Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Why are people so cruel and hurtful

Community Member

2 years ago my father died after a long battle with lung cancer, he was 82. He was so brave and his attitude was remarkable. To watch him suffer in those final days was unbearable. The last night of his life I spent alone with him in hospital, I cant explain how hard that was to see him in immense pain and my thoughts of ending his suffering. The next day he took his last breaths, with me, my mother and my then wife, by his side. Its still hard to think about it but I have known many, many others have gone and will go through the same.

At the same time as this was happening I learnt I had melanoma. It was something out of the blue but I was lucky. I was watching the TV show "RPA" and saw someone who thought they had a blood blister under their toenail. To cut it short, within 2 weeks I had my big toe amputated and the doctor talking about checking if or how far it had spread. This was just the most frightening thing to happen to me. As I said I was lucky, not only picking it up out of the blue but it hadnt spread ( so far anyway).

Then on the day the good news came that the cancer hadnt spread, my marriage of 12 years fell apart. It was the last straw for me. I have suffered depression for most of my adult life and this just sent me to the brink. This was my 3rd marriage, I have a beautiful 19 yo daughter from my second marriage and 4 wonderful children, aged from 5 to 12 yo, to my last wife. This last 18 mths has been the darkest of my life. I have voluntarily gone to hospital 3 times in that period. The last time they tried ECT on me. I never want to go through that again, ever. The support I got from my family, friends and work was unbelievable. I cant thank them enough and I know how hard this was for them to have to listen to someone day in day out who has no confidence, no energy, no hope.

Im ok now, im on medication and regulary see my doctor and counsellor but the divorce has been a terrible thing to go through. My ex wife stopped access to my kids and I had to resort to court to get access back. She claimed she was concerned for them and that I would hurt myself and worse hurt them. They never were or ever will be at risk from me, I adore my kids and would never hurt them. The pain of losing the one you love and have worked so hard with to make a life for is indescribable, not only losing the house but now having to see her with someone else and that person, who has only been in their lives for the last six months, spending more time with them than me.

The only times I could see them over the last 12-18 months was an occassional weekend, until she would decide I couldnt and then I only saw them at sports or before school. To be pulled aside by the school principal and asked why you are at school and then being told to not be on school grounds is just sad. Anyway 3 weeks ago, after tens of thousands of dollars I had court approved time reinstated. My kids are now happy and love seeing me. My relationship with my ex wife is non existant. I had to endure snide remarks at soccer towards me and being humiliated in front of my kids. At one point I was mocked by her boyfriend with her behind him laughing about my ECT treatment in hospital all in front of my children and me not being able to do anything about it. I get text messages from her and her friends mocking my depression and being called a child and being pathetic for getting emotional.

Someone said to me the other day that I still havent had time to mourn my dads passing with everything thats happened since, maybe their right. I miss him terribly but my mum is feeling it worse, so I try and support her as much as I can. A few months  after his death my then wife said, "get over it your not the only one to loose someone". She had lost her Grand mother 15 years before so she thought I should not still be emotional about it. Why are some people so cruel???

I will always have this terrible thing, depression, I just need to be strong and get help when I need it. Im not afraid to say I suffer from it anymore but there are some out there who still want to belittle those of us who do.

1 Reply 1

Community Member

Dear firemacca,

"To be pulled aside by the School Principal and asked why you are at school and being told not to be on school grounds is very sad".    The ultimate insult (amidst all the rest of your drama and stress).   I had this once and I was carrying  a cheque for school fees - approx $30k.   The  Principal soon changed her tune !  I think the reason was that I wasn't dressed like a corporate clone and even had big black boots on cos I'd just cut the grass.

Talk about small man syndrome - the ex's boyfriend belittling you in front of your kids.   A good retort like "At least my sperm hit the mark" might be good.  But, better to predict these put downs when you go for social gatherings.   Maybe the same way you couldn't explain watching your dad suffering the night he died at 82 yrs is the same you you can't explain watching yourself suffer due to the reality of your (?) 2nd marriage dying.  Sorry, it's 1:20am and I might have lost count.  The sheep are calling...........

You sound pretty reasonable.  The ECT bad rap probably owes itself to Hollywood.  In actual fact it's pretty boring - lots of NIL foods/drink beforehand, waiting your turn, getting processed then a quick cuppa afterwards.  I guess even saying to the loser boyfriend "You know ECT wouldn't work on you - you have to be alive".   I think your knowledge of treatment is probably more powerful than the boyfriend's wit.   You could go the other way when you see the boyrfriends car fail to start - just say "Need a spark ?   I could probably re-ignite that car just by touching the spark plus with my hands.  (pause)  Or any other extremity". 

Adios, David.