Help please with first date

[Elsam]

I met a wonderful guy and fell in love with him at first sight when I saw him on an online dating site, I am totally smitten with this man.

Our first date was a dinner date at a beautiful restaurant and after dinner he invited me back to his place.

He got the red wine out and then we became intimate and I spent the night with him.

He sent me a video during the week and we had a couple of messages between us, then stupid me sent this message this afternoon.

Hope you are well
and had a nice weekend...
I can’t help but feel you were trying to tell me something through the Swiss video?
I feel so disappointed, as we had so much in common and could have a great time together.
I think you were great, I respect you and wanted to get to know you as a friend...
Mary xx

I have been having huge anxiety attacks over this, he replied this evening:

Sorry been really busy, and wrapping up things before I leave. No, there wasn't a "hidden" message in the video, I wouldn't do that. Things went very fast during our first rendez-vous and thats unlike me tho!
Hope you had a nice weekend and no Monday Blues today!

How do I reply to this message from him without scaring him off, but at the same time I want to tell him I am attracted to him and would love to see him again.

This whole dating game is new to me as I was married for 25 years

Thank you in advance

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, I'm so pleased I haven't upset you as I was worried I had.

I think it's time to ask the question, if he's really interested in wanting to see you again then he should tell you, because as soon as he keeps asking you questions about yourself or what you have done during the day, then he's interested, and by sending photos would indicate he wants to see you again, never the less, ask him.

You can't be left at home only wishing and hoping, this will only build up your expectations on a wish that may not prosper.

I know that my wife before we started dating always asked me if I loved her and now since we've divorced I still say I love her because I do.

Don't forget the time is different to Australia.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Elsam]

Hi @Geoff

Please don’t think you may have upset me, I love your advice as another male as I don’t have many male friends.

Anyway!!! I put the hard word on him early this morning which was late afternoon there!!

I’m not sure if you want to keep in contact? I would love to see you again when you come back...

His response:

Hope you are having a great start into the new week and are enjoying your new endeavor!

Sure, sorry but things were happening fast and wont return till ?? Will land in Sydney July and spend two weeks in Quarantine before I am being back released into the wild on August 1st

I have been so excited all night about his response, now I am having an anxiety attack as his response is a bit confusing??

I am not sure how to take the Sure, sorry!!

Maybe he is saying Sorry that he has made me think he doesn’t want to keep in contact! I really think it is just his way of slowing things down between us.....

He has given me the exact dates he will be travelling and back in Sydney and when he will be released from Quarantine.

Would he do this if he was not interested in seeing me again???

I’m pretty sure he means things were happening fast between us.

He is a very smart man and was well aware things would happen when he invited me back to his house on the first date, he wasn’t drunk when he invited me back and then we had 2 bottles of wine!

How did he expect things not to move fast???

If he didn’t want me to know about his life he wouldn’t tell me his plans!!

After our first date, he commented:

I never regret anything, I cherish it.

I really hate all this overthinking over analyzing, maybe I should put myself to sleep until he returns 😂😂

Plus he has been sending photos and kisses so there must be some chemistry there

Things would not have moved so fast between if there was no attraction/chemistry......

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, no I wouldn't worry at all about what he's said, I take it that his work has been so busy and apologising to you as it has delayed his return, don't think negatively, remember he's kept in contact and sending you lovely messages, lovely because he could be very shy without you being there face to face and he might also be scared about what he says.

The way the earth is spinning so quickly, August will be upon us in no time, don't be despondent, I take his messages as being positive and not confusing at all.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Elsam]

@Geoff, you’re the absolute best...

You always make me feel better!!

Why is a nice man like you divorced.....

