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Married and in love with someone else

Community Member

Hi all

I don't know where else to go with this, but I feel like my current situation is eating me up and I'm so tired of it.

Long story so please bear with me.

I recently rekindled a friendship with my first love. We are both married and have admitted our feelings for each other. He has told me he is insanely in love with me. We tried cutting things off in order to work on our respective marriages but that only lasted about a month. If anything, I felt even more depressed during the time we weren't talking, like something significant was missing in my life.

I am so unhappy in my marriage and sick and tired. Sick and tired of us just not "clicking", living like room mates and feeling like there is no emotional or physical connection. He is more like my best friend, which some people say is essential to a marriage but then why do I feel like it's not enough? My husband is a great guy and he is the first person I go to for advice and support with my mental health. I'm not even sure if I could get the same thing from this other guy. I feel so selfish and like a bad person for feeling this way.

I have been questioning whether I am just infatuated with the other guy. I truly am blind when it comes to him, and feel like he is a drug. When I see him I'm on a high, which lasts for a few hours/days, then I crash. Can infatuation turn into long lasting love I wonder... I have never felt this way about anyone before, not even my husband. I was in my mid-20s when I married him and he was my first. I fee like I should have gotten more life experience before making a decision like that. At the time though, I'd been broken hearted and decided that truly being in love only led to heartache and instead I would marry someone that ticked the boxes. 

Yes I have thought about leaving my husband. But I'm terrified about the logistics aswell as the perception of me especially by my conservative family. Also I have had moderate-severe anxiety and depression for about a year now and not sure if a separation would be the best thing right now. Having said that, a lot of my anxiety and depression has stemmed from being in an unhappy marriage so.... Chicken or the egg I suppose.

i feel like I just want someone to tell me what to do! But in the meantime, any advice or relatable experiences would be so so appreciated.

11 Replies 11

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi lookingforpeace

that is really really hard hard place to be.

But I’m glad you are here . My advice would be to follow your heart ...whatever that means .but answer is within you ..drown out all the noise and listen to it . Good luck

Hello, I was wondering myself how it ended up. I guess one way or the other. There is nothing more emotionally torturous in my books.