Alcohol has ruined my marriage

[Jay__Bee]

I am sure there are probably similar stories which I’ll be sure to search.

Its been rough my marriage is literally on the rocks ok a little light humour.

My wife had told me multiple times to cut down my drinking.  I don’t drink every night but I’m a big binge drinker.  It could now all be too little too late, I’ve got some help with understanding why and what has lead to all of this.  I don’t crave alcohol at all and for the past 2 weeks haven’t had a drop. I know it does terrible things mentally when you are dealing with things so the thought of it actually makes me feel sick.

My wife is sick of it and doesn’t believe I’ll change. I actually don’t blame her but all I can do is keep working on myself for myself foremost however she is not really saying how she feels.  If we try to talk about it she gets upset.  Control of her feelings is out of my hands, I just feel so empty with out her. Feel that I’ve missed out on great fun times all due to drinking. It could be all too little too late and mentally it is hard while I’m in the spare room just waiting for her to give me the tick or give me the flick.  I know I shouldn’t beat myself up, I feel sick to the stomach, it’s the wait and not knowing. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I fear she’s checked out.

[Croix]

Dear Jay_Bee~

Welcome here ot the Forum, a good idea to come here as you can look around and see how others have coped wiht similar situations.

Firstly I'd like to congratulate you on 2 weeks wihtout a drink. It's a pretty big thing and I think we both have our fingers crossed you can keep it. All I can suggest there is get as much support as you can. This is a specialist area where expert assistance in necessary.

Your marriage must have been a very disheartening thing, certainly for our wife, and probably for you too. The fact she does not believe you can change is hardly surprising and I'm sure just words wil make no difference, so maybe do not talk about it..

Then again passively waiting for the "tick or flick" does not seem to be the best way to go either.  When you were first married you enjoyed each other's company and hopefully had fun together. Can I suggest than rather than just waiting for her judgment based upon your progress wiht alcohol reform you actively try to show her the person you were and try to get together to have enjoyable times.

Being reminded of what you both can have could be a very positive thing.

Overcoming alcohol addition is something best faced wiht as much support as possible, medical and support groups, a person to talk to when you feel the need to drink -and more. Saving a marriage with the  person you love and preventing their heart-break is probably the best motivator of all.

Do you know if your wife has support herself? If she is trying to cope wiht this on her own it would be extra hard.

You are welcome here anytime

Croix