Married and have a crush on some from work - Please help me

[lordrainyday8888]

I am a happily married guy with a beautiful and supporting wife - However, off lately met this girl at work and gone head over heels about her - I cannot stop thinking about and miss her every second in my life. when I see this girl at I am super energetic and very happy when I am with her and the movement I am back home - I unable to concentrate on anything and trying everything to stop thinking about her - But unable to do so the girl from work does not even know I love her so much and she is a good friend of mine and unable to express my feelings for her. Please help me - I don't know what to do - it's just driving me insane. I am pretty much-consuming alcohol every day in copious mounts just to sleep - I am totally frustrated with this situation and even thought of telling this person i have feelings for her but way too afraid to let her know. Can someone please advised me what i need to - thanks for your'e support

[Tam122]

Hi, I couldn’t help but let you know it is ok to find other people attractive. I am married and sometimes people come in and out of my life and I develop a attraction to them. What I find most helpful is to take myself out of that situation. I have moved gyms before, stopped talking to certain people and it works. I then think back to myself thank god I didn’t do anything silly because I could have lost my family. Best of luck

[Hanna3]

Hi there,

When you say you had lunch with this girl, was that just you and her or do you mean it was at a group function from your work? You say she sure does know, but how? Have you told her of your feelings or how do you know she knows?

I am feeling quite honestly concerned about whether this young woman is safe from you... if she is not interested and lets you know that, is she safe from you retaliating against her in some way? This all could have serious repercussions...

I really think some professional help would be good here... and for you to keep away and focus on other things to get this crush out of your head... I'm sorry for the anguish you are clearly going through but this is not any way to continue... why would a young woman want a relationship with a married man? I really think you need to get assistance from someone to help you think through this clearly...

Google " limerance", maybe that will help, there is a whole website about it... just think very hard about what might happen here.... OK.

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi Hanna,

It just only us for lunch - we have been sending texts to each other for quite some time.

But please watch out for your word's huh!!!! never in my life I would anything to hurt this person. I am not some psycho in the 1st place -

Yes been searching for limerence information - does not help

any way she said she wants to have a chat with me - waiting for that chat and will keep u guys posted.

[FiFiK]

Hi Lordrainday8888

It seems the effort of finding a new job to create distance was for show, if the intention is to continue to text. Your posts indicate a level of pre-occupation with this lady that is unhealthy. What is concerning is wanting to start a relationship with a new person when feeling suicidal and so very unhappy. Is it fair to this young lady?

Maybe spending some time in self-reflection and working with your psychologist would be healthier. Try and discover why you are so unhappy and learn what might make you feel better. Perhaps look at coping skills or communication strategies. I think the lovebug has clouded your mind. No matter what, I can't imagine your wife deserves to be deceived, lied to, and betrayed. She will be devastated, hurt, rejected and perhaps feel embarrassed or humiliated. I can't imagine you would feel good about causing her such pain.

Unfortunately once a cheater, always a cheater you can't undo hurtful actions. And you don't want the bedrock of your new relationship to be so shaky. And what happens if you become dissatisfied in this relationship? Will you find the next new person.

Go to relationship counselling if possible, if the relationship is no longer satisfying for you, call it quits in a way that is dignified and respectful (for you both). I really hope you make good decisions and all the best.

[Guest_1643]

Hi there

i'm not sure if u've ever had a crush on someone or thought someone to be baeutiful and perfect and then, after getting to know them bettere, you find out you actually dislike them and they're nothing like u've thought.

Appearances bely reality - I'm not sure if you and this woman havee stuff in common, have a great rapport, talk deeply and connect on various topics, have shared values etc..... or if in this specific work setting it just feels "right". It may not feel so right in the real world. Tbh I think this happens 9/10 times with affairs or relationships formed under some kind of unstable foundation...

I know u may think u may be the 1/10... i think we always tell ourselves we'll be the exception....

if u need to be a bit firm with the girl or hurt her feelings etc, or also take space from ur wife and the girl to sort out your feelings, i'd not feel guilty - put urself first here. It will be better for eeveryone in the end.

I hope you're taking care and feeeling okay.

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi Sleepy,

How are you? i am still unable to get over that girl from work - It's literally killing from inside - I miss her way too much - I am trying my level best to forget her - unable to do so 😞 - So unhappy in life

[Guest_1643]

hi thats hard lr,

have u read or found anythng that helps u at all, even in the short term, to address this problem ur dealing with

im sure a lot of ppl have found heir way of similar

for me blocking the person was successful but in combination with counselling

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi Sleepy,

I have been seeing a counselor as well - Does not help at all.

She is on my mind all the time - from the 1st thing in the morning when I get up all the way till I sleep - she is kinda stuck in my head. It is so hard to even concentrate on work and driving as well - I have been kinda lucky that I have not met with any accident till now.

BTW I have not spoken with her for more than a month and so unhappy

Even though I block her mobile number - I can remember it - Btw she has still not replied back to me

I don't even know even if she thinks about me even once and just messages me - just even say hi to me

I don't want to go through this suffering anymore - it's been like almost 8 months - I think about her day and night 😞

[Guest_1643]

hey ld it could be that the counsellor isn't so good with this particular issue - are there any other ppl you could think of to speak to? in my opinion there are a lot of unhelpful counsellors and it can take a while to find someone who is trained and sensitive in what we need.

well done on blocking her number.

there are apps for addictive behaviour - where u can click every day you succeed not to act on a compulsion. thats what i did to get someone out of my mind. how long since u haven't spoken to her?

if the counsellor doens't help maybe not the right counsellor, rther than that all counselling doesn't help, in my opinion.

[Guest_1643]

can u travel or go away for a bit to get ur mind off her, are there any times when u feel u get a nice break from the thoughts? Watching a movie, about something totally unrelated?
there is one on netflix about an octupus that i watched to distract from suicidal thouhts. sometimes concentrating on something entirely different has helped me... a song, a meal, a show, a place... because having obsessive thoughts is hard. even if you were in a relationship with this woman, and thought about her 24 hours a day, it would be very rough.