Hurt by my boyfriends past with no right to be

[Niki1603]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and he is the best thing to have happened to me. He is so loving and supportive of my mental health. We met on an online dating app, and messaged for a few months before we went on our first date. After a few weeks of dating once we met, he told me he had a one night stand with a friend of his whilst we were texting. I never cared at first because we were not together. One day I was thinking about it a few months into us being together and immediately panicked. I had done a full 180 and convinced myself he had cheated on me by sleeping with someone whilst we were texting. My adult brain knows this isn’t true, but I can’t help but hold onto this thought and it impacts my everyday life. My therapist as well as everyone else I’ve spoken to about it has told me he did nothing wrong, but I can’t accept that answer and I don’t know why. When I’m distracted I’m fine, when I’m alone I go over it again and again and can’t believe the facts that he did nothing wrong. I worry so much about it to the point where I’m worried if I can’t get over it and be happy I’ll have no choice but to walk away. But I do not want to do that because I know he did nothing wrong. I just can’t accept this. Has anyone else been in the same situation and if so please let me know how you dealt with it and overcame it. I find I’m going in a vicious cycle and I just want ti be happy for the both of us. 

[quirkywords]

Niki

thanks for sharing your story.

it is hard when a partner is honest and we can convince ourselves that we are ok. Then we may think over and over. I think you have to work out what you want and if you can live his honesty, after all he could have kept this from you. 
After a few months with a partner years I dis covered he was still meeting women on a dating site. He ended it but I had proof and he said he didn’t sleep with them but if he lied about meeting the women he would lie about sleeping. I was so naive that I just gave him the benefit of the doubt . It was a chaotic relationship. I think honesty is a good thing I found lying hard to get over. 

[DangerousDave78]

Hi Niki.

It's a hard one because the choice resides within yourself to get past it. He has done the right thing to be honest with you about it and not hide it which I believe is quite courageous on his part and he is showing you that you are important to him and that you deserve to know even if you were not an item at that stage. It's pretty respectful on his part. He's taken the risk to tell you rather than stay silent.

If the relationship is going great for you, there is trust (this scenario withstanding), communication and genuine love, joy, great times, then do you really want to let this upend it? Really comes down to whether you want to let it consume your thoughts or move on.

If you haven't already then I would talk to him that it is bothering you and how you feel. Think about how he can help you but it may come down to you making that conscious choice to not let it bother you anymore because quite right it's an open wound that will fester. I hope it gets better for you because we all deserve happiness in relationships and there is no such thing as perfect, always going to be a challenge to overcome.