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Don't really want relationships but needing some sort of connection

sparkvark
Community Member

As per thread title. I'm basically a loner, and don't like relying on other people for things or having them involved in personal things that I'm doing. Sometimes I feel lonely and like I need a meaningful connection or help to deal with things or even get motivated. And sometimes I feel like every interaction is an imposition, that people are willfully misunderstanding me and changing topics in a way that shuts down anything I wanted to say, that I'm so disconnected from everyone, that an act of violence could either reconnect or sever the connection altogether.

Today I'm in between both of those feelings.

26 Replies 26

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Spark

Good topic. I am a loner as well. I understand where you are coming from. Having a connection with some (or even 1 or 2) people is always healthy as we can have a good vent. A great way to get rid of toxins

I know you dont like relying on other people for things but sometimes all of us can benefit from a 'connection' so we can offload. They may want to offload their thoughts to you as well. Life being a 2 way street its usually the way it goes.

Do you have anyone that you can discuss what you like doing whether its computers, the NBN...politics...movies?

What topics do people shut you down on when you are trying to have a yak? If its ok for me to ask of course

It can be frustrating when people cut us off mid topic and alter our discussion topic.

Even though you have been around the forums for a while now Spark, we all need someone to have even a basic connection with. My depression also presents its own frustrations for me too

Being lonely can be a pain though....I hear you there Sparkvark

you are not alone here though....even if its computer based...its still a good way to have a yarn 🙂

my best

Paul

Just Sara
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hey Sparky! Nice to see you again...

You can vent, purge or chat with me anytime you like hun; I'm a good listener. And loneliness...don't get me started! It hurts heaps to feel ignored. Anger? I hear you, I've felt just like that many times and had to walk away.

My expectations have lowered when it comes to 'those' people. I just watch their mouths move these days.

(btw..great response Paul!)

Take it easy Sparky and have a wonderful day...

Sara (Alias Dizzy, Sara Conna)

Boo1986
Community Member

Hi Sparkvark,

I often struggle with feelings of loneliness too, and mostly distrust people so do not want to get too close to them. I feel that many of my social interactions benefit the other person but people are not interested in my needs... they just want their needs met.

For me, the best solution was to get a dog. I struggle to find people to trust, or whose intentions are good, but I find animals completely trustworthy. They provide companionship because they want to. They don't judge, criticise or abandon you. They are honest about the things they want out of the relationship eg when you are eating something they want some too etc. It is really nice for me just to have some company while I'm watching TV... someone to cuddle, another body in the room.

Something to consider 😃

Chris_B
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
sparkvark said:

I'm so disconnected from everyone, that an act of violence could either reconnect or sever the connection altogether.

Hi sparkvark, we're a bit worried by this part of your post. Could you please let us know what you mean? Are you considering harming yourself or others?

Hi Paul. Yeah I see how having people to connect with can be important. It just seems hard. Even now just writing this is difficult. Trying to make sure I'm hearing everyone out and responding to what they're saying. I have an online partner but our interests are quite different so it's hard to discuss them in any sort of depth. It's also not a very equal relationship as they are constantly wanting my company whereas I sometimes feel resentful of the time I give them.

Shutdown topics vary - usually because it's not a common interest. But I'm not at the level of being able to discuss the interest with other people who are interested. And I so infrequently have anything to say about anyone else's chosen topic of conversation so I get what's coming to me. However even forum threads that are on my chosen topic feel difficult to maintain conversation flow so it's not just about having the topic shut down. So I'm not sure if the forums are going to be part of the solution or not.

Hey Sara, good to hear from you again. I've occasionally been silently reading your 'Getting to know me' thread and I'm glad that you still have that space where you can talk though things that are on your mind with some likeminded people. Thanks for the offer and for letting me know how you relate. I once read someone's opinion that being ignored was the shortest path to insanity. Can't say I disagree. Hope your day was good too.

Hi Boo1986, thanks for the suggestion. It's great that your dog helps fill that need for companionship. Animals are great 🙂 Is that you and your dog in your profile pic? What breed? I'd like a dog but it wouldn't be fair to keep even a small one cooped up in my apartment. I don't fancy the idea of an indoor only cat, and can't imagine having another type of pet. But it's alright, the neighbourhood dogs make enough noise and I can see some of them from the balcony, plus see my parents' dog on skype.

Hey Chris. Thoughts yes, intent no. Acknowledged that if it becomes a real problem I'd be encouraged to get help elsewhere.

Hi Spark

Thanks heaps for posting back! You make a good point that it can be difficult to post even on these forums.

I joined in January 2016 and just posting on someone else's thread was difficult for me at the time...Seriously

You have more courage than I did to create your own thread as early as you have.

Your thoughts/posts are just as important as anyone else's on the forums 🙂 Even if you just want to have a talk about whatever you wish 🙂

You are an important part of the Beyond Blue Forum Family Spark!

We are here for you, no worries at all

my kind thoughts

Paul

Hi Paul,

Thanks for your reply. It seems like you've made a good difference here and helped a lot of people in the time you've spent on the forums.

Posting on other people's threads seems like it would be harder than just creating one 😛 I participated on a different forum and got used to the idea there, so I've had some practice.

I'm not sure what I want to say here really. Moaning about what's going on in my head has never been productive, and I don't have anything else worth talking about either.

I dunno. Thanks anyway Paul.

You're not alone when it comes to loneliness. i feel like that all the time. plus every friend i get close to seems to hurt me after awhile. I did have a very good friend to talk too once about stuff but now... shes gone. i don't think i'll ever hear from her again. my fault thou i guess. It's hard to talk to people. no one seems interested or you get ignored

Sorry to hear about losing your friend mechanical animal. I hope you can find another friend to fill that place - you did it once, so it's not beyond possibility. What do you normally do to handle loneliness?