Depressed due to a relationship break up

[Coadie]

Hey everyone, so I’m a 16 year old teenage boy who is currently in high school. Now by reading the title and seeing my age you may think I’m a little childish and don’t understand what ‘real love’ is but believe me I do. There’s this beautiful girl that I had a thing with, we were only dating for two weeks but we were close and getting to know eachother a few weeks before that. She ended it with me last night, she has a few issues going on in her life at the moment, that’s is her business and I’m not going to discuss those as it’s not my place to. But she broke up with me because she didn’t want to hurt me, she didn’t want to drag me down with her. We both suffer from depression and this break up has only made mine worse. I’ve spoken to her and she keeps saying it’s for the best but I don’t get it, I want to help her and I’m not going to get dragged down with her, I’m there to support her. I broke down into pieces last night, I was a wreck, I didn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about her, went to school today, went home an hour after school started cause I just couldn’t be there. The minute I got in the car with my mum I broke down, I was a mess but I couldn’t tell her what was wrong, I had to make up an excuse because I feel I can’t tell her about these things. ‘I had a migraine’ I said, I got home and took two of my dads anti depressant pills, it feels like it didn’t do anything besides make it all worse. Anything I do, anything I think about it just reminds me of her. I loved this girl and I still do and I don’t want this to be the end. I’m in a really messed up position at the moment and I need advice on how to talk to her about it, how to let her give me another chance, be able to tell her that I’m there to help her, that I’m not going to get dragged down by it all. Please I need this girl in my life.

[white knight]

Hi Coadie, welcome

I can help you. I'm 62yo and had many breakups with girls, women.

You are mature and write well. Age is irrelevant.

Firstly my closest female friend if 7 years is my wife. She has depression, I have depression and bipolar. If anything we compliment our relationship by both being unwell. In a common relationship where one is well it isnt so easy. When my wife is depressed I know what its like and visa versa. Maybe you could let her read this?

A few important things

• Never take mefications not prescribed to you. Meds take up to 8 weeks to work so you taking your dads AD's can harm you...seriously harm you.
• Try to "connect"with this girl in a way other guys cant. Find ways to comfort her if she is depressed. Try to maintain a friendship but be careful not to smother her. If she wants to pursue a relationship she will...in time. Your best chance is to remain friends. If she knows you understand she might reconsider.
• Breaking up brings grief. That is something that is always painful. Expect to not attend school until you recover.
• Always assume there could be other reasons she broke up. It isnt easy to say the honest reason sometimes.
• Try not to become obsessed by her. There are other girls and you can find attraction in some. Love is tough but it must be two way to be the strongest.
• There is no reason not to be straight with you mum. She will understand.
• You can continue to post here

Google

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Topic: relationship split- beyondblue

Regards

Tony WK

[Coadie]

Thank you for your reply Tony, I will take these things into consideration. 🙂

[quirkywords]

Coadie,

Welcome to this forum.

Tony has given some helpful suggestions.

ou sound like a very sensitive and caring young man.

Your girlfriend sounds like someone who cared about yiu as she did want to see you hurt.

You write so well with compassion and intelligence.

Quirky

I can sense your pain and frustration.

I just want to

[Juliet_84]

Coadie,

I really feel for you and what you must be going through at this moment. I don’t think there’s anything quite like the pain of heartbreak, sick in the stomach, emptiness in the chest, can’t eat, can’t sleep. I wish I could say it gets better, but every time you get your heart broken it hurts just the same. And each time you swear that you’ll never feel this way about another person, but you do, and each time it takes you by surprise. I think that’s why having your heart broken the first time feels the worst, you don’t have that reassurance yet that it’ll pass. That being said, if you love this girl, and she’s right in front of you, then you owe it to yourself to pursue it. White Knight has given you some useful tips, you need to create enough distance to be “missed” while also showing her that you’re there for her. Don’t overcrowd her at this moment even though you want to, but just make your encounters positive and supportive. Try and be understanding of her and listen to her needs. I wish you all the best xx

[Coadie]

Thank you so much everyone for the replies, it has really helped me understand the situation. Could I ask one thing of you all, I feel as if I’ve over thought everything and in a way harrased her, telling her I don’t understand why you had to end the relationship to get better. Basically I just feel like a dick now and I feel as if I’ve made the situation worse. Can I have some advice on how I can say sorry for making it so much harder for her. Thank you 🙂

[Coadie]

I feel like I’ve harassed her in a way, I’ve just been a dick and haven’t respected her decision... how do I say sorry?

[Coadie]

How do I say sorry to her? I feel as if I was to attached and cared to much in a way. I feel like I just made things worse than what they were.

[white knight]

Hi Coadie,

Sometimes things happen that aren't anyones "fault" so no apology can fix it. In any relationship the other person is unique, there is only one of those people so there are no hard and fast rules as to what to do and what not to do. This is why its best to remain friends and see how it might develop. You cant rush these things.

Your high level of care could have been a factor. That girl might have felt smothered or pressured. Love is a slowly developing thing not a jump in type of thing. some people take time to love and care others like yourself feel its a quick thing. So I'm not suggesting you change because you are how you are, just next time have short breaks of a day here and a day there and in those days mix with other friends and allow her to do the same.

This fast level of action/reaction/response etc possibly is an anxiety disorder. I know because its how I was to when I was your age. So if you want to pursue that and see a GP by all means, cant be harmful to have a chat.

Remember, we all expect other to respond at the same speed as ourselves. To fall in love at the same pace. We don't really know how another person is thinking until we get to know them personally for a long time.

Tony WK

[Coadie]

Thanks Tony, that all does make sense as I suffer from an anxiety disorder. My parents know about the anxiety but I haven’t got medication for it.