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Am I feeling estranged or Immature?

Community Member

My relationship with my Father has been on thin ice for years. Add in the 'evil Step-mother', her words not mine. Being the second child of 4, 2 to my mother and 2 to step-mother, with 13 years between myself and my little sister.
My childhood, I did not have a true father figure as father left my mother when I was 18 months old, with 2 states between us. Seeing my father with my younger siblings feels like someone is twisting the dagger in my sternum. I have told Father dearest this. He told me he understands.
Then the topic of Christmas came up, at first i told a wittle white lie saying I wouldn't be around. As last year I went to Christmas with the family to Stepmother's family. I felt alienated not apart of the family at all. As I saw my younger siblings being spoiled by the family with gifts.
So this year I was convinced to go as father's family are visiting, I start by talking presents which chocolate they prefer.
When Step-mother imminently says "Adults don't get Presents."
Father then parrots her. As I am now the age of 23, with a house of my own, cat and job to pay bills.

I understand that "adults don't get present" between Father's siblings and Parents. However, the thought of no presents from Father or grandmother and Pop. Once again makes me feel alienated and not worth their time. When I KNOW my younger siblings will be spoiled sick, like every other Christmas.

Is this my abandonment issues or am I being immature?



1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear NifftyNoff~

Welcome here, we are caring people, that has come from hardship of one sort or other, and you are having a great deal of hardship too. To answer you question -no you are not being immature i the slightest.

Frankly your father and step-mother sound the immature ones. With your step mother not taking care of you as a special guest last your and now giving a put-down over presents - which are after all a sign of affection. Also your father siding with her

You are trying to build bridges, a caring and mature role.

Simply saying "he understands" is not that much comfort. He left when you were very young, and whatever the circumstances you deserve unstinting parental love , as do all children.

So yes, not seeing your grandmother and pop will be an upsetting burden. Perhaps you can visit them another time. I suspect you might get on well with them.

I did notice you did not mention your mother, or older sister, may I ask how your relations are with them?

Maybe a different Christmas not involving your Father's side of the family would help, you would not constantly be reminded of being outside their circle. (We have a cat called Sumo that eats festive food with the same enthusiasm as everyday stuff.)

What do you think?