Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Dan049 Married 20+ years, 3 kids and feel just like room mates!!
  • replies: 4

So we have been married for 24 years. i was a ADHD kid growing up and did not have many close friends at school, so when my now wife showed some interest i latched on as i was not confident of getting anyone else. She was my first serious relationshi... View more

So we have been married for 24 years. i was a ADHD kid growing up and did not have many close friends at school, so when my now wife showed some interest i latched on as i was not confident of getting anyone else. She was my first serious relationship right out of high school and even early on i didn't have that feeling of head over heels being in love, it felt more like - this is what the adults do so lets do that. The last 3 1/2 years it is very rare that we end up in bed (just to sleep) at the same time, she will always go to sleep in the lounge and then come to bed at 4am or 5am. It is now at the stage where i do not think that i could go to sleep with someone else in the bed whilst i'm awake. During this same period there has been zero intimacy. I have suggested seperate bedrooms but she was stunned that i would even bring it up. We have never been super tidy but lately i am now starting to resent her leaving things out as she expects me to clean it up. I do not hate her all, quite the opposite -i care about her alot and i dont want to break her heart but im not sure that i can stay and be happy in this type of a relationship. I work full time, am involved on a Committee of a sporting club, and studying online, so the housework gets away from me and when i ask for help it is promised but never delivered. Im starting to get really frustrated but dont want to hurt her or the kids. Cheers.

Girl_interrupted1 Boyfriend thinks I’m fat
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, I’m new here. I decided to post here today to see if anymore can help me or give me some advice on my situation. ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years and over the years he has always been very concerned over my weight and body parts in... View more

Hi everyone, I’m new here. I decided to post here today to see if anymore can help me or give me some advice on my situation. ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years and over the years he has always been very concerned over my weight and body parts increasing. When I met him I was 20kg smaller than I am now. I’ve struggled with body image issues for my entire life which started from when I was only 5 after getting some serious scars after an illness. I started dieting as a child - actually my father put our family on a diet because he himself wanted to lose weight and he thought we all needed to follow the same strict juice diet. Since then I’ve studied nutrition and I know that these diets don’t work and I’ve tried my best not to fall back into restrictive habits. But my boyfriend constantly reminds me that my weight needs to change and has told me in the past that he’s no longer attracted to my body. He’s not a bad person. He’s gentle sometimes, funny, charismatic and a fun person to be with but lately (well for a while now) I’ve been questioning if I should end this relationship. the thing is.... I’m scared out of my mind to break up with him. I can’t imagine my life without him and I want to be with him because I love him more than anything. please help me. x girl interrupted

Ekkie Sensitively and constructively dealing with a partner with serious self confidence issues - it is starting to cause problems
  • replies: 1

I have been seeing someone for the last few months, who late last year ended his marriage for a number of reasons then found out she had been cheating on him for several years. He has been the primary carer for their two autistic boys for the last se... View more

I have been seeing someone for the last few months, who late last year ended his marriage for a number of reasons then found out she had been cheating on him for several years. He has been the primary carer for their two autistic boys for the last several years, as she didn't want to be. He has had to essentially walk away from his marriage with nothing but debt, and given COVID he is struggling financially as well as he's only just re-entered the workforce. These are all big things to deal with, and I am happy to support him wherever I can. He is sweet, caring and funny, and we can talk for hours. The thing I am starting to struggle with how to deal best, is his extremely low self confidence (which I understand and can completely see where it comes from). I want to find an effective way to reassure and talk to him about this, without making him feel worse. I've been trying, but don't feel I am getting anywhere. I know this will take time to build on. He is insecure about the fact that he currently has "nothing" whereas I have a good job, I own (most of) my home and have savings for holidays etc. He is worried about the fact that he thinks I am "smarter" than him and know all this stuff about things he doesn't and that as a result I will get bored and leave. He keeps saying that I am too perfect and he's terrified of doing something wrong and then I'll leave. He apologises constantly for everything. He bought me a mineral water from the supermarket the other day on his way over (on my request) and then was super apologetic as it was a different brand to what I usually get (he saw an empty bottle in the recycling) - which I don't give two hoots about. He apologised for telling me I'm beautiful, and asked if that was ok. He touched me on the arm and jerked back like i'd burned him, apologising again. I understand abuse (and he has talked about a lot of his relationship with his wife), as I was a victim of childhood abuse, and I know that it takes time to rebuild trust etc. I'm just a little unsure how to help someone else navigate this path themselves and would be grateful for any advice, as I'm now being super careful about everything I say and do and I don't want this to come between us as I think we could be really good for each other. I've tried subtly suggesting counselling, but he doesn't feel this is necessary.

