living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks for that cm and yeah , exactly.

[Jstar49]

Hey rx,

yeah you sound good about the uncertainty of it all. Atm at least. It’s so hard when we don’t know whether we’re investing in a relationship, or covering our behind as we withdraw.
I guess my focus ( and maybe yours) is to just keep being a good human, and try to practice what I preach, with everyone, as much as possible. My marriage gets more time and effort of course.
yeah. Divorce would be really bad for both of us, financially. Emotionally. Everything. But I am super aware of how he’s getting ready to retire in the next ten or so years, and it would be really nice for both of us to be comfortable.
I have talked to him, in many different ways. Most often he gets defensive and simply can’t hear what I’m saying. I’m working on phrasing things more positively, focus first on what’s working.

it’s almost as if he accepts the sucky side of our relationship more easily than I do. But I want meaningful and connected.
today has been good, so I’m not complaining. We talked in the warm sunshine, and it was ok.

Cheers,

J*

[Guest_1584]

haaa exactly j in that first paragraph there.

Sorry about the situation with hubby , if the loves still there though working it out is a far far better alternative though , hope something comes together.

[Guest_1584]

Well we talked over the wkend . She's in such a bad place poor thing l've been that worried she just can't take much more. She even said she'd just come home here and to hell with it all but she's trapped for a few mths yet and just has to go on coping somehow up there.

her sons having a baby any day too on top of everything else but that's sort of above anything else to her even all her problems and she just wants to be there to help so badly even if only for a wk or two , it just means so much to her. l wish he could see what she's going through just to be there for him and how much it means to her.

Nother story but as far as us yeah , there's glimpses and hidden things we're still in there she just can't think that far ahead and has no room mentally. l feel so much to blame that she;s going through all thi now bc last time she left here was a 4hr trip to the airport tears all the way . So many regrets though that 1 , l handled it all wrong. l tried to stay strong and light bc she was so upset , but really she needed to feel love and emotion from me too, just how she is.. l cried after she got on the plane but she needed to see it, thought l was helping but realize now that;s what she really needed .

And 2 , l should've stopped it , asked her to stay and to hell with the legals, we'll sort them out here. She really needed to feel that too , to feel it and see it from me. But again l thought l was being more help trying to be strong. She wanted to go on one hand because of an opportunity she hoped would help her legals, but deep down too she didn't but she needed to hear it from me. She thought l'd be needed my space again and l wasn't too bothered her leaving again. But it was the opposite.

l realized it all later but it was too late and set off everything she's going through now damn it. Can't be undone though and we've talked about it plenty of times, thing is though her trapping there is all from that , , bloody hell.

When we talk we're still just us , but she's so everywhere and in such a bad way. Soooo, no idea still, it feels very bizarre that we might be or might now. Atm l'm more concerned just for her though and surviving the bs she's going through there .

As for me well , regrets regrets , don't really know how to help her end either as we have very little communication atm but when we do talk it's just us again , all still in there.

l can just go on with things here , it's all l can do really, half in half out, limbo land, bloody hell.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Well we talked again this morning.

l forgot to mention that on top of everything , she's also in the middle of menopause , enough to drive a women a bit ga ga with a luxury life but during hers right now . l'd be so nice for her to just have a little bit of luck, just a bit.

Wonder what makes some people so un lucky yet other such good hearted people who really deserve some luck get nothing but rediculous bad luck one after the other.

Sometimes that can be that your just going in the wrong direction in life and so it just won't work for you. Or sometimes it can be from trying too hard when you try to hard often that messes with the natural scheme of things not need to just flow not be forced. lt's a bit of both for her because she's in such anxiety.

Well , at least it's a beautiful sunny day here , just trying to work .

rx

[Guest_1584]

l suppose it sounds like a funny break but gf called back this arvo and we had a better chat, so nice .Well we aren't messaging like we usually do all day long so there's a kind of break there buttt , if one of us just has something important or just missing we'll call or some big long message will come through. The break you have when your not having a break .

lt's hard to believe sometimes she's going through her stuff or that we've spent so much time apart this time bc often when we do talk it's like nothings even happening , we're just us. And thankfully she forgets her worries for a little while .

lt gives us both hope for the future bc even with everything going on we are still just us , it's all still in there , which says a helluva lot with everything going on. Well , when she and me too actually can relax enough atm to just let us be us .

l haven't pushed anything about us or her getting back down next or for any answers l know right now she just hasn't got and that seems to be relaxing her a lot more than she has been last few mths , and taken pressure off . l've been so worried earlier about the time and heart in all this that l'm afraid l may've pushed her away a bit just trying to get something worked out.

Anyway , August keeps popping up all the time lately so l'm feeling much more relaxed and patient about things on one hand bc it's pretty well sounding like a given lately and l can hear the relief and excitement in her , sooo nice after all the confusion.

Wouldn't say l'm getting hopes up too much , still very guarded and l know she is too , butttttt, we see.

rx

[Jstar49]

That’s so nice rx!

it still sounds confusing, and I can hear your regrets loud and clear, but hey. You are who you are. You behaved as you thought best, at the time. It’s not all on you.
Sometimes I have to ask my H for what I want.

like - I really want you to listen and not try and fix this- that sort of thing. That’s relationships really isn’t it. And trust. We trust that we can ask for what we need.

happy to hear that there’s been some good chats. it sounds like you are very important to her.
cheers

J*

[Guest_1584]

Hi j , and thanks for that.

One thing about gf , she has no problem asking or talking or telling me about what she wants.l love that about her it's not in a non stop nagging way like my ex , it'll just come out .

Yeah it is l suppose , and us guys do wanna fix things , is he a fixer too is he ? . Hence that rant about my guilt of that last airport trip . The things is we can talk about anything and l did explain that but with the language differences sometimes things are taken wrong and was the case there. So for a few mths after getting back she'd thought l didn't really love her anymore bc l wasn't very emotional that day. Well she couldn't understand in English what l tried to explain, that happens a bit butttt, we got it sorted eventually. Sometimes it can be pretty important you persist in an understanding bc she;ll think she;s got it but she actually has the opposite meaning or she translates things back to Portuguese in her her but the same words can mean very very different things in Portuguese.

Yeah it would sound confusing , it is confusing haha.

Do you thing you and hub can still sort through things these days and come out the other side, still grow and love ?

rx

[Guest_1584]

Actually the differences and translations , even actions ,or the way you show love, things you do , or don't do , even certain kisses, can all be very very different too , even giving flowers. lt can be pretty funny .

[Guest_1584]

lt's been kinda luxury at home last few wks.

With gf away and my daughter just took off traveling , place to myself ro just do whatever , mess , all of it haha.

But one thing l really don't miss is my daughter and her friends are real socializes and never stop, well l should say she's back to that way just lately since she's gotten better God love her. But so l often felt a bit embarrassed when they'd turn up and l'd be just doin the same ol same old. night after night , no company or friends around , gf not here.So atm l don't anymore.

And gf well , as beautiful as she is to live with these days , a partner is still a partner though so with my daughter away too , l can do and live exactly anyway l please. lt's quite nice.

Bit lonely though and a pretty nothing life for sure l must admit and of course at the end of the day l would much rather gf was here than not. And l miss my daughter a lot too.

But eh , some silver lining.