Should I stay or go? (Emotional abuse (

[1980]

Three years ago I found out my partner had taken naked pictures of me without my knowledge or consent. Through psychology I realised that there was a long history of emotional abuse. We separated for 9 months and he did a lot of work with a psychologist and we got back together. While things aren't as bad as they were I feel like he never really addressed the core of the problem. He knows what to say and do but never really addressed how bad this was for me. Also, a condition of us getting back together was that our relationship would be porn free, because this was a slippery slope to normalising the non consensual photos.  He says he is attracted to my body which is petite and looks most like a younger woman than one my own age. I'm not sure if I'm being unrealistic with the porn issue as I know a lot of men watch it, but  breaking this promise was a big deal for me. Last week I told him it's over and now he's saying he'll do whatever it takes, he'll go to a domestic abuse counselor or group etc. When it's good it's really good, it's not all bad but I'm not sure I should hold on for him to do the work, although we have a long history with a lot of good things in our relationship and we also have kids. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening 

[Sophie_M]

Hey 1980,

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds really difficult, and we're really glad you could open up here. Please know that you're in a really safe space for doing so here, with a lovely community of kind and understanding people.

It's never ok for a partner to act without your consent, we're so sorry that happened. We'd really encourage you to speak to 1800Respect about this, on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here: https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome
The Beyond Blue counsellors are available to you 24/7 as well on 1300 22 4636 or online, here. 

We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon. In the meantime, here’s a few things you might like to look at:

• Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse
• 1800 RESPECT’s advice on healthy relationships
• Relationships Australia’s advice on communication in relationships

We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here.

Please feel free to share a bit more and let us know what is going on for you, and what might help, if you feel comfortable.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[1980]

Thank you. He asking to give things another go and I feel really confused. On the one hand things aren't as bad as they were but on the other I've already given it the years. Any advice or feedback would be much appreciated. Thank you