Lonely_girl Relationship mental health
  • replies: 4

Ok so I am 20 and have been with my significant other for 4 years and I have major anxiety and my depression is getting worse and worse, they have generalised anxiety. During this time he’s tried to help but I’ve just felt claustrophobic and agitated... View more

Ok so I am 20 and have been with my significant other for 4 years and I have major anxiety and my depression is getting worse and worse, they have generalised anxiety. During this time he’s tried to help but I’ve just felt claustrophobic and agitated by it, just wanting to be left alone and he won’t do this. I feel as though I can’t breath. I have spoken to friends about this and they have suggested leaving as I am happier with friends rather then them. I don’t know what to do as everytime I suggest it they panic and cry. I feel as though I’m trapped during these times but I do love them

Suz863 Struggling with marriage separation
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, my husband and I split August last year and moved out into seperate houses March this year. We have been together 16 years and the split has made me realise how much I love him and our family. My daughter is really struggling with the transi... View more

Hi guys, my husband and I split August last year and moved out into seperate houses March this year. We have been together 16 years and the split has made me realise how much I love him and our family. My daughter is really struggling with the transition too. My husband has a new girlfriend and told me he doesn’t want to get back together so I guess I’m here for support, I feel sad all the time which is unusual for me and I don’t know how to move past it. thanks guys

Puss Puss
  • replies: 1

My Sister and her family recently contacted my Adult Schizophrenic Son without telling me. Her daughter in law had received a Christmas Card from him but never told me. Also they made the decision themselves to visit him after speaking to the Hostel ... View more

My Sister and her family recently contacted my Adult Schizophrenic Son without telling me. Her daughter in law had received a Christmas Card from him but never told me. Also they made the decision themselves to visit him after speaking to the Hostel and went there as a family, their reason being to see if he was okay and off drugs. I feel awful saying this, but they knew I did not want any contact having made a life apart now,. I am 73 years old land still feel this way after he attacked me years ago at his Hostel then ran off leaving no trace of whereabouts. I am hurt and very stressed, unable to sleep and don't know how to handle this or if I can trust them to reveal my whereabouts now. I am being treated for anxiety and this is making me feel so much worse. Does anyone have any advice or support please?

Tired_of_being Parenting, autism and bitter separation
  • replies: 5

I have been going through some tough times, abusive (physical/emotional/financial) and now my son has been asked to leave his school. He is autistic, but ok until puberty. He just does not get the social cues and he just does not get how to communica... View more

I have been going through some tough times, abusive (physical/emotional/financial) and now my son has been asked to leave his school. He is autistic, but ok until puberty. He just does not get the social cues and he just does not get how to communicate with girls. Being acrimoniously separated, we both have IVOs. I did one to remove him from house and being physically abusive to son. I was the one that dealt with his school. I am paying for his counselling and now i have noticed that ex has done transactions out of my bank account. He knew number since he was joint. But he has side business that allows him to direct debits..so he put bills into my account.. He breached his IVO and got a good behaviour bond, but it was stalking son , so not taken seriously. The ex is big on mental games and made sure i spent nearly 30 years feeling worthless, stupid and believing my memory was gone. My current issue this week is that son has been out of school for 2 weeks, then the 2 weeks of school holidays. Ex refused to discuss and now only wants to communicate by solicitor. I am left with the impossible task of trying to enrol him at either 2 schools in town. Ex works at one, and the other is across the road. So because of IVO I cannot access either, I have court date to vary in July and meeting with Catholic before this. I am hoping of working out some way of doing this. I just have nothing left. ick of the games he plays. I am beyond tears, I have a son that desperately needs lots of professional help - and I am the only one that is left to organise anything. Ex says he cant afford it, but is on over 100k and boarding at friends. I'm paying mortgage and all household bills. I am financially balancing with my credit cards, my sick leave is gone, my long service too. I still have so many days i need to take off to get son to treatment and family court. Yet it all falls to me. I get 200 per month child support. I have been physically attacked by son when i tried to limit his screen time. His father did not support the behaviour plan set up, as he has only contacted the psychologist after 9 weeks. Where do I start? I have applied for NDIS, Special Assessment for child support and have my own counsellor. But I just feel useless as I cannot accomplish anything. I am not bothering about the money as it is more important to get son help as he was asked to leave, I am so frustrated, I cant move on, I have all the bills. This just wont end.

