Married and have a crush on some from work - Please help me

[lordrainyday8888]

I am a happily married guy with a beautiful and supporting wife - However, off lately met this girl at work and gone head over heels about her - I cannot stop thinking about and miss her every second in my life. when I see this girl at I am super energetic and very happy when I am with her and the movement I am back home - I unable to concentrate on anything and trying everything to stop thinking about her - But unable to do so the girl from work does not even know I love her so much and she is a good friend of mine and unable to express my feelings for her. Please help me - I don't know what to do - it's just driving me insane. I am pretty much-consuming alcohol every day in copious mounts just to sleep - I am totally frustrated with this situation and even thought of telling this person i have feelings for her but way too afraid to let her know. Can someone please advised me what i need to - thanks for your'e support

[WaterFront]

Hi Lordrainyday8888,

I painted the inside of my house from one end to the other. 24/7 thinking at the start of it and so much calmer by the end. It really stopped me thinking because I had to concentrate on what I was doing - took a few months to do.

So, try to find that thing that makes you have to concentrate and give all your focus to - probably something different for everyone but something that gets you out of your head.

Hope that helps. It's tough, and exhausting, to be constantly thinking about another person in this way.

WaterFront.

[Here2Talk]

Hi lrd,

i understand completely the almost addictive quality that the image of this woman in your mind has become.. This has been a long obsession... its curious that it brings you both pleasure and pain... like most addictive things. eg. Junk food is an immediate pleasure but makes you fat and unhealthy... Sorry that it i say “curious” when you’re so distressed....

I see you’ve thought of many different things, and people have suggested a lot, so at the risk of being just another one of the many ideas out there, I wonder what your opinion of yourself is.. someone suggested you cared about yourself and not her, but I’m wondering if you’ve attached such an importance to her worth, that you’ve neglected yourself?

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi Sleepy,

Traveling is not an issue - No matter what I concentrate on - after a while - it goes back to square one -

Just on update - I had chat with my wife and told her that I have a crush on the girl from work - she was disappointed - however, my wife told - it is just a phase where most of the couples go through and told me to get over that girl from work so we can work on our relationship - I am trying my level best to focus completely on my relationship with my wife - so it is better for me in the long run.

Eventually, I feel like after that chat I feel really disappointed in myself and feel guilty

I sometimes wonder why did I even tell that to my wife 😞 - She is definitely heartbroken - I feel so unhappy to have hurt her.

I sometimes wonder why did I even i met that girl in my life - i don't know if i need to let that girl from work know how i feel about her - so i can move on - kinda stuck 😞

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi Waterfront,

what u said is true - I am so emotionally and physically exhausted from this cycle .

I try my level best to concentrate on other things - eventually, it turns back to square one - Btw I told my wife about the girl from work and told my wife I have a crush on girl from work - My wife was disappointed, however she suggested us to meet a marriage counselor to get things sorted out - it's better for our relationship - so looking forward to it - hopefully it helps

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi

What you said is true? I have completely stopped looking after myself - I am diabetic type 1 and my health is getting messed up due to this situation - I am trying my level best to cope up with things - however, no matter what I do - going back to square one - I even told my wife about the girl from work and told my wife I have a crush on her - My wife was disappointed - however, we are looking forward to meeting a marriage counselor and work out the issue. Hopefully, it helps - Everyone here is helpful and have suggested I block the number of the girl from work - unfortunately even though I can block her number - I still remember it - It's kinda imprinted in my brain- so no use blocking her number - I want to tell that girl from work how I feel about her - so I know for a fact she will reject me straight away - so at least I can move on in my life - Don't know what to do? she is actually the most beautiful soul i have met in life and miss her even as friend 😞

[Guest_1643]

Hi lord rainy, i donthave much more advice on this one, but it sounds a bit like u have put her on a pedestal, and talk about her as if she is perfect. No one is.
Ur wife isn't and cant be either. The best is to see who is a compatible and caring person to keep in ur life, and hopefully marraige counselling will help u understand which way to go . Blocking someone's number has helped me in the past, I didn't have the problem of memerising it, though. I also have tried counting days, eg trying not to be in contact with someone for a time, like one day, then trying for two days, and ultiately getting free of the obsession that way.
But u have to want it. U dont have to want it forever, u can tell urself that perhaps you will decide later on if you want her in ur life again, but just for today, or for this week, or for now, in ur heart, there has to be a commitment to take a step back from her. I'm sure u can do it, and its great that ur wife is so supportive. although u disappointed her in the short term, ur honesty is commendable. Telling the truth is a very strong, noble thing to do. Well done 🙂

[WaterFront]

Hi Lordrainyday8888,

I counted days too and as each day passed it got a little bit easier. Then it became a challenge and eventually there was no way I was going to make contact and have to go back to day zero. Then, I started not counting anymore (mostly). Maybe set yourself the task, 'I'm not going to think about her for 10 minutes' and keep extending it. Just a suggestion. Have you tried meditation where you just focus on your breathing and nothing else?

Even though your wife was disappointed when you told her, it opens up the opportunity to work through it. It was also brave and honest. Now it's out in the open, there is the possibility of getting some support and you don't have to keep it in your head all by yourself - which must magnify it. I'm sure professionals have lots of techniques you could use to stop thinking about this person and also help you understand why you have become so infatuated in her.

WaterFront

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi Guys,

Quick update - I came across my old workmate who told me she quit the job where we both were working and found a new job - The biggest and the stupidest mistake I did was to message her and congratulated her on the new job and then we are back to square one - texting each other every other day - I even texted and told her I miss her in one of the messages.

Last week she told me she does not enjoy the new job where she is working - so I suggested getting in contact with my recruitment consultant to find a new job.

The crazy bit is my recruitment consultant found her a job at the new place where I currently work - Now she found a job at the same place I work and will be shortly joining me in a month or so.

I don't know what to do - I have started to find a new job asap and every day after work - all I do is search for jobs which is tiring and frustrating.

I am trying my level best to get away from her and for some reason, I end up - back to square one 😞

It just drives me crazy - I don't know what to do ?

Now if she joins my new company and works with me - then I will see her every day and my feelings for her will grow more and more - which I don't want and hurt anyone in this process.

I don't know what to do? 😞

[Guest_1643]

hi lord rainy, i feel confused reading this as you , if i may say, seem to not realise the choices you have made here, that this happened and could have been avoided.
If you block someone's number, you would not get any responses from her, even if you remember her number, it would be blocked from coming on your inbox, so you could focus on something else.
While u dont tell her how you feel, and don't tell ur wife about this, you are stuck, and things continue and go round and round. does ur wife know you found thsi woman a job?

[Hanna3]

I am wondering if she sees you as a friend and former colleague rather than having any romantic interest in you Lordrainyday.

I wonder if you are misinterpreting her messages to you.

Has she ever at all in any way expressed any romantic feelings for you, knowing that you are married? I emphasise romantic not just pleasant/friendly.

If you continue on this path I think you know your marriage and possibly your job/career are headed for disaster.

You will have to make a decision because you cannot keep your marriage intact and continue with this woman who may have no romantic interest in you at all from what you have said here.