Married and have a crush on some from work - Please help me

[lordrainyday8888]

I am a happily married guy with a beautiful and supporting wife - However, off lately met this girl at work and gone head over heels about her - I cannot stop thinking about and miss her every second in my life. when I see this girl at I am super energetic and very happy when I am with her and the movement I am back home - I unable to concentrate on anything and trying everything to stop thinking about her - But unable to do so the girl from work does not even know I love her so much and she is a good friend of mine and unable to express my feelings for her. Please help me - I don't know what to do - it's just driving me insane. I am pretty much-consuming alcohol every day in copious mounts just to sleep - I am totally frustrated with this situation and even thought of telling this person i have feelings for her but way too afraid to let her know. Can someone please advised me what i need to - thanks for your'e support

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi Matchy,

Things are getting slightly better with my wife - No idea how long it is gonna last - hopefully, it does not go back to square one.

On a positive note- have applied for a few jobs and got a few positive responses as of now - hopefully, i should be able to nail one of the interviews and then just move on and never contact this girl from work.

But to not see her and talk to her - I miss her even more.

I have my next session with my doc next week - i am looking forward to it and let him know and work it out from there. thanks

[Matchy69]

Hi Lordrainyday I am glad you have slight improvement with your wife and you have an doctor's appointment next week.I hope you can find a new job and that can really distract you.Just hang in their and you can move past this.
Take care,
Mark.

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi Matchy,

It's back to square one - No matter what I do? - Now back to work in 2 weeks - I wish I get a new job and get out of this cycle - I am sooooooooo tired. I wish I was dead - get this out of the way.

Had a chat with my doc - helped a little bit for a couple of hours and was advised to let the girl from work know what I feel and at least have peace of mind. I want to tell her so badly - but super worried what will happen to my job and with this current scenario of covid - very hard to find a job - so unhappy in life.

Things with my wife improved for just a bit not full-on - so no idea what will happen next.

I just need some peace of mind - that is all I want - Can't even get that in my life 😞

so unhappy

[Sophie_M]

Hi lordrainyday8888,

Thanks for checking in to let us know how you're getting on. We're sorry to hear you feel so low. Please know things can improve. We're here to provide you with as much support, advice, conversation and understanding as you need. Please remember the peer support offered here, while often quick, is not immediate. For more immediate support please reach out to the mental health professionals at our support service 24/7 on 1300 22 4636.

[Matchy69]

Hi Lordrainy day I am sorry you are struggling so much with your feelings for this girl.What do you think she will say if you told her how you feel?How would you feel if she rejected you?How would it be if she says she thinks way? What about your wife and her feelings?Maby telling her how you feel will give you some answers.I know you are hurting so much,I wish their was an easy answer but their is not and someone is going to hurt from being you or your wife or this other girl or all.
Do you still want to be with your wife or do you want a trial seperation?Maby this would help you.
Please keep in touch to let us how you are going.
Take care,
Mark.

[lordrainyday8888]

Hi Matchy,

Sorry for the late reply - how have u been?

Good news - I got a new job finally and moved out of the old one . Things have changed so much - Guess what the girl from work - still have feelings for her - I miss her even more - I don't know what to do - it's too much for me - the struggle has been insane - the final day at work - I went out for lunch with that girl from work and she knows for sure - I miss her the most in my life - i will be planning on meeting her shortly sometime and need to have serious chat about it and work it from there.will keep u posted how it goes ?

[Guest_1643]

ught but i personally would not start an affair or relationship with a married man.
When I had married men approach me I would always say no and not be interested, it is just not approrpiate and who would want to get involved in that situation.... so realistically at this moment in time it would not be a good move for her or for you.

I'm so sorry you feel suicidal.... can u at all put aside or imagine that this is maybe not soley about the woman from work. Imagine if she was not a factor in ur life right now, would everything still be good? Would you be happily married , etc? The issues that need to be addressed are seperate to this desire for the woman from work, and I believe you can find a way to address these and get help.

I wander if you have acess to any social workers, who can provide some good, down to earth life advice and care.
Sometimes they have them available to see at health centres etc or hospitals. The more u feel supported i think u wll find a way to face this head-on.

Many ppl have written or suggested to take some space from this woman at work but I can see that isn't something you can do right now or are interested in. What ways do u feel you can help urself stay safe, connected and okay? If you continue to speak to her, will u be making it harder?

Crushes are normal and okay, and it's not your fault to feel this way but there might be some other ways to move out of the obsession, which can be damaging to everyone involved.

[Matchy69]

Hi lordrainyday thanks for your update.I was wondering how you were going.I think it's great you got a new job and don't see this woman every day now.I think you need to make a clean break from her and not to see her anymore.How is your marriage at the moment?I think you need to work out what you need to do with your marriage.Its a really hard situation for you.Are you still seeing a cousilor and talking about how you are still having feelings for this lady?I know how much emotional pain you are in and we are here if you need to talk.

Take care,

Mark.

[lantern22]

Ok. I am coming from an angle of a woman, who loved her husband dearly and was severely cheated on.

I am going to be straight-forward with you. I would encourage you to go home and love your wife. If you have an affair with this woman you could change your life, your wife's life and your children's lives for the worse.

That woman you admire could belong to someone else. Let her be. 

Work on your own relationship. Go home and love your wife, like you promised you would on your wedding day.

Cheating could destroy your life and that of the other person.

I will never heal from my husband's cheating. I will live with the pain but I have absolutely ZERO trust in all human beings thanks to my husband's infidelity.

That woman you admire has faults just like everyone else.

The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, it's wear your water it.

Go home and love your beauiful wife. She is a gift to you and so is your marriage.

Treasure your marriage! Wrap it up in Gold every mornind and night and build a massive hedge around it.

Trust me, you will never look back if you do.

[lantern22]

I don't feel a trial seperation would be helpful. He says he loves his wife, why would he want to separate from her?

He has very strong feelings at the moment, I feel he should bring them under control and go home and love his wie.

Divorce (for me), was the worst pain in the world!! have a pre-conceived idea of what may happen if you cheat.