Boyfriend watching the same girl in porn videos

[HRW1998]

My partner has been watching these overweight girls on TikTok that are naked or in sexy clothing in the past and I saw them when I went through his phone and confronted him, he said he didn’t know why he was doing it.

we have had some issues with him lying to me about talking to other girls as friends and he has stopped but I struggle to trust him because he lies to me even about small things. I don’t care if he has female friends but I have issues when he lies about it. 

I recently went through his phone and he is watching the same girl, overweight and naked in her videos dancing and doing other things. I personally am not overweight but am not super skinny. It has given me a lot of anxiety about what he actually finds attractive and why he watches these videos. He watched them on days when we have spent the whole day together and I don’t understand why he is doing it. It makes me really insecure and I know I shouldn’t go through his phone but I am looking for advice on trust and any reasons as to why he does this. 

[Guest_7403]

You'll get alot of varying opinions on the ethicacy of porn and the watching of porn on here.

You don't seem to have an issue with that in general just that it's the same girl is moreso the problem.. 

I'm a guy and I would hazard a guess it's not as uncommon as youd think to like a particular "actor".

If I asked any of my mates who they watched they'd rattle off a list of names without missing a beat.

Its probably not ideal, and it's clearly causing you stress but it is perhaps not as bad as you think.

Thats just my two cents and view, others won't share it and that's ok.

Hope that helps...take care.

[HRW1998]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate a males opinion because I’ve spoken with him about it and he can’t seem to give me an answer as to why but your answer has given me a bit of peace of mind. So thank you very much! 

[Justwalkinghome]

I'm a woman who is overweight, and can tell you it's quite common for men to find our body shape desirable and to fetishise bigger women, wondering what it would be like to be with a bigger woman etc.

Unfortunately society tells men that part of their worth is the attractiveness of the women they are with - they want to have a woman who other men look at and think "I wish!" Many men fear that their friends would make fun of them if they had an overweight partner, and that they would be looked down on. 

As such, many men will fill this bucket through online means. 

At the end of the day, even if that is his attraction, he is with you. He's in the room, and in the bed, with you. 

Trust in a relationship is very important, and I wonder how going through his phone respects that trust? As scary as it is, to build trust, you have to trust.