Lonely, Lost and feeling Lousy

[wanted_a_simple_life]

What do you do when your children that were your world are taken???

You sacrifice to be there for them everyday and all of a sudden you only see them for 48 hours a fortnight.

You cant just move into a relationship like other people can and if you do you feel guilty like you have shut the door to the life you wanted so much.

What do you do when they were everything and now you have so much time on your hands outside of work, you might do stuff, but it doesnt make you happy cause the kids are not part of it.

Has anyone else gone through this??

[pipsy]

Hi W.S.L. Having any sort of party involving your kids is a great idea. They would probably love it. You could involve them so much, blowing up balloons, helping with 'nibbles', what a great way of interacting. They would probably talk about it for ages afterward. I'm not surprised you have days where grieving is so prevalent. Accept the grieving process for what it is. You enjoyed life with your kids 24/7, you don't have that, you're grieving. You never failed them, please never think that way. What happened between you and their mother forced you to make a decision you never wanted to make. If anything their mother failed them, you're doing everything you can to build a new life with them. That's not failing, failing is when you choose to walk away and not have any contact with them. You can still plan a future with them, you know. Everytime you see them, make plans for the time together, that's planning a future.

Lynda.

[wanted_a_simple_life]

Thanks Lynda, there still have moments where I just want it to all go away and be back with them 24/7, it's like a bad dream that you want to wake up from.

I still feel so robbed and miss them terribly most days. Now I have to fight for what is my flesh and blood.

I would do anything for them and even though Im not as organised as thier mum, I would try my hardest if I got more custody.

Just so lost without them.....

[Apollo_Black]

Hey WSL. I feel for you man I really do. Is there any possible way you can move close to your kids?

[wanted_a_simple_life]

I could AB and Im considering giving up a lot to do it.

This journey is so hard and I would never wish it on anyone, not even my ex.

Only if you have gone through it, you understand what its like and the daily rollercoaster you ride of emotion.

[Apollo_Black]

I dunno man - it's just that you seem to be grieving a lot (appropriately of course) about not having the time with your kids - and a massive barrier appears to be distance. I'd be seriously thinking about a move closer. Naturally you'd have to be guaranteed that you would have extra time with your kids, however just being closer may provide you with less mental trauma and overall be better for you long term. It sounds like you'd take a hit financially perhaps - but it may be worth the sacrifice for something so important to you

[wanted_a_simple_life]

It's a hard decision, been living here for 35+ years and have had a great job for 15+ years.

But I do love my children and they love me. It was so selfish for her to move away and she has admitted that to friends.

She doesnt care about anyone but herself.

[Apollo_Black]

That's such a shame she's like that. Perhaps she can be persuaded to move back closer to you then? By the sounds of it not likely though...even though she has admitted it..

[CMF]

Hey WSL,

i feel for you. How far away exactly are you from your children as in travel time. I agree with AB if you do decide to move closer you need a guarantee of more time with your children. Besides spite is there a reason she moved where she did? Does she have family or a job there or anything? My ex has the kids every second weekend and a bit on school holidays, he's ok with that but he lives 10 minutes away and can see them anytime. It works for us as we are both flexible with the arrangement.

cmf

[Elne]

As the kid of a father who didn't give a flying crap about me, I would strongly urge you to do whatever it takes to be with your kids! Move closer to them, for your sake but also for theirs. How wonderful that they have a parent who loves them as much as you do, but it doesn't do them any good only getting you for such limited amounts of time. Who cares if your ex was being petty in moving away, you need to think about your relationship with your kids. They are what matter at the end of the day, not money or petty fights with the ex.

[wanted_a_simple_life]

Hi Elne, Im so sorry that you have had that experience.

I do love my kids so much and even though they live 1 hour away, would drive everyday to see them if I was allowed. But I find thier mum is petty and changes the boundaries constantly to suit her and make out that its me, but all i want is quality time with my kids.

She moved away with them for her own selfish desires and didnt really think about my relationship with the kids.

She has had affairs etc and moved away to cover them up.

I hope the kids understand one day the lengths and opposition I have gone through to be there for them.