[Juliet_84]

Hi Elsam,

I’m glad to hear that you have found someone you are attracted to, that can be half the battle sometimes. Like the others, I do think he is interested in you but I do also think that he is trying to slow things down so that you can get to know each other properly. He is also most likely aware that if things don’t work out (with a lot of relationships failing in the early dating stages),and you have rushed in before getting to know each other properly, you would be absolutely devastated because you have raced ahead of yourself. Although I agree that you can be attracted to someone at first sight, I would caution against thinking that it is “love at first sight” as you realistically don’t even know anything about this person yet. I don’t wish to offend you with my opinion, I just want to hopefully temper your expectations to avoid any potential devastation down the track. Instead I would focus more on getting to know him as a person, how he treats people, his morals and goals for the future, and then deciding over time whether they align with your beliefs. It’s a sad reality that a lot of people can put on an act in the first 6 months of dating and the person you end up with can be vastly different. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t date but just that you shouldn’t rush in without getting to know a person properly. I wish you all the best with it.

[Guest_1584]

Do we actually call it dating in Australia now too or is that just yet more Americanism ? Just something l've wondered as l've never called it dating but l notice a lot of it even around bb. Suppose l could ask my daughter r=what they call it , she's 20 .

But sorry Elsam l do agree with Juliet though too . And another thing bothers me is that he says things , like he said you should catch up before he leaves , after you suggested it though, but then he just leaves. He's sounded a bit like just mr nice tbh. Just saying bc like Juliet l personally think it might be smart keeping feelings in check until he gets back and just seeing what sort of effort he actually makes himself for awhile first.

He also hasn't mentioned missing you or can't wait too see you again or any of the things people would normally say in this situation. l know it's new and he said it went too fast but hey he made that happen so he's obviously got no problem coming forward when he wants and didn't have any complaints at the time. Don't wanna upset you and hopefully he does add up , love a happy ending haha buttttt , just felt l should put my two cents in none the less.

Take care. rx

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, that's lovely of you to say that, so thank you so much, unfortunately, my depression was the cause and part of the reason why, although we still keep in contact every week and talk as if nothing happened.

She well, unfortunately, hooked up with an older chap who also did meals on wheels in Melbourne and now regrets doing this, but it's too late as he has dementia and she's looking after him.

There's much more to the story as we communicate as if nothing had happened, but it has.

Please keep us in touch.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

So sorry to hear that Geoff

lt's really sad , probably if she hadn't got re-involved , well , who knows.

rx

[Elsam]

Hello friends

@Geoff, very sorry to hear about your depression, you seem like a great man and it is so sad when depression takes over. Really hopes things work out for the best for you with your ex wife seeing you still love her. You never know how life changes!!

I never expected to be divorced, I loved my husband so much, he was a stupid man!!!

Well, I must say I am absolutely beside myself with excitement!!! I have been on cloud 99 all week....
The last couple of days have had some changes for the better...

Since I dropped the bomb on Tuesday and asked if he wanted to keep in contact. I also said I would love to see you again when you come back....

It seems very positive that he has done some thinking!!! 😝 He has had plenty of time to think.... 😝😝

Tuesday morning he sent a message:

Hope you are having a great start into the new week and are enjoying your new endeavor! Also giving me the exact dates he will be travelling and back in Sydney.

Wednesday morning:

I woke up to a photo of him and his daughter! He just made my day....

Would a man that seems very private send a photo of him and his daughter if he is not interested in me ?????

I don’t think so!!!!

Thursday:

We have us some nice messsages between us, he has always gone 2-3 days in between messages but has now been messaging daily, maybe because it is getting closer to him coming home, I don’t know but I am not going to stop him!!

Friday morning:

I woke to a funny news link he had sent about a couple being caught on camera being intimate 6500ft up an Austrian mountain.... 😂😂

Would a man send that to a woman unless he had been a intimate with her??
I assume he was most probably a thinking about our night of intimacy!!

He then sent some photos of the city where he is currently...

OMG!! He has got me so excited, I can’t wait to see him....

Next message he sends I am going to say in a cheeky way.

You’re getting me too excited with your travel photos, wish I was there....

What a change when I thought I was losing him....

Maybe me message worked wonders!! 😝😝

[geoff]

Hello Elsam and RX, all sounds to be great for you Elsam and today I'm seeing my ex.

Take care.

Geoff.