I don't know what to do next

[Gracie24]

My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago out of the blue when I thought we were in a really strong position. I definitely took it harder than he did so when he asked to have occasional hookups I agreed. Anyways stupid decision I know but during this, he began sending me mixed messages giving me hope that maybe things would go back to how they were. A couple of weeks ago he began being very cold and harsh and when I asked for an explanation he said some hurtful things such as that he felt disgusted and ashamed to be hooking up with me. Our breakup was a bit messy and I did some things that I regret but since then he has been entertaining other girls as well as hooking up with me and so I called him on it and he pretty much gaslit me into believing that this breakup was all my fault and that I was the issue here. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and some other serious mental health issues which has caused my friendship group to exclude and bully me and I guess I wasn't ready to also let him go but since dating him my issues have gotten much worse especially considering he always used to tell me I play the victim and don't help myself when I am really trying. It has gotten to the point where pretty much he has nothing nice to say to me anymore and all he does is purposefully hurt me. I guess I am just a bit lost and have no one to talk to or anyone to give me advice. I am also a bit hurt that he seems completely unfazed and happy whilst I am left with serious trust issues and unable to feel like I can connect with anyone. I don't know what to do anymore and don't know how to stop thinking about what it used to be like and how I can move on. 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Gracie24
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
We are sorry to hear what you are going through, however it is positive to hear that you recognise that you do not deserve to have been treated in this way.  You refer to being emotionally abused and to have experienced gas-lighting from your boyfriend which is domestic abuse, and good on you for calling this out on him.  These behaviours by your boyfriend are designed to make you feel guilty and obligated to him which is what keeps you in that cycle and allows him not to have to take responsibility for his abusive behavior.  Your experience and the feelings you have as a result
 
Gracie24, we are so glad you have come forward to tell your story, it takes courage and is a sign of taking back your power, so please give yourself credit for that and remember you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, always.  We thought it might be helpful for you to reach out to 1800 RESPECT; they are a 24/7 counselling support service for anyone having experienced or is currently experiencing domestic abuse:
 
1800 RESPECT Click Here or call 1800 737 732 and also
1800 RESPECT Chat online Click Here
 
Of course, if ever you feel like you need to talk this through, we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure you will hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M