My estranged daughter turns 21 today

[Jstar49]

Hi everyone, I'm completely new here so Hello and thanks for being here.

It's my eldest daughter's 21st birthday today and I'm feeling pretty emotional about it. She hasn't spoken to me in 4 years, and refuses to have any contact with me, my husband or our 10 yr old daughter. I was a single mum with her, stayed around her dad's town in order for her to have a relationship with him but finally left when she was 8, to return up north and be closer to family. That's a whole other story.

She was impacted by my PND, for sure, and things have always been intense between us. Chaotic too. Interesting, but not exactly stable. My marriage when she was 10 was the start of some kind of normal, and now I've never been so content or mentally/emotionally stable, even tho I still need to take care of myself, not get overwhelmed, and watch myself re: taking on others opinions/judgements.

I worry about her but I tell myself maybe it's for the best, maybe she just needs time and space to discover who she is, and learn to forgive the mistakes of the past and accept herself and myself for who we are.

It's hard tho. Today I just would love to see her, see her smile at me, hug her and tell her how proud of her I am. And hear whatever she has to say.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. I know there's others out there with similar stories. It seems like the world just needs a course in family harmony! It's so sad for the kids that get caught up in it.

Cheers,

Jstar

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey J*,

Sorry I haven't been around much. There's still a lot going on. Just wanted to say I'm really glad the first day at work went well and you're feeling good about it. I hope the family dynamic adjusts in a helpful way as you all get used to the change. Good on you for getting yourself some treats now you have your own income coming in.

Blue.

[ecomama]

Hey J* and hi Blue and anyone else reading

I caught that last thing you wrote.... J* I'm sorry you feel the need to sleep on the couch.

Don't answer anything you don't want to ofcourse....

is this still the burning issue from Friday night?

does H just do the "no speakies" thing for days on end?

Thankyou yes things are pretty heavy atm.
At least I can breathe most of the time now!

Someone had a nose bleed at work today so those spare clothes sure came in handy!
You never know WHAT will happen.

I need to make dinner and get some rest soon.

So happy you're enjoying work, that's pickling awesome lol.

Love EM

[Jstar49]

Lol!

Ecomama said 'Thats pickling awesome!'

I'm stealing!

Couch was a good strategy for getting good sleep- yep no speakies! I walled myself in tight for a few days. Walls came crashing down today with extra stress of yesterdays training, so it was a difficult day emotionally.

H cooked dinner and we spoke like reasonable human beings tonite. He's back.

I think tho the couch/spare room strategy will stay as its a good way to ensure we both get the best sleep possible. I can't do this job on very little sleep, someone will get hurt (probably me).

Hey Blue, how are you doin'? Have you got any little rays of sunlight you can share with us?

Thankyou! I can't wait until I actually get paid! Not for another fortnite I think....So I'm still spending H money.(actually the food money, and its food right? Just not for the whole family!)...BUT....this will change really soon!

Sounds like we're all going thru a tough time.

My friends, I have one arm around each of you, and we're going to have a big hug. Ready? GO! Squeeeeze!!!

Best thing about my day? My kid wrapping herself into me like she hasn't for ages. They grow up too fast!

Worst thing probably yelling at her to get to bed cos I was overloaded and juggling tasks.... This too shall pass.

So much better now that we're pulling together.BREATHE.

Love you guys!

J*

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey J* (with a wave to EM),

Sorry it's been tense and unpleasant with your husband. That said, I'm glad you're acknowledging your limits and taking care of yourself, doing what you need to get enough sleep and that sort of thing.

How am I doing? Not amazing, to be honest. I'll get into that in my thread. But as you have seen on there, it isn't all bad. LM home again, and refinance finally approved. Slow progress.

I don't think anyone can fault you for buying a few snacks ahead of your first work pay. I'm glad you're treating yourself a bit. You deserve it.

Ah, the group hug. My bro is big on those. 🙂

Yep, just breathe. You've got this.

Blue.

[ecomama]

Good afternoon darling friends

Hmmm gosh don't like what I'm reading about sleeping on the lounge!!
I must say though, I get it.

demon used to give me the silent treatment for months at times then when someone turned up he would turn into the SWEETEST IDK what... chameleon? and say "dear" and "darling" in front of them all then
SWITCH right back when they left.

That's why I did a Friday night thing I won't give you the name of since it's one of my silly sayings and would ID me 100% lol.

At least THEN I GOT to have "some" fun for a few hours a week.

How's work going?
Are you still enjoying it?

Do you have to do any more Courses next week?

I am ON LEAVE YAY!!
Still in my work clothes bec I only have 15mins before driving kids to work and out etc.
I'm just on Leave, not much rest tho, as per lol.

So glad T is still giving you hugs. HUGS ARE SUNSHINEY AWESOME!

I loved OUR group hug too.

Life is tough some times.
I'm trying to find things to be grateful for many times a day atm.
This seems to be my salve in challenging times.

HAPPY HOPPY EASTER!!!

Love EM

[Guest_4643]

Just saying Happy Easter to you all - J, EM & Blue, if you're all on this thread. 

[Jstar49]

Hi girls,

Hi Tayla, Happy Easter darlin girl! Nice to see you here 🙂

Happy Easter evryone. I hope your days are mellow and infused with love, forgiveness for yourself, and LOTS of YUMMY FOOD! What else are holidays for! This is not the time to be stingy! Tho I guess evrything in moderation, or else I will suffer with sore stomach.....and sore head probably!

