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MIL and Partner issues....

Community Member

Hi All,

This is the first time i have posted anything about this, so i am sorry if it is rather long. I am a 33 y/o mother of three beautiful children, and i am in management in the Mental Health sector (i am hoping that you realize that i am not stupid, and have a brain!)Basically, i have been with the Mr. for 13 years, and it has been a real struggle. I love him, so much, i have split from him several times, but the last time (the worst) i realized that he is my person, and that i want to be in this with him. After 7 years of trying to get him help, he got diagnosed with severe and chronic depression and anxiety, and was given a treatment plan to help him with this. He started taking the medications, and started doing the work involved, and after just under two months, i saw him again. The man i love. He started working, he was spending time with our two children then, was exercising and eating right, and had no more nightmares- and our relationship was thriving.

The issue is, his mother decided to intervene, and convince him that his only issue was me. And that he was fine, he didn't need medications, or any help, and that just because i worked in Mental Health, i was "bringing my work home" and making him a case study.

Needless to say, he stopped all treatment, cold turkey. Within 2 months, it was back to him not working, and verbally and emotionally abusing myself, and at times, the children. I told him, we are over. He invited his mother over, to talk to me. She said to me, in front of him, that i was being stupid, and that i am just looking for a fight. That i should just do what a "good partner and mother" does, and shut up.

We split for a few weeks, and i took him back. He did try. He worked, he focused on the kids, and we hardly ever fought. Then, we got pregnant again, and his mother decided to tell me once again i am an idiot and that i should just abort the "thing". And when i tried to tell him, he believed his mother of course.

Whole lot has happened since then, but at the moment i am not talking to her, it has been three months. This is because, she goaded him and lied to him to the point that he and i had a massive fight, and i called the police- and i now have an AVO on him.She of course, blames me for this.

I have so much that has happened between us in the last few months, and now she is wriggling her way back into our lives, and it has been amazing without her in it... what do i do? I know he is to blame, but she also makes it worse.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi unsure, welcome,

You are in a spot. Your MIL mimics my mother which 7 years ago I and my sister split from, I even had an AVO out on her as she tried to ruin my second wedding (she ruined my first in 1985).

Anywat, such temper tantrums and control over your son is a bigger issue than what some might think. The problem IMO isnt you, its the vontrol she has over her son and his inability to clearly see it. He's manipulated and the consequences effect everyone including your children.

For what its worth (considering my own experiences ) My view is- you are not married to her, he is not married to her. He either steps up and puts boundaries in place for her or you find it too problematic to continue the marriage.

Why isnt she just being a grandmother? As I said to my mother "psychs have minimum 15 years training compared to your ??"

Here are some threads that might help clarify things more. Of course make up your own mind, some parts wont apply,and I hope it helps. Use google

Topic: emotional blackmail- likely extreme bpd- beyondblue

Topic: controlling parents- the effect on their child- beyondblue

Topic: brother with personality disorder- beyondblue

Topic: bpd mother made me an emotional basket case- beyondblue

Topic: disowned by family members, how to survive it- beyondblue

Repost on those threads or here anytime.