Help- I need strength to leave my partner

[Guest_926]

Hi, I need some help and support. I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and have lived with him for most of that time. I was single for a long time before I met him; was in an abusive marriage for 12 years. I am insecure and do not trust easily. But he was so loving and still is at times, I thought I’d found my perfect partner. After a few months I found out he had been communicating with past girlfriends and was on multiple dating websites. He’d even contacted a woman on one. He assured me he would wipe his past and we started counselling. My trust was broken. He was eager to buy property together and get married. I held off the marriage but bought land with him. We have been under a lot of stress due to work and trying to blend families successfully. He is reasonably nice to my kids but complains they do nothing to help out. We are back in counselling as he pushed me a few times and I called the police. It doesn’t seem to be helping. He blames me for all our problems; he has tried to contact his past girlfriends a few more times and has met with one of his ex-wives to discuss our relationship which I had asked him not to do. I often wonder if he is a narcissist. Reading about it I can see some traits in him. We have a few good days and it’s so loving and wonderful but then I’ll say something he doesn’t like and won’t speak to me for days. This happens all the time and has been our story. I have reached out to his third wife to get some insight on what I thought was true - he cheated on his wives and lied. He has the potential to be quite horrible when drinking so I asked him not to drink much and he did agree but in the last two months he has started to go out with work colleagues (mainly women) and drink. It’s hard to express what I’m feeling. Basically some times he treats me so wonderfully but he can’t sustain it. Then he blames me and doesn’t speak to me for days. He is very negative about things at times and mopes about. He always talks about himself and will often cut me off. My psychologist is of the thought he won’t change and I need to leave. There’s been so many times he has lied to me or contacted other women or not spoken to me for days. I’m so confused. In my gut I know I have to leave; I think he will become mean if he finds out my plan. I’m worried how I will move everything out in one day. I don’t have many people to help. I can’t pack beforehand as he’ll know. But then he is quite loving. I need help to stick to my plan to go.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Gilmore (and a warm hello to all your caring supporters here),

Well done on making such a brave decision. I feel very, very proud of you 🙂 I hope you’re feeling extremely proud of yourself as well.

If you ever falter, look back on this post to reassure yourself why you’ve chosen to walk away...once again, I’m feeling so very proud of you and happy for you 🙂

We are all here cheering you on...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Guest_926]

Thank you... I need that support!! I question my decisions all the time... that’s why I haven’t left before. I am scared of what my future will bring; I was alone for several years before this relationship and at times very lonely. That’s what I’m fearful of and why I stayed. I can see how it’s impacting on my children, even though they are teenagers they still see me being ignored and doors being slammed. Thank you so much. I still might need to keep chatting though.... especially until I move.

[monkey_magic]

Hi Gilmore29,

You have my support too. I think I would feel like you in your situation and want to leave too. Change is scary but necessary to grow. You could always chat to/ get to know other men on dating sites, for example ( when you're ready) to curb the loneliness. I'm currently thinking about a move to another state far away from everything I know. It can b hard and tough. I think you are showing a lot of strength and good on you.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Gilmore (and a wave to your lovely supporters here),

You’re most welcome 🙂 We are all cheering you on...

Yes, I hear your fears and doubts, and of course the fear of being alone is a big struggle. But you’re doing this (walking away) for you because you deserve better (so much better).

As for your children, I feel you walking away will be one of the bravest and most admirable things that they will see you do. I feel the message you will be sending them is that they don’t have to stay in a relationship that ultimately hurts them either...

Plus of course you’re welcome to keep chatting. You can write whatever and whenever you like. We are here for you and want the best for you...looking forward to your next update...

Continuing to cheer you on...

Kindness and Warmth,

Pepper

[Terry73]

Hi Gilmore,

Fear and the unknown are with even the most put together of people when it comes to viewing the future, but also comes opportunity and improvement. Sure, there are some bad times ahead, but I can tell you this much, the happiness is there too and worth much to hang around to find out about too, it out-weighs the bad always in my opinion.

Thing is, you made a choice, now run with it, explore the new opportunities and choose which way suits you best, and which way will lead to better things and happier times for you.

Terry

[Guest_926]

Why am I so sad?

[Birdy77]

Dear Gilmore,

I think you are sad because you have loved/do love this man.

I think you're sad because you have invested 2.5 years with him and tried to blend your families.

You are sad because you have opened your heart to him and become vulnerable to him as we do when we love someone.

You are sad because you have expected to be treated well and have not been

You are sad because you had planned to build a life and future with him and it has not turned out the way you wanted it to.

And now, you have found the strength to do what you need to do to keep yourself and your kids emotionally and psychologically safe.

Leaving him is going to be difficult, and not just on a practical level. Emotionally you are "unplugging" from him, and it is going to hurt.

It's very natural and normal for you to be sad.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this, and I'm sorry you are going through it.

I hope you are able to gather some support around you to help you do this.

We are here for you any time to listen, care and cheer you on.

🌻birdy

[Guest_926]

Thank you... 😊

[Guest_926]

Omg just got home and he has bought two Keith urban tickets at over $500 each for me and him, for next year. I've already got tickets; I got them today. But not for him. It's a fine line between feeling sorry for him and thinking he has issues. He went and saw an ‘old’ friend yesterday.... mind you she is single and he used to be in a relationship with her. He is definitely showing me who he is and I now believe him. Have two houses to look at tomorrow fingers crossed I will get one as I’m desperate and the ones I’ve seen so far haven’t been big enough....