Ex Jehovah’s Witness ?

[Gj1]

Hey guys my first post here😊

To start off with I want to say that I was born and raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and left the faith when I was able to move and support myself. Leaving and coming out to normal society has been pretty tough tho. I just feel like there’s a really distinctive loneliness of being an ex Witness that a lot of people won’t ever understand.

I’m wondering if there are any ex Jehovah’s Witnesses on these forums that have been able to sort of overcome those feelings and find happiness outside the organization.

Could really use some good stories that it does get better because at the moment it feels like I’m seeing the world from behind glass

[Jazziin]

Wow I been JW or door knocker for nearly 50 years, and I’m so confused, seen a lot know a lot believe in Jehovah, but not it’s people, have no faith in them, in my early years 7-15 I was moved from family to family, so no stability home life wise, had friends in truth and outside, but I was physically/mentally abused by my father for many years, in today’s world he would be jailed, but now he’s a vegetable, due to numerous strokes, but I’m very estranged from him, only ever remember one good memory when I was 13, and nothing since, today we just tolerate each other,

in my later years 19-30 I moved to Australia from New Zealand, met my best friends on my first day I arrived and yes they are JWs also, But in my time here my 2nd cousin was Disfellowshipped, my 2 brothers and my sister and finally my best friend that was the hardest, but I didn’t break contact with any of them, but once I disassociated myself they cut all communication, but now I’m so confused, because of the sheltered life I’ve lived, I’m curious about my sexuality, if I’m gay, straight, fluid, asexual all the different labels, yes it is a very lonely life, but I have been living by myself since 1997, seen a lot of country, lived in Perth, Brisbane, Gold Coast, Lightning Ridge most exciting time that was, visited Phuket, so you could say I’ve seen a lot and yet still have no idea where I fit in, thank you all for letting me share apart of myself, I welcome any feedback

[smallwolf]

Jazziin - hi and welcome to the forum.

it sounds like you have done a lot in your life with your travels and at the same time you mention not really knowing where you fit in. Beyond Blue have a few podcasts and one of them I recall was about a person from overseas coming to Australia and the line that struck out most was how in a sea of people she could be so alone.

if you were to do a google search for

• confused about sexuality

• beyond blue confused about sexuality

you will find others stories on the forums from people in a similar position about about their orientation. And it is OK to take your time you need to work out what these feelings mean for you. There’s no time limit, so it is ok to pause and give yourself a break. I any many others here accept you as you are. And it would also be OK to read up on the topic as well.

Hope to see you more around the forums.

[Jazziin]

Thank you for reaching out Smallwolf, in this pandemic it’s even tougher, but as I’m on disability and ndis I have support workers visit me, take me shopping, while I wait for a transfer from public housing in the worst building, I’ve ever lived in, and trying to go private rent is even harder, with paranoia of home owners, the normal we knew is gone, occasionally I get a txt message from my sister, who too is confused about things, but glad she still reaches out, not a lot as she and my 2 brothers got re-instated, so they are back in the church, same with my best mate, who surprisingly had pressure from his family to return, may have been due to the fact his father isn’t a witness at all, but he could never ignore his son and his granddaughter. They have a relationship that couldn’t be separated, his old man during his time out, did all the normal things, and I still hung out and still hear from him, but he’s made his choice and I’ve made mine, I have extended family who are not JWs who I can connect with too....

[smallwolf]

@Jazziin - I assume that you would not get to speak much with anyone in your family now? Outside of your support worker is there anyone you are to talk to?

[Kelski]

Hi there 😊

I was raised a JW until the age of 13 when my Mum was disfellowshipped. Now at the age of 36, I’m starting to realise just how much of an impact my childhood had on me. I struggle to make friends and really feel I am in the world at times. I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can best navigate these feelings as they arise? Lately I’ve been feeling resentment towards my Mum for depriving me of a ‘normal’ childhood where social exclusion wasn’t such a dominant and omnipresent feature in my life.

[Croix]

Dear Kelski~

It as truly horrible to find al the things you know when you are not there . The love around you, your freinds, the buildings, those you respected, their teachings, social customs -all turn hostile. It leaves one with no compass to steer by, grief and loss -and maybe anger.

Learning the things others expect in society, and looking at people as non-potential hostiles is hard, takes time, and if you are lucky someone with the patience for you to find your way, and maybe a little trust.

