Marriage bust up

[Lucky_b]

We broke up 14 months ago we two kids. We get along great but she has already slept with 6 guys and last one is cheating on her and she knows it but keeps going back in bed with him it eats me up y she would allow him to to treat her like this it breaks me up because we had to break up because I was lazy maybe I should have shit on. I feel worthless I am looking around no one wants a bar of me why am I so bad I don’t understand it it’s eating me up

[Sophie_M]

Dear Lucky b,

Welcome and thank you for reachig out tonight, we understand this can be difficult. We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling worthless at the moment. We can hear the pain in your post. Please know that you're not alone. We have sent you a private message to offer some additional support. 

We hope that you find some support in our welcoming forum community and we look forward to hearing more from you.

[geoff]

Hello Lucky b, and a warm welcome to the forums.

By your wife/partner cheating on you isn't any excuse for her to be sleeping with 6 other people, you don't ethically do this as a way to pay you back if, as you say you're lazy, there are other ways.

If you decide to be more active around the house doesn't mean she won't stop sleeping with other guys, and even if she says she isn't, then how much trust do you believe her.

Everybody has their own description of what being lazy is and also the opposite of 'doing as much as they can' but all of this depends on the relationship and what is expected, and especially an unwanted surprise.

We'd like to know how this situation is going.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guest909]

Hi Lucky b

You may not be the problem.

Sometimes the wrong doer (your partner) will convince the other spouse (you) that they are at fault for the break up. The reasons for the break up may have nothing to do with you being lazy, or anything other excuse that she has told you. So, stop blaming yourself.

You said that you broke up 14 months ago, if that is the case, you are not responsible for her poor life choices. Nothing you do will change her behaviour; after all, that may be why she left in the first place.

At this point you need to ask yourself, do I want her back? If yes, can I trust her not to do the same thing again?

Stay in touch!

[Guest_1055]

I am ever so sorry you feel worthless. I know what that feels like.

You seem like a decent person. You seem to care about your wife still.. Like you know she is precious and deserves to be treated with respect by these other men.

As for being lazy, you have control to change that if you want.

And you are a person of worth. And believe your wife is also, otherwise it would not eat you up so much knowing that she has been treated the way she has been by that man.

Just wanted you to really know you are worth it.

[Lucky_b]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and helping me.
In answer to the question no I don’t want her back just her friendship as we have two kids together and they live with her so I want there be a happy and relaxed atmosphere when we are all together.

She is see a cheating sleaze bag she has caught him out twice including with pics he sends women. The simple thing is I want her to respect herself and keep him out if the house and away from the kids.
She can be with a person like that but tells me I am not good enough to be with her that’s the kick in guts that drags me down is I am worth less then him

[Lucky_b]

Thank you

I don’t want her back but she is seeing a cheating sleaze bag she caught him out twice and he sends them sort of pics to women and she lets him stay at her house with my kids around. She see’s him as a better person then me that’s what’s making me feel so far down

[Betternow]

Lucky b,

I realise how tough it is watching your former wife mixing with undesirables and the potential negative affect this could have on your children.

Please do not emotionally punish yourself because you were rejected and she has taken up with a “sleaze bag”. As others have said, the only person you can control is yourself. Be the model father for your kids. Show them what a real looks like in actions and words.

One thing I’m wondering about Lucky b, how are you finding out about this sleaze bag being caught with cheating on your former wife. If it’s your ex spouse telling you all this, be careful. It could be narcissistic control, trying to keep you in the web of what sounds like her chaotic life. You aren’t the first ex husband to experience this type of control behaviour. It’s toxic.

I find the best communication between ex spouses is keep everything brief, to the point and about the children. If she tries to tell you her latest boyfriend troubles, shut her down immediately. If you weren’t good enough to be her husband, you certainly don’t need to be her romantic confidante.

[Guest909]

Hi Lucky ???

Betternow raised some good points; something worth thinking about; your actions will define you.

That being said, I get the impression that your are more concerned about the welfare of your children. If that is the case, there might be something you can do about it, especially if you ex and children are living in the former matrimonial home. In any event, the "better man" will always be there for his children.

Cheers

[Lucky_b]

Yes she told me.

Thanks for the true words at the you are right I can’t listen to her romantic conquest