living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Jstar49]

Absolutely rx!

We've gotta find those silver linings so we can truly be content with here and now- another zen thing!

Be in the moment! Just this moment! Not wishing for it to be different, not hoping it will change.
I can hear the voice of my instructor as I say in a cold room, struggling to just sit. Sounds so easy but....

that - or better to say This- is where the beauty of life is. Right now in the bittersweet ache of loving ppl who aren’t here, and enjoying not feeling pressured by anyone else expectations.
isnt it strange how we can be enjoying a peaceful time, on our own, and then when other ppl turn up it suddenly seems.... sad, pathetic or something.
H and I had a breakthru date night, followed by a breakthru conversation, which helps me feel a whole lot .... gentler, accepting and loving. Loved.
there is hope!

Cheers

J*

[Jstar49]

Ps yes he’s a fixer! If he can’t fix it he seems to get bored, or feel useless or something.

that’s sad that your gf felt like you didn’t love her, becos of the way you were processing info. We are a weird lot aren’t we! I’m glad you were able to work it out.
J*

[Guest_1584]

Thanks J , and yeah people would be surprised but some things even as simple as explaining that can be quite tricky getting the translation right believe me. And then you think it's right but 2mths later you find out the whole time she's put it all together differently , which is what happened there. So we try again haha.

You had a date night , really , how bloody cool. lf ex w and l just got back to some of that we could've saved us. Although ,there was other things that couldn't fix l must admit and to this day l really just don't know over all though. Conversation and touch is everything , keep it up hey.

Haa zen , yeah it's always funny to me when people start talking zen stuff because l have my own zen , me , haha. But l do realize though people lose track of themselves and and the important things , so easy to get buried in bs these days isn't it. l've always been very good at time on my own, grabbing moments and of seeing the bs in life though myself. Not that you can always control that though bc so much of it comes from outside now and the system , way of life , the needs to do to survive .

rx

[CMF]

I know what you mean. My daughter's friend comes over and I'm sitting doing the same thing too lol. M at his place, me alone at mine.

Gees we're similar haha.

I like my alone time, peace n quiet but yeah, would like that time with him, as you know 😊

[Jstar49]

I had friends who were lovers ie in a relationship. I’d go visit them and find them both sitting there reading their books.
at the time I didn’t understand it, being 20-something and all about the romance. Now I think that’s kinda cool 😎

conversation and touch- you’re so right rx. That kinda sums up what I think holds ppl together.
we have had to work thru some heavy stuff to be able to do that tho. Still a WIP, as the date nite had a couple ‘bumps’. Still, all turned out ok. It’s good to get thru a disagreement and feel better about yourself and each other.

language difficulties sound hard. I can imagine being LD that’s where you miss the touch too.
J*

[Guest_1584]

Haaa yeah , l know . lt's sort of funny really but l'd be exactly the same as you with all m's sister and friendy stuff too but l'm afraid a little less patient , really admire ya in your patience with all that.

But yeah , it's weird isn't it. l suppose it's sort of a compliment when our kids expect us to be all up and doin stuff , sometimes l think they expect me to be out partying . So eh, at least they don't oh they're old all they need is sitting round haha. love mine too. There are so many big things like that with gf and l which l really treasure bc we both live and want to live exactly the same and that's a very big thing isn't it.

Hi J.

The language thing can be for sure but it other ways can also be fun and fascinating to us both too. We do really have to be careful with important things though.

That's unreal about the date , you guys should make it a wkly , you'll start loving it.

rx

[Guest_1584]

l'm not really proud of this but it's not like l even know if l even have a relationship anymore and haven't all yr now.

Well the one time l was on a date site , they still email me stuff from way back when. l couldn't work it out actually bc l thought l deleted it. So last night l click an emails it said and low and behold it went straight to my old membership.Turns out that wasn't deleted just on some taking a break mode thing.

Soooo, looked through the site at what is around. The girl l spoke about from yrs back wasn;t there and apart from her , l did not see one , not one , that l could genuinely be interested in , not one. Mind you l've always been extremely specific and particular if l was to be interested in someone she'd be one in millions but you'd think l would've seen at least one or two that l could be into if we are kaput. But nope , not one , out of 800 women. Pretty sad state of affairs wasn't it.

Meanwhile gf hasn't been around much last few days , couple of lines , but very very distant which only has me back to thinking we are kaput once again. She's all over the place and not in a very good way at all poor thing, doesn't know what to do about anything.Not holding much hope tbh right now .

rx

[CMF]

You didn't do anything wrong. We all get curious about things.

Nothing of interest? Maybe it's a sign that it's not time to fully move on? I know t that doesn't make it any easier for you.

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Thanks for that cm.

Yeah l guess so not that l'd be moving on anywhere right now but yeah , it wasn't exactly encouraging but oh well. The thought made me feel sick actually. l really sort of forced myself to browse through all that though out of curiosity and what ifs l suppose . Not a good idea.Think l'll just turn monk if things don't work out with us.

Anyway , been thinking about the whole situation with gf a lot lately of course , hard not too. But would l be wrong in thinking regardless of whatever she's going through she shouldn't be the way she is being with us , and me ?

l don't know if l'd be right about that but it would seem to me she should be falling back onto me and us during this time for her. But she's all over the place and being like this. l don't know how much sense that makes from a woman that says she loves me the way she does. Surely at a time like this she'd want to hold onto us more than anything.

Just don't know , it all feels very be wary'ish . But at the same time l can get that with everything so messed up a relationship could well work the other way and just be too much on top of it all , l just don't know if it adds up.

rx

[Guest_1584]

l feel as though any holding us together right now is coming from me, and that wouldn't be right. But she turns around like with that dream and seems like she is still in there deep down after all , but then she's off and distant again , and not much us at all. Half the time she sounds like she's talking to just a friend , or an ex . Said to her a few times actually , you sound like my friend , you make it sound like l'm just anyone now or an ex.

Then she;ll start the bs of l just don't know . Well lf that was me l'd be thinking of getting through all of her crap up there and coming back down to be together . l dunno , just don't know how much of it adds up. Not that l'm sitting round for it , but emotionally that's for sure it's feels stupid it all being this way and me being in some half in half out thing.

l worry about what that says about her as a real partner too .

Just thoughts.

rx

rx