Don't really want relationships but needing some sort of connection

[sparkvark]

As per thread title. I'm basically a loner, and don't like relying on other people for things or having them involved in personal things that I'm doing. Sometimes I feel lonely and like I need a meaningful connection or help to deal with things or even get motivated. And sometimes I feel like every interaction is an imposition, that people are willfully misunderstanding me and changing topics in a way that shuts down anything I wanted to say, that I'm so disconnected from everyone, that an act of violence could either reconnect or sever the connection altogether.

Today I'm in between both of those feelings.

[blondguy]

Hi Spark (excuse I for hijacking your thread)

Boo..(Its Paul)...(blondguy is just a handle) Thanks for understanding about Harley 2 Sox 🙂 We get it!

Will Smith starred in 'Seven Pounds' and the beautiful Great Dane has the same 'look' as Holly in your profile pic even though Holly isnt a great dane.

I think that Sarge & Harley 2 Sox will be good friends Boo. Paulx

[Just Sara]

Hi Sparky;

Just catching up after a break from cyber land. You've created a great thread! Loneliness and disconnection hits us all at some stage; the dreaded Mental Health epidemic of the new millennium.

I feel like we should all join hands in a circle and sing Kum-bai-ah. Like minded we may be, but this club doesn't have people fighting to get in.

I like Dot's words re finding 'meaningful' connections; talking on the phone doesn't mean it's beneficial. Hearing a voice might take away the silence, but if we're not connected, the isolation goes on.

I visited my (toxic) mum yesterday. I tried to contribute to the conversation, that incidentally was about me, and she shot me down in flames. It hurts to be ignored or spoken 'at'. Not being heard by the people that count, can't be more painful. I fight the urge to yell and cry, but I've learned it's not productive. So I go home and cry anyway.

This is why I find the forum so attractive as a supportive resource. No-one can butt in or talk over the top of me. I get to speak my peace, then read (listen) as much as I can deal with. There's a flow to communication; one person talks then another responds...love it!!!!

Sara (Hugs)

[sparkvark]

Sorry for abandoning this thread and not getting back to those that had replied.

​I think a substantial part of the problem is evident right here - talking, even online, seems to be generally wearying and unrewarding for me. I'd rather 'be' and 'do' than talk. Talking is only good for showing how maddeningly ineffective it really is as a means of communication.

[Guest_322]

Hi Sparkvark,

All good, there's no need to apologise. I appreciate your frank post.

Just as a heads up, I'm writing because I wanted to acknowledge your last post. There's no need to respond as I don't want you to feel obligated. Now that that's out of the way...

I think that you have pretty much said it all yourself, and maybe talking just isn't for you. Talking works for some and not for others- either is okay.

I mean, you have already identified more effective communication strategies on a personal level. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "being" and "doing" (don't worry, I'm not asking for an explanation) but they seem to be right for you. So maybe focus more on those things. You do you.

All the best,

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi again,

Sorry, that came out wrong...

I meant *acknowledge your most recent post (as opposed to "acknowledge your last post", which was clumsy wording on my part).

Dottie x

[sparkvark]

Thanks for your reply Dottie.

No worries about the wording, I wouldn't even have noticed haha 🙂

Happy to elaborate a bit in the being/doing - in school I preferred to run around and play on the playground than sit around talking. So basically that. It doesn't translate well to communicating about feelings though. Not in ways that anyone can communicate back, and certainly not when one is physically alone.

I used to enjoy the written word and all it could convey. I admire those who are willing and able to stick with it when navigating their thoughts and emotions, whether on this forum or otherwise. It just seems that it's no longer an approach that will work for me.

I hope anyone reading has a fantastic day and is staying cool in this weather.

Regards,

Spark

[Guest_322]

Hi Spark,

Cool, thanks for explaining what you meant by "being" and "doing."

Whether it's by being and doing- or by something else altogether- I hope you find what you're looking for. Mad props to you for your self awareness in understanding what does and doesn't work for you. When it comes down to it, we each have to do things our own way.

Thanks Spark and good luck with it all!

Dottie x