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I am depressed because daughter is emotionally abused

Maa
Community Member
My husband has been inflicting emotional abuse in my teenage daughter for years. I have two boys but he never targets them when he’s angry. I always thought he’s a short tempered person because every time after the abuse he would be sorry for his actions and for few weeks or months things would be normal. Now my daughter is showing signs of depression and hates her father. She’s seeing a psychologist who told her that she’s been emotionally abused. I can now join the dots and can see clearly that he’s an abusive person not someone who gets angry quickly as he’s amazing and very sweet natured with others. I don’t want to leave my husband because he loves me and the kids. He is aware of his behavior but still blames my daughter for bring over sensitive. I think I am depressed because of this situation. Though my husband has agreed to go for therapy and he’s trying to change himself for better but I feel sad all the time. I feel that the love inside me has died. I am crying whenever I am alone, have lost interest in everything. I just see my beautiful family crumbling right in front of my eyes. I has never hit me or my daughter but has been intimidating several times. Do domestic violence perpetrators get better with treatment or do I have to live with it. I don’t know what to do, all I know is I don’t want my daughter to suffer or my family to break. Can someone in similar situation give some advice
2 Replies 2

Jamie C.
Community Member

Maa,

As someone who has first hand dealt with domestic abuse from my father, i can imagine how heartbroken you may be feeling. Have you considered councilling as a family or do you see therapists separately? I'd say the best way to deal with these tricky situations is to talk about it and let your family know how you feel. I understand that because you are a Mother, you may want to appear strong and brave in front of your daughter, but showing her your more emotional side may actually be a method in helping her cope. I can't speak for you, as i have never met your husband, but in my case my father has a way of emotionally manipulating everyone to forgive him or to believe that he is a kind person. If you believe your husband may be manipulating you, take a step back to carefully digest the situation and how he is acting/what he is saying.

On another note, this may be something you don't want to hear, but if anything ever becomes physical, i'd say the safest thing for you and your daughter would be to stay somewhere else until your husband becomes less aggressive. Prioritise you and your daughters safety if this were ever to happen.

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
I think that abusers can change..if they really want to and with the right treatment, but I think this is best achieved in an environment where he is held accountable for his actions. Every time that he becomes abusive, the people around him need to call him out on it. Him saying that your daughter is sensitive is still him not taking responsibility for his actions. Once he gets truly honest about that, he can change. But that sometimes isn’t always easiest for people, especially abusers.