Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SweetAngel New guy friend buying me expensive things
  • replies: 9

I have a new guy friend of 2 months and he has been super helpful to me like interview preparation, but just recently he took me shopping and spend $400 on clothing and buys all my dinner when we eat out and now says he will buy me makeup . He says I... View more

I have a new guy friend of 2 months and he has been super helpful to me like interview preparation, but just recently he took me shopping and spend $400 on clothing and buys all my dinner when we eat out and now says he will buy me makeup . He says I already looks nice but the things he buys will make me look like a model he says. my friends and mum thinks he obviously like me because he is doing all this, but thinks he will expect more now, like a relationship since I accepted the clothes as a gift,..like he said it is his gift for me for travelling to Sydney with him... although he spent $400 what are your thoughts about him paying for me?

Needs_Balance_ Think Husband needs help!
  • replies: 2

Hi, First post of here so please bear with me. 2 years ago I finally seeked help for my anxiety / depression and thought not 100% am a lot better after seeking advice. Now my husband is showing the classic signs I endured - grumpy constantly, snappin... View more

Hi, First post of here so please bear with me. 2 years ago I finally seeked help for my anxiety / depression and thought not 100% am a lot better after seeking advice. Now my husband is showing the classic signs I endured - grumpy constantly, snapping, glass half empty kinda guy (was not like this before) we have been together 20years How does one suggest maybe it might be time to go speak to someone... mental health plan from GP? our currently communications are not the best (both work FT + 2 smal babies.. life is busy!) We have spoken about marriage counseling which we both agreed to.. but the costs are outta of the budget at present. ant ideas?! x

Reeu Partner can’t leave my past in the past
  • replies: 2

Hi, When I met my partner I wasn’t 100% honest about my past between my ex husband and him as I did things I am not proud of because it’s not who I am. I thought all evidence was gone and I never minded with my partner going through my phone but he f... View more

Hi, When I met my partner I wasn’t 100% honest about my past between my ex husband and him as I did things I am not proud of because it’s not who I am. I thought all evidence was gone and I never minded with my partner going through my phone but he found messages from someone I had a one night encounter with. I now regularly get called a slut and told that I’m someone he doesn’t want to be with. Today he went to the chemist and sent me a photo of condoms asking if I needed any for when we break up seeing as I threw my supply out because I had so much sex between my ex husband and him (9 months between them). I am heartbroken. My past shouldn’t be used against me and I have cried every day for nearly 4 months once he found this message in my phone. Some days are fine and others, one little word is twisted into how much of a dirty hoe I was and that I am not trustworthy etc. Combine that with a narcissistic ex husband with who I share 50/50 with the kids and I just feel like I can never get through all this. I struggle to concentrate at work but I do my best to not let it affect my work. I have no family or friends to speak to because I’m scared to tell them my issues as I sold my house to have a future with my partner and don’t want to hear the ‘I told you so’. I can’t see a way out of this....

Sporadicallyanxiouswifemu Anxiety making it impossible to make decision on my marriage
  • replies: 2

Hi there, This is my first post. I’m writing this during a really bad anxiety attack where I feel like I’m going crazy and I have come out in hives. I feel like I can’t talk to my friends or family because they are sick and tired of hearing my story ... View more

Hi there, This is my first post. I’m writing this during a really bad anxiety attack where I feel like I’m going crazy and I have come out in hives. I feel like I can’t talk to my friends or family because they are sick and tired of hearing my story and to be honest so am I. Heres a bit of background: I am a 44-year-old mother of two children. I am married. My husband and I have been together for 11 years. My children are five and eight. My husband is very successful and we live a very comfortable life. My husband is an excellent father and provider and I do believe he loves me and that it would shatter him if I left. Earlier in our relationship for the first 6 to 7 years my husband was a sex addict and cheated on me many times. We sleep in separate bedrooms and have done now for the last eight years. We sleep in separate bedrooms and have done now for the last eight years. My gut feeling says that they need to be true to myself I need to separate. Even though the fear of being alone is very strong. When I confront him about this he flat out refuses to separate because he’ll says he loves me and he does not want to destroy our family. Every time you cheated we separated for three months and somehow ended by a pack together. I feel weak and stupid. My husband is a very charismatic man with many good qualities. Should I try to work on putting the trauma in the past or should I leave him? He has done everything in his power to fix all his mistakes. He sees a sex addict therapist once a week. I just can’t seem to work up the courage to divorce him. Right now I do not work and I haven’t for 10 years I have no idea what job I could do. I go through stages where I am so anxious I have had glandular fever or I come out in hives. My depression has been under control now for 20 years. But my anxiety is hard to manage. I know my words seem chaotic. When these bouts of anxiety hit .... I literally feel like I’m going crazy. I’m embarrassed and feel too insecure to go to social gatherings. All I want to do I lie in bed. I wish my mind would just stop and I could just be grateful for what I have. But it won’t. I’ve tried meditation although I can’t seem to stick to it. Exercise helps.

Needsmotivation Being Mum
  • replies: 4

I suppose this is more of a vent but I need to get it off my chest. Does anyone else feel like they can’t do the Mum gig some days? I love my family and won’t leave them but I’m tired and frustrated. My life isn’t fulfilled by just being a Mum, possi... View more

I suppose this is more of a vent but I need to get it off my chest. Does anyone else feel like they can’t do the Mum gig some days? I love my family and won’t leave them but I’m tired and frustrated. My life isn’t fulfilled by just being a Mum, possibility because I started my family late and already had a career which I miss as being the Mum means my career comes second. Maybe I’m just having an extra bad down day as I don’t have any family/friends close that I could just sit with. Think I’ll have a day of nothing today while the kids are at school. I know we should be grateful for what we have just some days are hard.

