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Lonely Hearts Club. Do we miss the person or the relationship?

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

So I've been wandering around the forums and reading people's threads hoping I can be of some use to someone. I've noticed I've been gravitating to threads regarding relationships and breakups and they sound quite similar and the same as my own experience. Our hearts are broken by people who:

no longer want to be with us;

cheat on us;

stay with us but don't treat us right;

That's just to mention a few. There are many reasons why relationships don't work and its always hard on the person trying to keep it together. So if someone cheats on us, treats us badly, lies to us, isn't around when we really need them, why are we so heartbroken when they leave us or why can't we leave them when we are clearly unhappy with the situation? Why do our hearts hurt so much even though it's been broken? Why do we want to stay with the person who broke it? Do we miss the person or miss the relationship or the idea of the person?

I can't stand my ex most of the time, he has good traits but at times is rude, irritating, careless, selfish, treated me very badly but still I find myself feeling sad sometimes when I think of the good times but I remind myself that i'm not sure if that was the real him. I question this because he treats him mum the same way and yet she does everything for him. Yes she is annoying and overbearing but how do you treat your own mother like that when she does as much as she does for you? I used to love his laugh, the late night calls, that he made me feel like a teenager again. Now I find his laugh annoying, he's laughing at my expense, I find him irresponsible and childish. Yet I feel sad.

I don't miss HIM. I miss the company, the fun, having someone to do things with. I feel lonely.

None of this is a new revelation. You can google the topic and read up on it. In time we may start to enjoy being on our own again, being our own person, not being put down or treated badly. We realise we have the chance to meet someone else, someone who really wants us and treats us great, our soul mate.

So why do we feel lonely and miss a person who mistreated us, or cheated on us? Why do we fight hard to be with someone who doesn't want us? Why is it so hard to move on?


87 Replies 87

Community Member

Ohhh great stuff. I feel more secure as me than I do in a relationship.... likely due to my experiences over the years.

In recent current relationships I've one rule and it's informed consent.


Community Member

Well holly crap batman,

what a trigger this is.

I need time, and then I will try to speak.

Hey CM,

I have a question for you,

Do you want to know why I did it? Not cranky just queuing?

I am very confused and am trying to answer honestly and correctly,just trying to find my words.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Dory,

I'm sorry. Are you ok.

Community Member


please im not upset at all,you know you have entered my ❤️

as you know I'm on the other side but am hurting as well.

You have done nothing wrong,I just want to tell the other side,

Its all good

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Dory,

If you want to share your story of course i am here to listen and support you. I sense that you want to share it, ease the burden of carrying it on your own. Do you want to talk on your thread?

Your friend

cmf x

Community Member

I'm gunna think on it ,cause as much as I totally f it up maybe it could help you that are hurting on the other side.

All is ok CM

I just need to get my words right on this one.

bit funny but our souls have connected now.

Good to meet you Marcus c - yes I totally get where you are coming from. I am "cherry picking" the good stuff too.

I will talk more with you again I hope - just now my feelings (and words) are coming out all muddled.

sending you very best wishes......

Community Member

I just want to make sure that you all know that there is no excuse for what I have done and I have to live with it for the rest of my life. I am not after your sympathy I would just like to share my story.

year 8 My dad had his first breakdown and a male teacher took me under his wing,I looked at him as a father figure,so you know what happened next.

When I was 16 I went to work on my uncle and aunts property as a jillaroo,feel pregnant to a married 38yr old. Parents said get rid of it,I said it was meant to be.

dated an old friend,17 had baby,18 big wedding,bashed abused,19 left.

21 meet my now husband,Italian,had two girls,set up his bussiness,set up 3 of mine,did all kids stuff,canteen reading sports,big bday parties,renovated three houses.bla bla bla

Whith my sexuality I have never ever(big problem) felt good enough for anyone.

With my hubby I thought that I was the queen there was no one that would be able to better me. Than talk came in,what about 3,what about this and that. I found out that before me it was all sex workers,than my best friend, I could tell he was attracted to her ,he said no,oh o sometimes I just think about her face!!!! Bs

I ended up having an affair for 5 yrs it just went on and on , I lov d and looked after his kids too,they also have gone.

so there my life is pretty much,

and so is the rest of my family,just because I'm f in the head.

and I just wanted to be fully loved,not just for my moot.


Ps I didn't mean to offend anyone and I hope you can understand what I am saying.

And to everyone in the world that makes out their perfect🖕🏻