I mean.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are feeling or what your intentions are going to be. Geoff. x

trapped_in_a_void · ‎11-05-2016

Hi Jasmine-Tina

I read this post with great mixed emotions, as i suffer from an addictive personality, and online gaming was a great contributor to the end of my relationship, unlike your situation i loved my partner with all my heart i just couldn't show it, my story is not that dissimilar to yours just role reversed.

I met my partner when i was 21 and 6 years later we became a couple i was a heavy pot smoker myself since i was 16 and would mixed the both with booze, it was at this point she said it was her or the drugs, i had more love for her than i did for the drugs and i got clean.

We found other common interest to fill the void of my need to be compulsive i was 27 then, and things were great but after 10 years of being of same routine and the same patterns it took a toll on our relationship, i became distant and withdrawn as i let my disorder take over, i did not go back to drugs but online gaming was my new obsession, i am not a handy man or a gym junkie, not physically strong but i am good at games which in turn rewarded my brain with its reward and so began this addiction cycle.

Unfortunately for me it finally took it toll so much that we are now separated, and i do not blame her as it would of been hard living for 14 years like that, our story is the same but also very different as there was alot more years in our relationship.

Do i still play yes i do

Do regret how life has ended yes i do

I have to worked hard to try curb my addictions and now i limit my self to a set amount of time i spend online.

Can i offer you any useful advise no probably not, i can only say it is not easy living with people like us.

If you have any question please feel free to ask, i recognised that i have a problem but maybe your husband has not.

I wish you all the best in what ever you decide

Regards

Trapped

Jasmine-Tina · ‎11-05-2016

Dear Geoff, Thank you again for taking the time to post. Well you are right, he must be sick of playing his on-line games, lately he has been working late and then going to see a friend. I must be so ridiculous to look at that he needed to stay away. I cant be certain but its how I feel. The good days of when we had a great chat is a thing of the past. Two days ago I did not go home. I went for a drive and got home very late. It was during the week so 11:30pm was my limit as I had work on the next day.He

Jasmine-Tina · ‎11-05-2016

.. was in bed. I didnt feel a thing. I had a good time alone. The next morning he asked where was I. I told him the truth. But I did not wait around for his response. I was out the door. I drove to work so I can havr some me time. I feel like if I dont take any time out for me, it will destroy me. J-Tina.

Jasmine-Tina · ‎11-05-2016

Dear Trapped, Thanks for your post. Im glad you are aware of your addiction as a problem. Well my h...... knows he has an addiction but he doesnt see it as something bad. He blames me for all the time he spends on his games. Which I know is BS. I am aware he is not to blame. It is his way of justifying his actions. It is always someone elses fault. Its so sad and i know yhis is a disease but im not a professional helper so i cant help. Again he does not he has a problem. This life is tiring and such a waste! I will need to work on a strategy to set myself when the time comes that this mariage is over. J-Tina..rhink

geoff · ‎12-05-2016

dear Tina, it seems as though the gap is getting wider, but even if you were a professional helper sometimes this can back fire, because discussing any problems with a person you are living with won't necessarily go to plan, as it's a different situation when a professional is talking to a patient, rather than a family member or someone they live with. Take care. Geoff. x

Jasmine-Tina · ‎12-05-2016

Dear Geoff, Thank you for your post. Yes I agree with you. Only professionals know how to help such individual. It has been 12 days and I cant believe Im still in this situation. The unknown is very hard to deal with. Although I have some plans for the next month, after this I wont have any. But by thrn I am not sure if I can manage. But I will try. J-Tina.

geoff · ‎13-05-2016

dear Tina, try and be confident about your plans or is it that you maybe afraid of them happening or that they could go wrong, or perhaps it's not what you want to happen.

Please remember that you have to make a decision that could change your life style, or not so much that, but start a new life once again.

geoff · ‎13-05-2016

sorry Tina about the cut off from what I was saying.
It's you that you have to look after, that's your prime concern, and try and think about what could happen in a few weeks, months or even much later on, that's your prime concern. Love Geoff. x