Manorama Mostly loving husband, sometimes making me feel worthless
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been married for 3 years now. For the most time, it is a happy marriage and my husband is a good man. Then come the fights during which all he wants to do is push the issue under the carpet and fprget about it, whereas I am the kind of a p... View more

Hi, I have been married for 3 years now. For the most time, it is a happy marriage and my husband is a good man. Then come the fights during which all he wants to do is push the issue under the carpet and fprget about it, whereas I am the kind of a person who wants to talk about things and sort them out. Which he believes is fighting. I have tried to tell him time and again that talking for 5 minutes will help solve the issue but he does not listen to me. I am laregly dependant on my husband emotionally and I moved to a different country for him. When we fight he keeps telling me that he is only staying with me because we are bound by marriage and even my own parrbts will not love me if they were in his place. He tells me to pack up everything and leave. I have nowherr to go. He told me that since I am fighting like a dog he is treating me like one. He stops talking to me and pretends like I do not exist, even though I am right next to him. This goes on for days and I am the one who needs to beg him every single time to stop shutting me out. I have always put him and his needs above mine. I am always there for him but he is here fpr me only when thinhs between us as are good. I feel I do not deserve love. I really need help I feel insecure and helpless. I do not have anyone to talk to.

Tizzie I'm ruining my relationship, and I don't know how to stop.
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I have been dating for around three weeks, but have been "together" for four months. When I first met him, I was really open with my mental health problems, and he was really comforting and helpful. All he wants is for me to feel bet... View more

My boyfriend and I have been dating for around three weeks, but have been "together" for four months. When I first met him, I was really open with my mental health problems, and he was really comforting and helpful. All he wants is for me to feel better. That's obviously not going to be the case though, seeing as I can find the motivation to seek the help that I need. We've had uni exams for the past two weeks and we're both under a lot of stress. We agreed that I would go with him to his exams for support, and he would go to mine. Unfortunately, for this past week, whilst he has had two of his exams and an exam-like interview, I've been overwhelmed with depression and anxiety and I haven't been able to keep my end of the deal. This happens regularly. Last weekend we were meant to go out together to a convention. He was really excited for it, and super happy that we would be going together. Of course, the night before, just as we're going to sleep, I'm hit with a sudden wave of depression. By morning it's so much worse that I can barely get out of bed. I tell him this and it's obvious that I can't go and he refuses to go alone. He's disappointed and upset, but he tries not to blame me. I'm still feeling incredibly guilty for it. I don't know how to stop myself from being dragged down by these wretched feelings, and to just keep my word and promises to him. It's tearing me apart, knowing that I should have gone, and if I had just pushed myself a bit, then I could have been there with him. But no matter how much I know what I should and need to do, I just can't muster up the motivation to actually do it. I want to be there for him, and I want to go out and have fun with him and fulfill our plans and promises.

clownartist Dealing with convert narcissists
  • replies: 19

I am interested in other peoples experience in dealing with convert narcissist and coping strategies .I have been surrounded by family and friends who I now realise have been disastrous for my mental health.My first mistake was choosing female friend... View more

I am interested in other peoples experience in dealing with convert narcissist and coping strategies .I have been surrounded by family and friends who I now realise have been disastrous for my mental health.My first mistake was choosing female friends that were like my mother.I suffer from repetition compulsion and suffer from low self esteem.It has been a huge learning curve .Should I just starve them out with no contact ?Any experience or advice in dealing with narcissists would be appreciated Cheers Clownartist

margaret1 Teachers bullied by 'colleagues'
  • replies: 69

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroyin... View more

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroying problems at work. Anyway here you are; this is why we get bullied: Teacher bullies in schools “fear exposure of their perceived shortcomings, such as inadequacy and incompetence, and these people bully not for fun but in order - they think - to survive. Competent colleagues fuel the bully's fear that shortcomings in their capabilities will surface, so they tend to select targets who fulfil some of the criteria below. Being competent, that is being good at their job, often excelling; being willing to go the extra mile and expect others to do the same; being successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude; being imaginative, creative, innovative; being able to master new skills; thinking long term and seeing the bigger picture; being helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience; being diligent and industrious Being Popular with colleagues, pupils, parents, Being regarded as an expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional, having a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness Having strength of character displaying integrity, honesty,intelligence and intellect; having a well-defined set of values that they are unwilling to compromise; being trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable; a sense of fairness: willingness to tackle injustice, low propensity to violence and strong forgiving streak, refusing to join an established clique; being sensitive, having empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance, being slow to anger, showing independence of thought or deed, refusing to become a corporate clone and drone, having high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent

Doingitforthekids Trying to help my children
  • replies: 1

Hello All, I am a mother of three children, aged 9, 11 and 13. Their father has suffered from significant depression all of their lives. He is also verbally abusive towards us. Although we are separated (due to his issues), I am concerned about the w... View more

Hello All, I am a mother of three children, aged 9, 11 and 13. Their father has suffered from significant depression all of their lives. He is also verbally abusive towards us. Although we are separated (due to his issues), I am concerned about the way he speaks to our children. He swears a lot in their presence, and throws items at them and talks down to them. I know this because I hear it while I am on the phone to the children, and they also tell me or call me when he has abandoned them while he is in a rage. I have raised my concerns with my GP, and he suggests I need to try to be more helpful to take the load off my ex-husband. I need to have the kids in my care a bit more (to protect them) while not making their dad feel incapable (as I am always walking on eggshells). My children's friends have also commented that they feel my ex-husband is 'scary'. This upsets me. I am after some advice as my ex will not seek professional help, but I feel I have a duty of care to protect the children. I work and am also at university so I do not have a lot of flexibility, but my priority is the well being of the children.