I worked yesterday Em. It was a big hard physically taxing day, and my body is glad for a rest. I guess I will toughen up, just need time to adjust.

Slept in my own bed last nite- after falling asleep on the couch lol. I think netflix turned itself off cos I don't remember doing it. So that was ok. We woke up this morning and had a laugh together over some stories of H's. I don't know if thats ever happened before...

He admitted last nite that he was digging his heels in, saying to himself, I earn the big wage for the family, pay the mortgage blah blah blah, why should I have to ........ and hence being very uncooperative. Buried layers of misogyny that he isn't even aware of. I think it's clicked that me working will actually mean us paying the mortgage off more quickly. I know. It's obvious, but something was stopping him from seeing it. The man just wants to retire!! But essentially has a problem with being dependent on me lol...

Anyway, yes I'm still enjoying work, altho I'm a bit daunted at doing this full time and being out there in the community on my own. I'm sure I'll get used to it. My clients loved me!

Em and Blues I'll catch up with you on your threads a bit later, keen to hear whats happening for you both.

Tayla I hope you're enjoying your day today 🧡

Better check on the easter buns! The mix is rising, so need to punch it down and form into buns, let it rise again, then soon the house will be filled with the smell of hot cross buns! ( without the cross probably, that bits too fiddly...)

Cheers,

J*

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Heya J*,

Happy Easter J*, Tayla & EM.

Not too much yummy food for me, ol' Blue is on a diet. Got some of those weeny sized Lindt bunnies and some Malteser bunnies to ration out though. Can't go cold turkey on chocolate at this time of year (though happy to say I haven't been craving it). I'm impressed you're making Easter buns. Gotta try that some day! Hope they come out well.

Glad to see some progress coming in communication with hubby. He's realising some things about himself that don't look so pretty when put out there. I hope he's willing to make some necessary changes to that thinking, to make things easier on your little family. It's a funny place to be in though, I think I'll be dazed and confused when my partner gets done with uni and starts earning, I'm used to being the breadwinner. He keeps saying he wants me to be able to work less, and as much as I'd love that, I know it'll be hard to step back and not be the main earner when the time comes. Too used to needing that independence for when things go wrong, I guess. Learning curve ahead!

It's normal to find full time work daunting when it's been so long, and if you're out in the community, probably more so. Sounds like you're a natural with this job though. You'll do just fine. Go you!

Blue.

[Jstar49]

Hi all,

Well, Easter is over for another year, and with it the need for awkward family get togethers! Man, my family is a bit weird. Today I found out that my sister- the only one I have, who mysteriously doesn't get my calls and messages- has been working in the same field as me for 3-4 mths! Yep, communication is really not a strong suit!

Speaking of communication, her youngest d has a charming honesty about what is being said at home. Informed us table (tho I wasn't there, H was) that I kicked my daughter out of home, and that I was being mean to her mum and not buying her a Christmas present. From the mouths of babes! H waited until we were in the car to fill me in, luckily for my composure. He and T also told the straight story. Tho this is a while down the track so no doubt it won't change anyone's opinions. It's true I don't buy my sister a Christmas present. I suggested that we just exchange presents for the kids. She agreed. As I have 2 and she has 3 I figured it would make it easier on both of us. Funny tho, becos for years when she was not talking to me, I would buy presents for her, and her kids, birthdays, Christmas, and get nothing in return. Maybe she feels guilty, or imputes her own motives onto me. She was being mean at the time, so I am now being mean.( I'm not, I'm trying to save money. And who needs more crap???)

It makes me feel sad that things can be so confused. I would like for someone to pick up the phone and check some facts with me, before talking it thru with their kids, T's cousins. But hey. Thats just a foolish wish.

H says why don't I go over there and clear things up. Well I might if she was sane and reasonable. I'm thinking she might be brain impaired from alcohol. My latest thought to explain all this.

And my brother gave me a hard time about not answering my phone. Which, if you knew how many unanswered calls and messages I have left over the years is quite funny. he called me on my birthday and I didn't pick up.( he can talk for a long time on those annual phone calls and I wasn't in the mood.) And on Christmas day, when we were seeing them the next day. Ludicrous!

Oh and my dad has cancer. So now I have to be nice to him. Hmmm. Can't see it changing him much tho. I don't even feel sad about it. I might have grieved that lost relationship a long time ago.

But on a good note, H and I went back to bed after breakfast. And locked the door. 😉

Thanks for listening friends. Stay safe and well. Look after YOU!

Love

J*

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey J*,

Ah, the awkward family get-togethers. I haven't had any of those in years, I only bother visiting the ones I like. It is weird finding out stuff like that about your sister's work, though.

Sorry to hear the BS your sister has been telling her kids. I know parents often just spew their emotive ideas at their kids without considering the consequences of it - my parents post-divorce were a prime example. You bet they got an earful from adolescent Blue about their bad behaviour! (I was pretty feisty even back then.) As for talking to you to check facts, that's not how most people operate, unfortunately. Sadly the hypocrisy with your brother re phone calls is pretty common, too. I'm sorry you're dealing with that crap.

Do you genuinely think your sister has an alcohol problem? I watched my former brother-in-law degenerate horribly from alcohol abuse, it's an ugly thing, especially in someone who just doesn't want help. Ultimately, we can't save other adults from their own choices, however much we may try.

How do you feel about your dad's illness? I can imagine some pretty mixed feelings.

Well, that's a good note with hubby, indeed. Nice work. 😉

Blue.