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Anxiety after break up

Community Member

My boyfriend of 3 years ended things very suddenly and with little explanation. I have suffered anxiety and panic in my life but only when something emotional triggers it I can't cope. Since the break up 11 days ago I have spiralled down hill. Massive panic attacks, insomnia, nightmares when I do sleep and food just isn't working as it goes through me. I'm so damaged and shocked as we had a beautiful rship and he was a loving guy. Then out of no where his become a ghost. i don't have a social circle no girlfriends and really just feel like I've been left out to die. I have a horrible past rship before I met him and he showed me what it was like to be loved... Now to do this so cold and quick with no issues prior makes me feel so worthless. My entire body is shutting down and I've never felt more alone. There's been no contact and I know his doing this... But I don't feel I can ever accept how it happen... That morning he loved me and spoke all day fine.. By night time he emotionally closed off and ended it (by text) which I then I called. It's destroyed my worth and what I was to him... I can feel myself slipping into a dark place and I have so much anxiety about how it's happen... What now? The future? Hard to move forward and keep busy when I have no friends. I don't think I can ever feel good about it... He made me feel like the 3 great years were just a pass time... I was never in his future where I thought I was. 

5 Replies 5

Community Member

Hi Lauren87,

Firstly, I am very sorry to hear you are in such pain. You are very brace sharing your story and will not be judged here.

from what I am reading you really haven't been given a reason or understanding from your ex as to why this has happened?

you must try not blame yourself or question of it is something you have done or said, this will probably be hard at first especially if you had no idea it was coming. I think you have the right to know why your ex ended your relationship but if they won't talk to you there is not much you can do at this point.

you must now try too look after yourself and put yourself first to heal. Break ups are definitely hard especially when you begin to connect with someone. 

Do you have family that can be your support network or close co-workers at least? It is going to take some time and it is important to take small steps.

can I suggest finding a psychologist or even talking to a GP to see if medication might be required in the short term especially if you are not sleeping, eating or are depressed.

try and do one thing for yourself a day, even if it is having a long bath. Burn some lavender oil to help tension and insomnia. 

Your eating should return once you start feeling a little better. Try to have small amounts of fresh food. Drink lots of water. I was recommended when I am having difficulty eating to have some hydra lite to replenish electrolytes. 

I find having half a banana at breakfast or even a mouthful helps get me going. I also take magnesium, probiotics, vitamin b, fish oil daily as they are all great in times of stress and good for the brain etc.

i think you should try to get some counselling as your first step.

i hope this is helpful to you.


Community Member

Hi Lauren, 

first of all I completely sympathise with you and the overwhelming emotions that break ups bring about. I myself have been through some traumatic break ups, and by you posting this message it shows your bravery and courage. A break up can be quite a personal thing, so good on you for talking about it and not shutting off .

from your post it seems that these emotions are just completely taking over your daily functioning and that's when situations such as these have great impact on our ability to complete daily activities and reduce quality of life. 

At the time break ups seem as if they are the worst thing that could ever happen, but I know there will be light at the end of the tunnel for you. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm 100% sure you have more worth than what you are currently feeling. It's a shocking feeling and experience what you are going through, but remember you are Strong and will get through this event just as you have done before. 

I completely agree with the comments above, I believe surrounding yourself with people is a great remedy for break ups, number one to be distracted and two establish new friendships/relationships you may not have had the chance to before. 

Its been a while since your post, so I hope your checking this board and are feeling slightly better. Remember you have so much more worth and quality to bring to this world and those around you, you are more than a relationship. Believe it !

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there,

obviously if you're coming to beyond blue, you know that you're not coping as well as you could be with this break up. I think the sudden nature of it, and all the unknowns you have been left with really aren't helping you. 

Well done for seaking help, you're stronger than you think. 

Each day things will get better, slowly. It's the situation that has made you feel worthless, you are not worthless. 

Take the advice from the others who have responded. Eat small amounts of good food and drink plenty of water.

one day you will look back and be so glad he left. 

Good luck 


Community Member

I went through pretty much what you are going through. My advice would be, grieve the end, but don't blame yourself, and just look on it as a learning experience! I made the mistake of dwelling on it, blaming myself, trying to get him back etc and all it did was keep me locked in that pain! I was with my ex for 4 years, but I was locked in the pain of the break up for 3 years! 3 years I wasted wanting him back, blaming myself and allowing my self esteem to become non existent! It has only been in the past 4 months that I finally said enough is enough and closed the door and moved on. But in those wasted 3 years, which I will never get back, life went on for everyone else, including him. So I blame myself for allowing me to waste those years, please don't do it to yourself too! 

Things happen for a reason, and eventhough the pain is raw now and you are seeking answers, it will get easier, as long as you release the grief quickly and don't pine after what was or what could have been. Life has to continue to move forward.

I went through a similar thing at the end of last year and it is a truly awful experience. I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. But, as has already been mentioned, the fact that you're here means that you are brave, and you are strong enough to get through this. You are not worthless in the slightest. Another person's actions does not make you worthless.

To add to what has already been said, something that worked for me was picking up a new hobby. It doesn't have to be a big thing, or be time consuming. It can be as small as finding a new TV show you really love. But if you find something new to do it can distract you from the pain, as well as give you somewhere to go where there's no memories or associations. One of the hardest things I found, was that every webpage I looked at, ever room of my house, every song that I listened too, they all held memories of times that I had with my ex, or when I was thinking about him. So I felt like he was always there, haunting me. Then my friends introduced me to a new genre of TV and suddenly I had lots of things to watch and read about and listen to that had no prior association to my ex, and I could gradually make new memories without him in them. So try and find something new to immerse yourself in.

The pain will lessen eventually, but in the meantime, make sure to make yourself a priority. I wish you all the best.