Breaking up with a friend

[Outandabout]

How do you cope with a friend breaking up with you? 

My best friend of 10 years and I have recently gone through very similar traumatic experiences with our families. In the past she was my go to girl with everything, work, friends and family and I was to her. We would help each other through everything. We did everything together. We have been there for each other for the start of this but things have changed. I still need her love and support but she no longer wants it from me...she has cut me off. 

How do you get over a friend dumping you?? I live in a small town and have no other friends that live in the area. It has surprised me the feelings I have felt with her telling me she no longer want me to be apart of what she is going through...but still wants to stay friends, she still wants me around as a friend.

I still need her love and support, but I know she will no longer give it to me. I'm finding it hard to leave the house, to focus on anything else. I have lost interest in everything and can't stop thinking about it. I know that the solution would be to go out and make new friends, find a hobby, but that is easier said than done...

She still wants to be friends and have me around...how do I proceed and not stuff up the friendship further, now that she has stated that she doesn't want to loose me as a friend?? I do not want to break this delicate relationship. 

Any ideas? Help or similar situations??

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Outandabout,

You'll be musing and thinking of this for years.   It's the nature of the beast/love.  We put so much time and energy it seems unfair for any circumstances to break things up.   You won't find a hobby to replace a close friendship.  You'll be lucky to find a bar of chocolate big enough to take away that kind of pain.

My best friend of many years was close to all my family but when he married he cut off things.  Then I found out it was his English fiance cutting off every single person her knew including his mum !  And he went along with it as he'd lived at home till 40 and was desperate for a marriage.   She told me it was because I was a bit humorous on emails to him !  Hello ?   We are both jazz musicians.  [Plus the concerning point that his wife was reading his emails.........isnt' that a bit rude !].

I think the big mistake is to go down the justification path.  List all the wonderful things you did for your friend, how much you put yourself out for her, etc, the history is exponential.    But, really, it's gone beyond some kind of Friendship Court.

At the end of the day you both are better off moving on and maybe reconnecting from time to time.    Otherwise, you're stuck in Emotional No Man's Land forever.  Guess friendships have value in restrospect and memory but I still think of my best friend from time to time and we haven't met up for 5 years.  Last I heard he was a chauffeur and his wife had made him give up music too.

You sound very balanced and thoughtful.   I wouldn't be surprised if you made it out of this relationship mess and developed other interests: things & people.     I hope your friend didn't break up by text !    Small Towns: Big Ears.

Adios, David.

[geoff]

dear Outandabout, well her decision to do this will be mulling around in your mind, 'why, why after all these years and all that we have had to cope with together, has this suddenly happen'.

It's something that you have no answer to, and probably will never get, and it's going to brew away and slowly eat you into a state of sadness, which could lead you into depression, if you aren't already.

It's so hard to be the closest of friend, companions or what ever, and then to sever this link, but still wanting to be friends, it never seems to work out, as this broken friendship dwindles away over time, and then the want to contact her turns into she's not there to talk to, or too busy.

I wonder whether she has found another person, and if so whether he wants her to have no contact with you, as this issue is a jealously one, but then again you may never find this out.

I also doubt if you will be able to get an answer from her, and even if she does, is it believable. Geoff.

[vip]

Hi Outandabouts if you get a chance read my post few weeks ago called 'awful friends' my close friend took off out of my life 3 months ago. The friendship changed and just went stale i couldnt handle it anymore and i wrote her a letter and cut ties . Everytime i was with her it was like walking on eggsheels and thats not fair for my mental health. Search harder and new people will come into your life thats what i have done and it makes life more interesting. Unfortunately thats what happens with friends thats why it is so important to have more than 1. take care