Help please with first date

[Elsam]

I met a wonderful guy and fell in love with him at first sight when I saw him on an online dating site, I am totally smitten with this man.

Our first date was a dinner date at a beautiful restaurant and after dinner he invited me back to his place.

He got the red wine out and then we became intimate and I spent the night with him.

He sent me a video during the week and we had a couple of messages between us, then stupid me sent this message this afternoon.

Hope you are well
and had a nice weekend...
I can’t help but feel you were trying to tell me something through the Swiss video?
I feel so disappointed, as we had so much in common and could have a great time together.
I think you were great, I respect you and wanted to get to know you as a friend...
Mary xx

I have been having huge anxiety attacks over this, he replied this evening:

Sorry been really busy, and wrapping up things before I leave. No, there wasn't a "hidden" message in the video, I wouldn't do that. Things went very fast during our first rendez-vous and thats unlike me tho!
Hope you had a nice weekend and no Monday Blues today!

How do I reply to this message from him without scaring him off, but at the same time I want to tell him I am attracted to him and would love to see him again.

This whole dating game is new to me as I was married for 25 years

Thank you in advance

[Hanna3]

Hi Elsam,

I haven't posted here before but just wonder if you have friends and interests that could occupy you and try to put this guy to the back of your mind a little bit more. I know you're smitten, but I am thinking how hurt you may be if he is just putting you on the back-burner so to speak... I know you won't want to hear that and I could be completely wrong, but I would let him set the pace, keep quiet and try to stay occupied with other things and people until you are sure of his intentions.. You sound as if you are overthinking due to your anxiety and this can be a turn off for guys.. Just my thoughts anyway. I hope I'm not intruding here, and wishing you all the best.

[Elsam]

@Randomx

Thank you for the message. I can’t handle this half in half out thing, I need to know where I stand. This whole thing plays with my emotions too much and it doesn’t help that I fell in love at first sight...

He is in a very high profile job which I understand but I see him online constantly and he doesn’t send me a message but sends photos and kisses. That’s why I am confused!!!

I tried twice to arrange meeting up with him before he left but he was so busy with work commitments, don’t know if that was just an excuse!!

I think me may be more the placid type but he was not backward in coming forward on our first date!!

Maybe it is his way of slowing things down between us until he comes back as he did say:

Things went very fast for our first rendezvous!!!

[Elsam]

@quirkywords

Thank you for the message, really appreciate it.
I hate not knowing how the other person thinks or feels and it is so different now to when we were in our 20’s

I am trying to go with my gut feeling but getting more emotionally attached the longer this goes on.

I feel I need to ask him if we are going to see each other again at least that way I will know.

I think he shows some interest by sending photos and kisses but has a funny way of showing his feelings.

He was much more full on before we met, then after the first date he changed.

[Elsam]

@Hanna3

Thank you for the lovely message, really appreciate your advice.

i have tried distracting myself, I just can’t get him off my mind.
I am trying to keep my guard up at the same time as don’t want to get hurt, it is too painful.

I do sort of understand he may be putting me on the back burner a little as he is on the other side of the world.

[Elsam]

@Hanna3

Sorry my message sent before I finished.

Yes, I am definitely overthinking and over analyzing everything because of my anxiety which doesn’t help me.

I am definitely not letting him see this overthinking side of things, I have always played it very cool with him.

Maybe he does have good intentions and it is just me overthinking everything but I can see he has definitely changed since our date.

Hopefully I will somehow get to the bottom of this before it eats me up emotionally!!

Maybe I should just ask when he is coming back in a friendly to see what he says or how he reacts!!

I do somehow need to let him know I am so in love with him as I do not want to have regrets by not telling him.

[Guest_1584]

Hiya elsam.

nah don't worry nothing placid about you since though you've tried all you can with him.

No idea why the what he does send but as l was saying , in that forum this sort of thing was the most common complaint by the buckload.

Your right though , it is suchhhhh a different world now. But l mean sure l get busy busy to but eh lets face it , love gets to presidents and kings too but they find the time.

Hopefully maybe he does when he gets back.

rx

[Elsam]

@Randomx

I am hoping to god! I am wrong and just overthinking things!

It is not fair if he is playing with my emotions this way, by sending photos of himself and sending kisses.

I don’t think he would be the type to send these photos and kisses if he didn’t mean it.

I am trying to tell myself he is not like this to play games to make myself feel better

Back in the early days just a few days after our first date he sent me a nice video that I took the wrong way and responded:

I can’t help but feel you were trying to tell me something through the video?

He responded:

No, there wasn't a "hidden" message in the video, I wouldn't do that. Things went very fast during our first rendez-vous and that’s unlike me!

I am hoping he is genuine and just preoccupied with things where he is.

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, your thread has been busy and that's good.

There is a question I'd like to ask if possible and it's just a query, I actually wonder with this virus we've all been trying to cope with, whether or not he has been allowed to fly out of Australia as restrictions were very limited, so if he's still here.

A knowledgeable IT can do wonders with PC's and mobiles and don't want to break your morale, Mary, but all your messages would certainly be so encouraging for someone who had a lovely night together to want to see you again a.s.a.p., but wonder whether or not he's still using the online dating service and by saying that I'm sorry, but I think you need to ask him some serious questions, which will answer how you are feeling about him.

I hope I haven't upset you but you need him to be honest with you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Elsam]

Hi @Geoff

Thank you, I love your advice and support,

No, he is definitely overseas as has sent me photos from where he is!

He is still a citizen of the country where he is, so assuming that is why he has been able to travel.

I am trying so hard to be patient but I do want to ask him when he is coming back

That is not too much to ask is it??

I honestly feel like asking:

Are we not keeping in contact now? But scared I may scare him off....

I know he has had serious problems/stress with his work so maybe that is keeping him busy!

Me making excuses again 😂😂

[Hanna3]

Hi again Elsam,

I'd second what the others here are saying.. I am sorry and don't wish to hurt you and hope I am wrong - but I googled a bit on my phone and it says that it is common for guys on dating sites who are "players" to sweep someone off their feet and then say they are overseas on work...

That does't mean this is one of those cases, but how much do you know about this man and how long was he on the site for? I agree with Geoff... you really need to look carefully at how much you know and what is going on here, because your feelings are at stake.. and we are all hoping this is not the case but are concerned for your well-being.

It's a world where we unfortunately have to watch out for ourselves... I do hope I am completely wrong but is there a way you can protect yourself and check on this man? Really hope things work out. Best wishes.