I am lonely, depressed and i don't know if i can do this anymore

[Guest_89870894]

Hello

I have never done something like this, but im willing to try anything to get me out of this hole.  Recently, I've lost my two best friends.  For their own reasons, they wanted to grow.  One told me in person and one over text.  The thing is, I don't blame them at all.  I don't know why anyone would want to be my friend.  I hate even saying that sentence because it's so cringe to say, I feel like i am just asking for pity.  I feel like a shell of a person and i don't deserve the house over my head, food, friends, money or even breathing the air i breathe.  I know i have people that care about me, it's limited, but i know they care.  Although,  everyday the reasons for staying here become more unclear.  I constantly think about the people in this world who have REAL problems, the ones who are living on the street, grieving, disease etc meanwhile my life is very privileged.  I've never even been to a funeral.  Why am I like this? I've struggled my whole life with depression and anxiety and substance abuse in the more recent years but again, it is not as severe as a lot of people have it, or is it?  I can't stop cringing at the thought, do I have the right to be sad or don't i? I don't know what to do.  All I do is stay in bed, go to work, repeat.  I can't remember the last time I went to a party.  Or the last time one of my friends asked me to hang out.  

What is the point?

[Sophie_M]

Hey Emily1234,
 
Thank you for posting here and for being so open and honest about what you are going through. It is a really brave step to take to reach out and we are really glad you have found us here.
 
Your struggles are valid, even if there may be other people in the world that you feel have “real” problems. It can make it hard to feel worthy of support – we are here to let you know that you truly are worthy of support and compassion. It sounds like you have been carrying a lot of this on your own which can be really tough.

Please know that you're not alone in this, you can call the Beyond Blue Support Service at any time, on 1300 22 4636.

Thanks again for sharing here. We encourage you to treat yourself gently. Our community is here for you.  
 
Kind regards,  
Sophie M 

[Rosie]

Hi

I am really glad you reached out to the BB community.  You sound so lost and my heart goes out to you, but depression has a way of doing that to you.  Some people, like your two friends, have probably never suffered from this dark, debilitating mental health problem.  More and more people turn away and adopt the "out of sight, out of mind" attitude which is why so many of us isolate from the world as we feel like a burden to everyone.

Have you seen a GP about your depression and anxiety?  If not, do go and see one.  I'm in my 60's and have recently started taking SSRI medication which is starting to kick in.  Like many people I have my bad days and my ok days but the SSRIs are finally helping to make me think more rationally.  If you give medication a go, remember it can take a few months to kick in, or it might only take week.  Don't take as long as I did to try SSRIs.

You sound like a wonderful person who has the ability to empathise with everything that is unfolding in the world which is pretty bleak at times. You just have to explore this forum to see how empathetic people are.  Truely lovely, caring people.

Remember you can always ring Beyondblue or Life 24/4.  It took me a long time to pluck up the courage to ring, they were so kind that I just burst into tears.  You don't have to be suicidal to ring so don't feel like you're wasting their time. Chronically lonely people like me ring just to be able to hear another human voice.

Hang in there and don't be discouraged if you don't get many responses as I only got one to my first post.  It's easy to think that noone cares about you.  That's way ringing BB or Lifeline is more immediate.

Take care.

Rosie xx

PS. If you are wondering what my display photo is, it's a blob fish.  That's what I see when I look into the mirror.  😊