skye1 Terrified about having a baby. Not happy like I feel I should be
  • replies: 7

I am 15 weeks pregnant and terrified. I don’t feel connected with my pregnancy, I’m reluctant to want to tell people. I find myself wishing I would just miscarry so I don’t have to go through feeling like this. I feel guilty that I feel this way and ... View more

I am 15 weeks pregnant and terrified. I don’t feel connected with my pregnancy, I’m reluctant to want to tell people. I find myself wishing I would just miscarry so I don’t have to go through feeling like this. I feel guilty that I feel this way and it breaks my heart. I am terrified thinking about if I will be a good mother, terrified that my child won’t be a good person, terrified that my partner will leave if I don’t look the same after having our baby, terrified my job will replace me and I’m left struggling and unable to help provide . Just terrified. I feel guilty that I should be over the moon but I’m not just emotionless and scared

Beans17 Is it me or them??
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, this is my first post. my anxiety has been ripe all weekend, I find myself looking at my wall for longer than I like to admit. The only thing keeping me sane is walking my dog. i was dating a guy for about 2 months, he seemed perfect. E... View more

Hey everyone, this is my first post. my anxiety has been ripe all weekend, I find myself looking at my wall for longer than I like to admit. The only thing keeping me sane is walking my dog. i was dating a guy for about 2 months, he seemed perfect. Everything I thought I’d never find all in one man. My anxiety got the better of me after about 3 weeks and I tried pushing him away. He was confused but I snapped myself out of it and decided to open up to him instead. I told him about my past, my dad that was never there, my mum who’s suffered depression my whole life and put it onto me a lot, the bullying in school ect.. I told him everything. I really felt like I could.., then a couple of weeks past and I had a concern in the relationship to which he turned around and said that’s your insecurity, not my issue. This became a more regular thing, he would say ‘you’re just being crazy’ - to things I asked my friends about and they 100% agreed that these things would bother them too, he told me I should talk to a psychologist (he’s done it before and said it helped him) so I took the steps to get a health plan from my doc. (Currently waiting to book in). Yet still every issue I had he still just reverted back to calling me crazy. It was hurting me more, me having opened up to this man and then it felt like he was using it against me. We had another argument about him going to a party instead of going away camping with me. Again, he said I just don’t trust him and I’m ‘not showing normal behaviour’ and he doesn’t want to be with someone he has to walk on eggshells around.. that was Friday night, he left, blocked me on everything and that’s that. He has a lot of family stuff going on atm so I don’t know if it’s more of a stress thing, my anxiety was too much for him to deal with? Or maybe I am just crazy and expect too much? Im so hurt, I really thought he was wonderful and I’d hate to think I ruined things by being ‘too much’ while he was already stressed out. I can’t even reach out to him. I just feel really shit

Larni18 Bad breakup
  • replies: 6

I was dating a guy for 4 months. I thought we were both very in love, we hardly ever fought and he usually treated me very well- he seemed like such a decent guy. He spent so much time with me and my family and I really took care of him- I did everyt... View more

I was dating a guy for 4 months. I thought we were both very in love, we hardly ever fought and he usually treated me very well- he seemed like such a decent guy. He spent so much time with me and my family and I really took care of him- I did everything I could to make him happy. We started fighting about ten days before we broke up and he was talking to me like crap. A girl contacted me last week to say she had been seeing him and she wanted to know if we were still together- we were. I sent him some angry texts and a voicemail and then proceeded to block him on everything. The girl wanted proof- she then proceeded to say he told her we were broken up (he said 3 months ago and then 2 months ago) but I had photos with time stamps of less than a month ago. She called me a psycho and a liar, said I had no proof. I told her to have him but she wouldn’t leave me alone so I blocked her too. I’m so crushed and still shocked at how different he was in reality to who I thought he was. I’m desperate to talk to him but I know he would only use it against me, it will make things worse and it will prolong my recovery. Does anyone have a past experience or advice to share? I wonder why he cheated (he was on tinder the whole time and there was multiple girls and they were like shorter relationships than ours but still not just sex), because I know I deserve better but it still feels so awful. Oh also, obviously it was a lie as he was saying it to others but he would frequently say he loved me so much and that he wanted to spend his life with me. He would get upset and just about cry if we argued and say he was scared he was “going to lose me” or that I would break up with me. It just makes no sense to me. He also would talk about how he had been cheating on so he would never ever do it. What kind of person could lie so much and for what purpose? He obviously didn’t really want to be with me.