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In a serious relationship and have kids with someone who has BPD and refuses to treat it

Community Member

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post so please bear with me!

I'm 23 years old, I have 3 sons aged: 4 an a half, 2 an a half and a 1 year old. My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years, he is 26 years old. the reason why I'm posting and reaching out for help here is because I've noticed a few changes in him recently. He seems so highly strung, always moody, lying more often about things he doesn't need to lie about, pointless things. He has always been like this but it doesn't normally last this long, he never seems happy. All he wants to do right now is purchase a car and that is ALL he is thinking about, he is obsessed with it, even though we already have a car that runs so getting a new car isn't really a priority right now but he WANTS this certain car. He has been smoking A LOT of marijuana lately, he has always been addicted to it because it "helps him" and I've noticed the marijuana does help A LOT with his mood, when he has it he is like a whole different person. But he can no longer go without it, not even a day. If he doesn't have his weed he LOSES it, he says he cant cope without it. He wont sleep, eat, do ANYTHING if he doesnt have weed. He yells, he's snappy, I cant even talk too him when he isn't high. It's like walking on egg shells.

I've begged him to go back on his medication(he hasn't been on it since he was a teenager, according to him, I wouldn't know) he REFUSES. I've tried to explain to him that it will help him and it might even help him get off the marijuana or at least cut down but he wont even try.

i'd also like to add that I would love for him to get off the weed, I hate it. But it does help with his moods so much that I just let him go. I've suggested rehab but he said no about that also.

i don't know what to do anymore, his mood swings scare me. I don't want to leave him because me and the kids are all his got but I don't know what else to do at this point.

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello luckyy

Welcome to the forums and good on you for 'reaching out' You are strong by doing so!

Can I ask if/when your partner was diagnosed with BP? Regarding the weed luckyy....Its a lot stronger than what was around many years ago as its now grown hydroponically...which gives it more of a 'kick'...thus increasing the addictive properties

From what you have posted above your partners mood swings are usually a sign of a 'tired/stressed' mind....and he may be experiencing difficulty coping..The grass doesnt help him (as you mentioned) as its only a temporary 'fix' not to mention the weed can exacerbate any underlying mental illness he may or may not have

Can I ask when the last time your partner visited his GP for some reassurance/help?

You have 3 wonderful sons and your own well being as a priority...Your situation does come first luckyy! The mood swings are a concern

I understand that you are not a 'kid'...you are a terrific young mum that is caring for her family. Our friends at 'Kids Helpline' have an excellent 24/7 phone counselling service that includes young people up to 25. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by saying hello and having a chat...There is no judgement...only kind people that can help you luckyy 🙂

Kids Helpline 24/7 Counselling 1800 55 1800


Another effective option is to take a screenshot of this discussion.. make a double appointment with your GP and let her/him read it...and then have a chat about these issues

I used to have acute anxiety followed by depression for a few years and understand what you are going through with your partner

There are many gentle/experienced people on the forums that can be here for you too luckyy. I do hope you can post back and let us know your thoughts.....or questions....Only if you want to of course!

you are an amazing mum 🙂