I'm not coping when my partner leaves (long distance relationship)

[Shez_]

Hi,
I've suffered from depression for a few years but only diagnosed last year when my mum practically dragged me out of bed to see my GP. I've been on medication since although it was trial and error for a while.
I've got to see a psychiatrist but it has been hard to get an appointment. I manage ok day to day, Although the everyday stresses of running a household and raising 2 children on my own often overwhelm me.

I've been having a lot of issues with my depression recently. I have a bf and we have been together for 4 years.
We currently live 3 hours apart. We used to travel to each others houses often until I moved out of my parents house as I found a landlord willing to rent to me with 2 children and 2 large indoor dogs. He changed his work roster so that he had a chunk of days off together so he could come down for a few days to a week at a time.

I love him being here and I have repeatedly asked him to move in but the area I live in does have suitable work for him available and it would be drastically changing his income for the worst. We did search for a house to rent in his area but there was not a chance without references even then the dogs pretty much eliminated us..We plan to buy in the future but we are still a few years from that.
So long story short- we currently cannot live together.

The more he stays here the more I struggle when he leaves. It started out with all my old depression symptoms coming back slightly. I struggled to sleep, I couldnt concentrate, I was moody, snappy and in general sad.

This last week after he left was by far was the worst. It feels like it did when I originally was taken to the drs.
I cant concentrate, I've had a persistent headache for the last 4 days.I cant get to sleep, when I do sleep I have horrific nightmares. One of them was so realistic I got up and put every knife in my house in a cupboard that i need a stepladder to get into so that I couldnt impulsively do something stupid.
I wake up exhausted, I feel like a horrible mum. I'm always tired and angry, I don't know what my poor kids must think when I get angry one second and burst into tears the next. (my parents have had my kids for the last few days because of this)
 
I booked another appointment to see my GP but I cant get in for 2 weeks. I'm really just over this.
I have started to question my relationship as I cant stand the lows when he goes back home. I know that missing him triggers all this horrible stuff. Is there a way to cope with a situation like this?

[vip]

Hi Shez quite a stressful situation for you here i hope that psych appointment does come up soon it will be good for you to talk to someone professional about this. Glad you have taken the initiative or your  mum to take you to a gp and are on the meds. You are doing everything right here to get on the road to recovery .I have been a sufferer for 22 years so life can be very up and down when you have depression. Must be difficult for you also with 2 children a household to run ect just make sure you dont take your moods out on the kids I found myself crying in front of my son and he is 6 and still reminds me of it . I see a psych regularly so hopefully you can get in soon to see someone. Goodluck and take care.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Shez,

Over identification ?    Lots of moods there in your post.   Did you realise it was possibly anxiety ?    How can you be a horrible mum ?  These factors are out of your control.  Best to stick to a routine with the kids then your expectation of what they're supposed to be doing will fit with yours.  That kind of thing.

4 years is a solid relationship these days so one to value. We rent with a dog and 2 cats and not many landlords go for this.   For me, this is bizarre, as any family with pets will be staying longer in the rental than, say, students of singles.  Having pets should be seen as a plus.  Long term.

The separation with your best friend seems unfair regarding work / etc.

Made me think of the moderators at BB, plugging away day in day out, but also missing out on their own family stuff at the weekend.  What is today ?  Sunday.  I mean, in NSW it's 23 degrees and very nice outside.  But the mod on duty will be resourcing and updating on the behalf of others.  What can I say ?  We all make sacrifices.  But to be strong for ourselves too.

Not having your mum around to, what was it, "practically dragged me out of bed to see a GP" doesn't mean you can't follow suit.   To bad you don't seem to be considering moving to your friends area.  Is this impossible for you to consider again ?  With his work you would not have references and sometimes dogs can go under the radar.   Or you might just get lucky.    Where do you get these barriers from about what you can or cannot do ?  Where you can or cannot live ?  Surely, this is the depression talking.  You are free to choice your own destiny.

Adios, David.

PS  Mods - I have some spare cat food for the Moderators Cat as I changed brands and both my cats have turned their noses up at the new stuff.   Sardines to boot !