I'm not sure anger at your mother will do either her or you much good. Thinking back on your exile, I'd expect she felt the same as you. When she brought you up I'd expect her love was the only genuine one.

Apart from this budding anger may I ask what sort of relationship you have with her now? I apologize if this question is intrusive or inappropriate

It may be a support group might help, provided it was not just a hate-fest and concentrated more on how to handle everyday life.

www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

will not have what you are looking for straight away but might be a starting point for your own inquiries in your own state.

You are not alone, we are away here and if you google

witness beyondblue forum

Jehovah’s beyondblue forum

and other related words

you will others with your struggle here in the Forum.

I hope to hear from you again

Croix

[blondguy]

Hello Kelski

Welcome and thankyou for being a part of the forum family too!

There are many 'practicing' parents that believed they were doing the best for their kids in the JW faith as thats what they strongly believed in at the time. I was brought up in a basic Christian way yet I still have an elderly gentleman that knocks on my door from the JW... who gently tries to get me to a JW meeting that will never happen

Just from my experience with my own upbringing....I had a controlling parent that made my life a misery and I am still trying to undo the damage now 50 years later at the age of 60

On the positive side a proactive counsellor that showed me the way to having some peace of mind and it did make a difference . The social exclusion would have been horrible for you Kelski

I am sorry for the pain you are and have been going through...

There are many gentle people that can be here for you too....I am only one of them..Your input is always welcome...The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for you (and everyone) to post

any questions are always welcome! We are good listeners 🙂

Paul

[Kelski]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for your thoughtful message. I’m ok with you asking that 😊 the relationship with my Mum is that we are close in many ways great friends but there’s a lot of denial on her part. Whenever I have tried to broach this issue with her lately, she has said ‘I have no regrets’ which I felt hurt about because I just don’t think she’s really taken the time to realise just how much it impacted me throughout my childhood. I don’t want to feel anger towards her, but I also want to feel things as they come ups I am working to forgive her for her choices, I know deep down she was doing the best she can with what she had. But we never really talked about life after, she jumped straight into a relationship with a ‘worldly’ man who she moved into our home and he was abusive towards her. To go from living as a JW and then going to the opposite without any help or acknowledgement of how much of a big deal that was, I still feel hurt about the seismic shift from being thrown into the world in such a dramatic way. I wonder, do I need to have her acknowledge all this for me to heal? Is there a way to heal without her? The truth is, although we are close in many ways, my Mum, sister and I as a family are broken. My sister is younger than me and struggles to trust either of us, we are affectingly estranged. I feel like I live with the hum of separation and in ways have become numb to it - but I don’t want to be anymore. I am blessed to have a beautiful partner who is very kind and supportive. Thank you for listening, it really means a lot.

[Kelski]

Hi Paul,

thank you for your kindness - it’s healing to know I’m not alone here. I’m sorry about the way you were parented, I hope you continue to find the peace of mind you deserve so you can heal. I’m glad I found this group 😊

[Croix]

Dear Kelski ~

I understand you do not feel happy about the relationships you have now, and am sure there are other matters that are hard. Many for example on coming out to the real world have struggles with morality.

The man who came to live with you was basically your mother's choice, and probably reflects how unworldly she was at the time.

You are coping well, and are, as you say, blessed wiht a loving partner as am I. She helps make sense of the world for me and is someone to lean on when I'm struggling.

You asked if you mother had to acknowledge the harm done you before you can be at peace. Frankly I doubt you will need it. For a start making a choice cascades down into a forest of unknowable results and if you put most of the blame where it belongs, it is with the people you grew up with that abandoned you and the abusive man.

For your mother to firstly understand it all and secondly admit her fault is really her set of problems for her to find peace. Feeling anger may seem natural, but I suspect most is mis-aimed. Parents do hold a special place in our hearts and to see them as mistaken or evasive does hurt, however the worst things were done by others to all of you.

I guess it is your little sister I worry about the most, there are so many paths to go down, most harmful, and wihtout trust and think the only peron to have her interest at heart is herself it is easy to stray down one of them.

I guess the best you can do for her is show love and be steadfast, an oasis in a turbulent and directionless world.

To look after yourself best I would suggest a councilor or psych, one who has experience with those leaving religious cults, and see how that goes. Others have traveled the same way you are doing and there may be easier ways of handling things than one might think of first off.

Please come back and say more

Croix